Love Hate Debate

Commitment ceremony : first up we hear about Jules boobies

The Dinner Party : Usually the epicentre of fashion on planet MAFS we are sad to report the fashion police had to make some arrests tonight. Farmer wants a Wife will be doing hard time for the fashion fail of shorts and double pluggers and Cams bow tie was immediately banished to our hate pile to be burned. Jessika with a K has set her sights on Dan and we are not that upset about it. Does that make us co conspirators or worse (dramatic music) part of the mean girl gang?

This ep takes reality tv waaaaayyyy too close to actual reality between the sheep shit, washing the dogs butt and Micks farts we are OVER the back door poop fest and just....STOP!!!. We are left pining for our Sydney apartment with Harbourside views, Mels’ cute designer dresses and Kylie Jenner’s pamper sessions with her dishy husband. Suddenly we are pulled from our day dream and land with a thud in some pretty fucked up interpersonal situations not the least of which is Mick calling Jessika with a Ks family for all the names under the sun!

Home town visits : Is it just us or are some of these bach pads just Air BnBs being passed off as the guys houses?? No? Just us then... And just quietly - where in the hell is Tam & Dan???

Tonight we learn never to write poetry for Mel (or Vee for that matter!!) and if Michael is keen for more pamper sessions and a reality TV binge fest, Shari is up for it! Commitment ceremony decisions tonight; will they Stay or Leave? The bigger question is - will we Love or Hate?

As our hero Rachel Zoe would say “I Die” This ep has ALL.. THE. DRAMA. Mean girls Kylie Jenner and Jessika with a K are at their mean and catty best (or worst) Farmer Wants A Wife has egg on his face and it’s not a metaphor. Like, literally egg on his face while he is trying to kiss is wife

Pride and Prejudice, Four Weddings and a Funeral and Bridesmaids quotes all get a run tonight as mean girls “Jessika with a K” and Kylie Jenner with their stupid smirks shit-stir Cyrell into a Hulk-style frenzy. Now Cyrell....you need to remember when we are upset we use our words and not our hands. Nick the saint is sticking in there (just). New couples Dan & Tam and Billie & Suzie are on their romantic (read boring) honeymoons. This ep is really just the air in the bag of popcorn we are heating in the microwave ready for tomorrow nights dinner party!!

D.R.A.M.A with a capital D! Not the least of which was Dino giving the gift of kangaroo scrotum. Dino - like we always say here at Love Hate Debate, if they didn’t want it then, is it really a gift? Heidi is given a mirror by Dr John who tells her to take a good hard look at herself which has Mike smirking up a storm. A few loved up couples are dotted amongst the car crashes to keep us all on our toes. Sam the lying douche and Innes the cheating ^+#+& are finally revealed...but somehow we are still unsatisfied. Karma - over to you!

Dinner party : Mike and Heidi are simply devo at their ranking as the #1 most uninteresting couple continues. Lizzy has fallen into a deep depression and can’t even get fired up about her fake husbands affair - somebody order the bucket of Nutella stat!! Disappointment all round as nobody wore a hat with their ensemble so we are off to the $2 shop to buy Cyrell a crown. All hail Queen Cyrell.

The competition for most conspicuous hat of the season kicks up a gear as Martha’s pink after dark hat (srsly WTF??!) takes on Cams oversized panama. Serious vommie in the mouth when Sam and Ines wake up together. Lizzy has made a miraculous recovery (we assume she was diagnosed as being clinically sick of Sams shit) and we start our campaign for a MAFS reunion show. As Superfans we humbly offer our services as hosts ; Andy Cohen step aside the Love Hate Debate girls have arrived!

Fun awaits as our couples are headed north to the Gold Coast sans Lizzy. You will be pleased to know we have an APB out for our MIA cast member. We are at the beach, Movie World and the bowling alley as the couples relationships are tested in the pressure cooker of a group holiday, explains John the “expert” and just...no. Thanks John-boy we’ve been on holidays that have gone to hell in a hand basket...I think we can do this without your help. #surfsup

Episode 13 - unlucky for some and even unluckier for Lizzy as she is still missing and literally nobody seems particularly concerned. Shall I call the cops?? Everyone else is at various stages of Love (Like) and Hate but the only couple that decided to leave is Lauren and Matt. (Not the bombshell we were hoping for) RIP Matt’s Morse Code and Lauren’s attempts at contouring. Never give up Loz - either on the contouring or on L❤️VE!!

Elizabeth. Elizabeth where for art thou? The Dinner Party takes place tonight but nobody seems to worried that Lizzie is not in the room and they potentially need to consider lodging a missing persons report. Lots of PDA from the loved up couples, an argument then PDA from Cyrell and Nick but total confusion from Matt who a week ago was a virgin but is now faced with a bi sexual, partner swapping wife and is secretly signalling via Morse Code with his blinking S E N D H E L P N O W!

“Yes Week” shenanigans continue as one more couple reveal they have got particularly intimate...while the cricket was playing in the background. One guess which couple

A session with Dr John leaves us all thinking that therapy is a total rip off & wondering if he really gets paid for this??!! Then moving in together and “Yes Week” proves fun & games for some and just plain old “getting played” for others when Ines and Sam start their version of the Dean and Davina Show! Let the games begin.

There is a C word used in this episode TIP : it’s not “Commitment Ceremony” Who will stay for love? Who will stay for Insta fame. Who will try and escape...we mean leave? The Bro code is out in force and a couple of apologies roll off tongues. Some more sincere than others.

Honey I’m home!!

Round two of Honeymoons ensue except for Lizzy who we think is being held against her will by producers and has taken to diving head first into barrels of Nutella to dull her senses after Sam spent the last week playing tootsies with his ex at her mothers “funeral”. Kylie Jenner and Michael go to Samoa where we get to take in the full glory of their beach bods. Ines & Bronson head to Port Douglas and Bronson literally flies away. Matt & Lauren are in wine country where we all get the pleasure of collectively taking Matt’s virginity. Cigarette anyone?

Runaway groom with a dead mother in law (you couldn’t make this shit up