Beat Your Genes: An Evolutionary Psychology Podcast For Finding Happiness In The Modern World

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 02:41 Q1: How common are affairs? Is this typical human behavior? 34:12 Q2: Am I broken or just in the wrong pair bond?  57:40 Tenacious Delusions in Psychology 1:15:35 Final thoughts Q1: Can Dr. Lisle talk about the frequency of affairs, particularly in modern western civilization? I was a little surprised to read about the prevalence of affairs, particularly in men in “happy marriages,” described in The Mating Mind. I have been happily married for over 15 years and don’t have any evidence my husband has had an affair. But, I have had a general sense that it is possible, and that sense is reinforced by Buss’ statistical reports on the topic. If so many married people, especially men, have affairs, it seems odd that I almost never hear about such things amongst my social group. Are men just naturally extremely and effectively discreet with their affairs? Any thoug

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 04:31 Q1: My daughter doesn’t care about her appearance – could it be more than just preference? 14:32 Q2: Our 42 year old dependent daughter said she’ll kill herself after we die 32:35 Communication & Negotiation 39:06 Q3:  My pot-smoking husband’s libido has decreased – but is it me? 53:15 Final thoughts Q1: Is neglecting personal hygiene and physical appearance really a sign of depression, or is it just personality? My 37 year old daughter doesn’t care about her appearance at all, she wears pajamas and slippers everywhere with her hair up in a tangled bun and doesn’t wear makeup at all. This doesn’t seem so bad, but she’s completely neglecting her personal hygiene, she doesn’t shower for weeks, smells bad, doesn’t wash her hair for months, doesn’t brush her teeth regularly, hasn’t gotten a haircut in years (her hair’s almost down to her knees) and doesn’t

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:35 Q1: I’m pretty but my ugly competitors are getting plastic surgery! 19:05 Q2:  My big, expensive wedding is coming up… but I don’t want to get married anymore 27:59 Q3:  Can I increase my estrogen to get more beautiful? 44:28 Final thoughts Q1: You say that a woman’s physical appearance is the most important aspect of her attractiveness when attracting a mate, but we now live in a time when natural beauty has no value anymore due to the prevalence of plastic surgery. I have personally seen women go from a 4 to a 9 with tens of thousands of dollars in plastic surgery. This is pretty common nowadays, at least where I live. With the recent advancements in plastic surgery, it is becoming increasingly difficult to detect who is fake and who is natural. As someone who was born naturally pretty, I find this very frustrating and makes it less special for those who h

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 01:39 Q1: I’ve alerted my wife that she has distortions, but she still has them! 18:53 Irrational emotions vs distortions 29:48 Q2: Why would someone complain about their job but do nothing differently? 47:51 Q3: How can I get over the loss of my husband? 57:33 Final thoughts Q1: Dear Dr Lisle, pop psychology advises men to validate their wives emotions but how do I validate something that is objectively invalid. I have taken your advice and have tried explaining to her that she has distortions in her personality that cause her to screw her perspective in a way that creates irrational emotions but that only makes her more angry. How can you get someone to see that they are interpreting reality incorrectly?   Q2: Why would a person constantly complain, get good advice and solutions, then do absolutely nothing? A person I know works a job they hate, that takes w

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips 0:32 Q1 Nephew is suicidal, but he called to tell me 09:19 The psychology of suicide 30:08 Follow up question from E355 37:20 Q2 My husband is addicted to marijuana – can he change? 53:07 Q3: I’m one month sober – can it last? 1:14:19 Conclusion Q1: What do you do when a family member calls you and tells you that they are suicidal?  Last night I received a phone call from my 35 year old nephew telling me he was suicidal.  Growing up he was my favorite nephew but I haven’t seen him for over 20 year because he lives on the other side of the country and I was estranged from his father, my brother, who dies ten years ago. That’s when his life fell apart.  Before that he was a very likeable, bright, college graduate, financially successful and an extremely fit and healthy young man.   Now he is obese, severely depressed, has an alcohol and gambling addiction and on multiple psych meds

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips 0:22 Q1 Husband just decided he no longer wants kids 18:08 What could have gone wrong?    27:01 Cinderella Effect 32:06 Q2 I’m pregnant and need emotional support, but my husband is focused on his business 44:10 Conclusion Q1: I’m a 39 year old woman and my husband has just decided that he no longer wants to have kids. We talked extensively about this before getting married, I explained to him how important this was to me and he agreed that he wants kids as well. Now, a few months into the marriage, he changed his mind and doesn’t want them anymore. This is honestly a dealbreaker for me. My problem is that I love him, and if I leave him now, there is no guarantee that I will ever find another man to have kids with, much less love. I’m 39 years old so my biological clock is ticking and I don’t have much time left and I know finding someone to have kids with takes a long time. What s

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. Q1: How does one know if or when it is time to settle in dating? I’m 45 years old and have only dated men who I would consider a friend, and have never met anyone who excites me like a romantic partner would. Therefore, I let these men go, kept looking for the next best thing and never found it. Is there a point in life where we should just realize that this partner is the best we are ever going to get even though they are different than what we imagined? Is there a point where we should settle and stop looking even if we are not super excited about that person and how do we know when? At 45 I still consider myself good looking but I’m past my prime, so should I just settle for one of these “friends”? 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 1:35 Q1 - Should I lower my standards and settle?  I'm 45 and haven't yet found a partner that excites me. 5:45 General mood model – where does excitement comes from? 14:13

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld. 0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 0:51 My wife hired an escort but says it wasn’t technically cheating!  19:01 I’m going to grad school to find a rich husband, but I’m not that into it 40:38 Scratching the psychological itch to get revenge Question 1: Dear Dr. Lisle, I’m a 38 year old male and I work very long hours in finance. My wife, who is 27, and I have been going through a sort of dead bedroom situation for the past few months because I have been working 16-18 hours a day and sleeping about 4 hours per night. She is a housewife so she stays at home all day. Recently I just found out that my wife has been paying for and meeting with a male escort twice a week for the past three months while I was working. She confirmed that they did sleep together every time they met. She says that this is not technically cheating because she paid for his consent, so basically he didn’t want to have sex with her, he

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.  0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 1:09 My son doesn’t work, spends all day in his room, and lacks interest or motivation 17:08 What causes motivation? 21:40 I married a man I don’t love 25 years ago 42:24 Very happy with my partner of 12 years, but want to experience someone else as a comparison   Question 1: I have a very difficult adult child. My 23yo easily got a college degree at 21yo in computer science with excellent grades. Despite the warnings and encouragement, he’s never worked a day. Otherwise a very bright kid, he spends all day in his room online, has no friends or social life. He did about 5 interviews that went horribly and decided he no longer wants to try. He’s been telling us he has no intention of working and does not care what happens. He’s been in therapy and on meds for the last year but it has not helped. We’ve tried to be supportive and firm, but nothing works or makes sense.

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with co-host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses a listener’s question about transference and counter-transference.    0:00 Intro 0:57 Question #1 2:46 A synopsis of psycho-dynamic thinking 9:36 Psycho-dynamic thinking is naïve and bizarre 11:21 What is a therapeutic relationship 20:10  Attraction can occur in a therapeutic relationship 26:50 ‘Transference’ from therapist’s past experiences 33:43 Therapeutic dynamic is usually not a burden or threat 37:36 Warning sign that something is out of line 45:38 What drew Dr. Lisle to be a psychologist   X: @BeatYourGenes Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, we discuss a recent survey reported by survey artist, @Aella_Girl (on X).  This survey reveals some interesting deductions about human mating difficulties in finding our “Magic 10%”. Dr. Lisle explains what the term “Magic 10%” means, and we then go over 2 listener questions – the first is whether sexuality is learned or conditioned, specifically bisexual fantasies, and then our last question is about a family member whose recent cancer diagnosis has caused them to act in a puzzling way.  0:00 Teaser Clips & Intro 2:05 Aella_Girl has conducted a survey with very interesting results 15:32 Attractiveness rating 2D vs 3D 22:32 Innate delusion makes it hard to find a mate, but when you do it feels amazing 28:05 What is “the Magic 10%”? 41:05 Identifying as a heterosexual woman but still being aroused by women I identify as heterosexual but I find myself to be more sexually aro

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses the idea of “going crazy”, a question about personality and intelligence testing, a question about disagreeable co-workers, and a follow-up from episode 347. 0:00 Teaser Clips 1:23 Question 1: Woman cheats on her husband then snaps 9:57 Can it be induced by psychiatric medications 12:22 Question 2 – Are there errors/biases in personality or intelligence testing? 23:40 What are some limitations to personality or intelligence testing? 30:02 Do personality or intelligence tests change throughout life? 34:58 What is an IQ test? 38:50 Question 3: Are my problematic/disagreeable female co-workers less estrogenized? 47:47 Question 4: Follow-up from past episode 1:10:45 End   X: @BeatYourGenes Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Fere

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, Dr. Lisle gves us an update on his upcoming book, and we take a question from a listener who is rethinking a friendship with their friends’ husband following the death of his wife. 0:00 Teasers and Intro 0:23 Year in Review and Book Update 23:42  Friend acting unbothered following his wife’s death – what might be going on?    1.  My wife had a best friend since 5yrs old up until last year when she got an extremely aggressive cancer at the age of 42 which unfortunately took her life in only a few shorts months since diagnosis. As you can imagine it caused a great deal of sadness for my wife, myself, and her friends and family. Her husband on the other hand at least from outside seems to have a totally different response to this situation. At her funeral there was not any look of sadness or not even one tear on his face. No one took much notice as of course people have different react

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses our first question in which a wife feels like she’s sometimes just being used for sex and food. Question #2 is from a listener wondering if some people are just doomed to never find love. 0:00 Teasers and Intro 1:21 Question 1: Wife admires husband but sometimes feels like all he wants is sex and hot meal 36:29 Question 2: Are some people (in the middle of bell curve) not able to find romantic love?   1.  I've heard you say that in a good relationship, the man finds the woman attractive while the woman admires the man's character. This describes my marriage. My husband and I have been together for 30 years. He still wants sex a lot, and I admire his work ethic and dedication as a father.  The problem is, I can't help but feel I'm being "used." I often feel like all he wants from me is sex and a hot meal.  He seems to pour 99% of his energy into his job and career

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses the concept of Beating Your Genes and applying evolutionary psychology as a therapist, and then he answers listener questions on dating, dietary disagreement, and mutual decision making in relationships.  0:00 Teasers and Intro 1:56 Applying evolutionary psychology in a therapy practice 25:05  Beating your Genes 28:05 Young woman dating a wealthy man but feeling guilty from all of the gifts 50:34 Husband and Vegan Wife have a great relationship but there is strain around what food to feed their baby 59:10  Women may feel more secure with their mate when he’s right 70% of the time 1. Three months ago, I started dating a very rich man. I am not at all a gold digger and I was not looking for a man at all when I met him. He treats me well and spoils me. However, I feel guilty accepting his gifts and money and not giving him anything in return. I’m 25 years old and a student. F

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld. In today's show, we discuss our last episode 345 being removed for 'medical misinformation' even though we have video proof of what was referenced in the offending episode. After an appeal, our video was re-instated, but the creepy feeling of censorship remains. So we are moving to the X platform. We hope to see you there for our normal BYG content. Follow us: X: @beatyourgenes Web: www.beatyourgenes.org Doug Lisle, PhD www.esteemdynamics.com Nathan Gershfeld, DC www.fastingescape.com Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones • Ferenc Hegedus Licensed for use Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses the US Presidential Election and what to consider if you are distraught or if you are celebrating the results of President Trump being elected. Also, Dr. Lisle discusses the concept of morality – what is it? Is it innate? Is it taught? 1. Dr. Lisle weighs in on what to consider about the US Presidential election 2. If morality requires us to act against our psychology, which is impossible, does morality exist? Teasers 0:00 Intro  1:38 Opening discussion 3:08 Dr. Lisle on whether your candidate won or lost: 4:15 You have specific relationships with individuals not government 7:52 An example of an oil wild-catter 13:07 The Group Trap 21:10 Opportunity and Adversity 33:41 Beating your genes 36:19 Some wins and some losses for your tribal psychology 43:04 Question # 2: What is morality?  48:13 Individual differences that are species-specific 56:28 In group/Out group behavior 1

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's Part 2 from episode 343, Dr. Lisle discusses a potential explanation for why homosexuality persists in the population despite homosexuals having fewer children.  1. I understand that the very basis of natural selection is transmission and expression of genes - basically we are all evolved to pass as many of our successful genes into the population, and that the characteristics and behavior of the organism is evolved to promote this goal. However, how does that explain the persistent existence of gay people. Their behavior does not work to pass genes into the population - in fact, quite the opposite. I've heard this expressed as a Darwinian Paradox. Is there other behaviors that are also Darwinian Paradoxes? Btw, I'm gay and this in no way is intended to imply that homosexuality is an aberration.  Intro 0:00 Question 1:  0:11 Dr. Lisle answers: 0:53 Final thoughts: 18:29 Outro: 21:20 Follow us:  You

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, Dr. Lisle explains how genes are passed on through generations and just how complex and interdependent they are. However, sometimes this can lead to the mistaken belief that societies can easily breed certain traits into or out of their population.  1. Dr lisle you've often mentioned that we cannot get intelligent people to breed for generations and give rise to a population whose average IQ is higher than the current avg IQ i.e. china/singapore tried to experiment with this idea but they failed. But Dr Lisle you've also said that today's human is on average way more cooperative than the ancient human.. so if the average cooperation can be bred to a higher level, why can't the average IQ be bred to a higher level? Teasers 0:00 Intro  0:45 Opening discussion 1:42 Excerpt from past Episode 299: 4:55 Question #1 8:20 Dr. Lisle Answers: 9:08 Darker skin defends better against solar radiation near

Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses listener questions with host, Nathan Gershfeld.  In today's show, Dr. Lisle’s discusses a term called The Ego Trap in the context of the following listener question: 1. Do you think Lebron James is ego-trapping his son Bronny? He has tweeted that Bronny is going to do extremely well he just needs a bit of time, but in reality the kid looks like he’s not even cut out for the D-League. I know there’s something to be said of Lebron’s status and influence in the league when it comes to decision-making, but I wonder what will come out of his son. Bronny has stated in the past that he wants to make his own name and not be compared to his dad. Do you think Lebron’s son will succeed in not feeling bad for living up to people’s high expections and just play the game because he loves it? Or will he react like a teenager with pushy parents wanting him to get straight A’s knowing that he can’t? Teasers 0:00 Intro  0:36 Question #1 1:53 Dr. Lisle talks Basketball and Le