Delight Your Marriage

"I was pretty much done with life...I wouldn't have minded if I passed away. If this is all life has to offer, what's the point?"   A father of 7. Deep sadness of his inner life.  Deep pain. Desperation.   But then... God did an incredible, incredible, incredible thing.   This title doesn't by any means tell the whole story. But I want you to hear the incredible result that God did. (My other suggested title was "Zero/yr to 5x/wk and She Didn't Know He Did the Program!") However, the process is what God did in His heart and the fruits showed up in his marriage and intimacy.   And after 10 months of nothing, she started initiating (A LOT) and loving him the way he receives love (in response to his change.)   My favorite part of this story? That there are seven children growing up in a happy home. A man who no longer hopes for the end, but one who looks forward to what God is doing through and in his life. That is a good God story. Blessings, Belah PS -  If you'd like to have access to the program that Ken to

They're saying a lot of hurtful things. They're saying it in a mean tone of voice. Their face has the look of disgust, or worse.   You can feel your temperature rising.  You can feel your face getting red.  You can feel your rage welling up from the pit of your belly.    Is it righteous indignation? Is it because they need godly correction -- and fast? Is it that you're just plain tired of being unfairly beaten down?   Well... In the midst of that moment of emotional alarm... When the atomic bomb is counting down and it feels like everything has to happen right then, or else... And your "wise brain" - the prefrontal cortex - has gone completely offline and your "childish/immature brain" is the only thing left and can't seem to see anything but red alarm bells everywhere...   Here are 3 tools to dismantle the bomb BEFORE the explosion detonates and destroys and/or damages all that you hold dear ...hurting the people you love the most - those you're assigned by God to protect, respect, love, and cherish.   But

SO much packed in here, but I tried to narrow it down so you have a helpful summary. We go deep in this episode, I really think it'll help you. Three points are made in this episode: 1 - Your feelings are God given and He wants to do something because of them. 2 - It is healthy and even Jesus-like to express your frustration emotions (without hurting anyone) and grieve through your sad emotions (tears are important). 3 - Regardless of your lot in life, it is your responsibility (not your family of origin, perhaps you didn't have a good role model, maybe you were exposed to porn, or your wife doesn't have wholehearted sex with you every other day...) to correctly follow God with your emotions.    A lot of men learned to deal with frustration through masturbation and/or pornography. It was a very tactical way to get frustration out of their body.  However, that stunted the opportunity to get frustration out in a healthy way, so that their brains could develop in the way God wanted it to -- with empathy, gentlen

This is a great sadness to me. When a wife steps out (even an inch) from her comfort zone and her husband mishandles this vulnerability.  Whether it's an inch sexually or in any part of their relationship...vulnerability should be appreciated and complimented and encouraged.  Your response to her discovery of more sexual freedom (big or small) should be, "Oh! How can I love HER more, too?" Not, "Oh, how can I perfect/change/improve her attempts?" Because the second piece undermines her sexual freedom. That is what saddens me and makes me pray that God will help me do this thing better.  That's why it grieves me at times that my podcast can be heard by both men and women... because the enemy WANTS your focus to be on yourself.  The enemy wants you to be focused on whether or not you're getting your "fair share". Or on "how can she love me better".  But if we can be more like Christ and put the focus on the other "how can I love her better?" How can her attempts to love me... inspire me to love HER!? That's the

I never want to "get over" the miracles we see, daily. But, you will be blown away by what God continues to do. It can happen for you. It can happen for your friend. It can happen for your acquaintance.  Families do NOT need to be torn apart. Husbands do not need to cry in their cars of loneliness due to lack of intimacy. Kids do not need to grow up fearful and stressed because of the strife in the home. Ministries don't need to be undermined by leadership infidelity (privately or publicly.) God can change it all.  It's not automatic.  It is a system.  A strategy. A... program.  By God's grace, He uses "Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy & love being married again" for amazing purposes.  For His glory. Listen in to understand that the work is heart work but the results are true healing, connection & intimacy. Could it all be different in just 3 months? Maybe! For these gents -- it was! Join us: delightyourmarriage.com/minvite  Blessings, Belah PS - This cohort closes Monday, Ap

(Enrollment is open for Masculinity Reclaimed program -- check it out here delightyourmarriage.com/minvite -- closes April 4, 2022) -- Skeptical. Yep, that's Bill :)  (Ehemm, *was* Bill). I don't blame him. He had been through it. His first marriage didn't work out.  He came to peace with being single for the rest of his life, until his (now) wife came along.  Things were good for a while. Until they weren't. And then that lasted 20 years.  Bill went through these two major heartbreaks... there's only so much heartbreak we can go through til we don't want to have hope that it could change.  Why would it. How could it. It's been like this for so long.  Well, though skeptical, he thought he would try the program just for the betterment of himself.  And he worked hard -- ups and downs -- because it's real life. But after a year of continuing what he learned -- he's here to say that it can change.  Completely.  God brought him closer to Himself than he had been for many years. And God utterly transformed their ma

Click here to sign up for the all-new Masculinity Reclaimed: Foundations course! THIS Monday, March 28, 2022! delightyourmarriage.com/menscourse -- How many broken, sad, dramatic stories have you heard this week, this month, this year? Where hearts are broken and families torn apart? Maybe you're even in a similar situation. This is why I want to share as many of these transformations as possible. Here's where Steve began... "I felt like I was looking down a long dark tunnel and there was no light at the end. Divorce wasn't an option. But I was feeling hopeless it could ever be different." Sadly, this is not the first time I've heard a husband describe his marriage that way. He is committed to Jesus. He loves his family. He wants his kids to grow up in a Godly home, with joy and laughter. And he wants them to see what a wonderful marriage can look like. But instead, his wife is cold. Stand off-ish. Sex is just a scheduled thing that happens because it's on the (very bottom of) her checklist. A lot of frus

Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!   Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?    Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?   And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?   The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!    If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?   Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t fix the problem, does it. Can one spouse change the dynamics in our marriages? YES - a thousand times, YES!! We’ve seen it! We’ve experienced it!   Here at Delight Your M

I promise I didn't put them up to this... But I was nervous about what they'd say, so I asked if they'd let me hear it before it went live.  Golly... made me blush and eyes water. It meant a lot to me.  But more than that, I hope you feel like you've been invited into our DYM family virtual living room and know that we love you and we care about you.  This DYM Team is truly amazing. I am honored and blessed to be a part of others doing this amazing work.  I just came back from sabbatical this week, and things are better than when I left :) So, God is working through these wonderful individuals and I'm so glad you finally get to meet: Dana, Darcy, Kevin, Vikas, Kyle, and Ali! I believe that you'll be encouraged to hear more of their stories and their work. May it comfort you! (If it can happen for them, it can happen for you! Don't lose heart!) Love & Blessings, Belah   PS -- if you'd like to witness your marriage transform as these team members have (all of them saw dramatic changes in their marr

Have you lost hope of your marriage EVER changing? You're not alone! Many who come to Delight Your Marriage (DYM) have all but given up on their marriages. Some who come here, are separated and/or on the verge of divorce. Many others, have good marriages but want an even better one! In regard to the specific challenges that Minister Matt and his wife experienced in their marriage, he shares, "I kind of resigned myself to, 'That's what it is and this is how it's going to be.'" After finding Delight Your Marriage, "It gave me hope for the first time in a long time." Minister Matt found the supportive community within DYM to be a key factor to helping guys to continue moving in the right direction.  For those of you who are in ministry and feel somewhat isolated to get the help you need in your marriage, DYM is the ideal place to come! Your marriages are likely under a higher level of enemy attack because of your position as a leader in your church or ministry. We welcome you and offer a safe and godly environme

How would you rate intimacy in your marriage…any type of intimacy?    Do you wonder why intimacy is such a difficult topic in marriage? Do you wish you could understand why husbands and wives see this topic so differently?   How do you know if you’re off target in how you relate to your spouse?    Maybe you feel like you’re not the one with a problem, it’s your spouse… “You don’t know what you don’t know!”  Listen in as Pastor Luke shares how things that he thought he knew and had a handle on, had a whole new light shone on them in Masculinity Reclaimed. He also discovered that some things that he had once found confusing, now seem so clear!   Pastor Luke explains why he thinks Delight Your Marriage is effective, “It’s easy for women to understand how women feel. It’s easy for men to understand how men feel, but if you can find a man who understands women or women who understand men, I think they have a responsibility to help bridge that gap. Belah has it and she is living into that responsibility. She is

"I wish I could have done this course before I got married." - Pastor Bennie This is a statement that we commonly hear at DYM. Whether a marriage is good or bad, whether couples have been married many years or few, marriage after marriage has been profoundly impacted through DYM - praise God! In this podcast, Pastor Bennie shares about his personal experience taking Masculinity Reclaimed - DYM's main coursework for husbands. He shares how the course helped him to better understand and love his wife and helps to address heart issues - which is the root of the problem to begin with. Pastor Bennie shares about the "massive" changes that he and other men in the course with him experienced while progressing through the course. You know, I don't know where you are in your marriage right now, but I would want for every marriage out there the great results that SO many couples are experiencing here at DYM! We invite you to consider if this may be the place for you to find breakthrough or even just a brand new level o

"She felt he was pushing her towards sex and she would pull away and it would make him angry". After 37 years of marriage, God has done a work in their marriage. Even though they were best friends, this was something that was always this "friction" between them. She felt like she was up against a wall all the time and being pushed caused her to have no libido. She had never, ever spoken to ANYONE about sex, ever. And she said now she is able to speak about it. After 37 years of questions and pain, now she's feeling healing. He thought he was expressing his heart and it was just pushing me farther from him sexually. She says this freedom in intimacy "impacts everything". I think this will give you so much hope and insights into what you can do as a husband, and how you can be encouraged as a wife. God is still transforming hearts! Blessings, Belah PS - If you'd like to find out if a program that Julie was discussing that she or her husband went through, join us on a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc t

What a fantastic interview with Gary Thomas! If you're not familiar with him yet, I think you'll be glad that you are now! Gary has a new book out: Married Sex -- to add to the other books that have been such a perspective shift for me and many I know. His heart is specifically about God's design for marriage as an opportunity to grow closer to Him. I want to share one specific phrase, the tagline of his bestseller Sacred Marriage, "What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?" That inspires me and encourages me away from secular values and norms, and provokes me to be more aligned with God's will and desires. But know, dear listener, he believes that enjoyable and pleasurable sex is a great part of God's plan! How? Well, we talk about tools and tips and understandings around sex and the differences in men and women that can give you a whole different view of what God intended sex to be.  Gary helps people open their hearts to more. And because you can see so clearly his pursuit f

Do you ever feel humbled by your mistakes? Do you ever feel flat-out humiliated?    Oh my, do I fall into that sometimes!  I think the enemy feels glad about that -- and then the shame he heaps upon us while we're recognizing the mistake (and maybe the enormity of it.)   And that's when God's truth (as Kyle, DYM Mentor, reminded me of yesterday) is so helpful. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1   See, when we go out of our comfort zone and try to do God's work, we're going to trip. And that's normal.  One reason I hope and pray that you have seen me trip is so that you can have more courage to get out there and do something that God has called you to do also.  It takes courage, and we're going to trip. I'll raise my hand to that. We're going to mess up.  But the nice thing is God is present and He is helping us to get up and get better over and over again. Note: Perfection isn't even a real possibility anyway -- who gets to decide what "perfect" even is? Who

This is a resource to invite your wife to Delight Your Marriage, and to me, Belah Rose.    I would love for you, husband, to listen first and see if you might use this as a warm introduction to my material.    It's so easy to see words on a page and be repelled by it, but it's far better for us to get to know each other on a personal level and I'm hoping that's what this episode allows for.    (For those who have already gone through MR1 -- or are the recent graduating class -- I especially made this for you!)   If you've done the work on yourself, I think it makes sense to pray and ask God for His timing and see if this might be a tool that He can use for a brief and positive introduction to the work.  The work that is transforming families and marriages around the world -- by God's grace!  Blessings, Belah PS -- If you'd like your marriage to have the passion (even if you're really great friends right now), then you need to chat with one of our Clarity Advisors. Allow them to hear your story and see if a pr

I think we often forget about the power of words. Especially if the "party" we're talking about isn't present.  But what about the "party" that is present?    Here's a true saying: "those who talk to you about others, will talk to others about you". And when your spouse hears you judge another person, they may feel glad that you consider them a confidant.  But the problem is, they also get to hear what kind of person you are.  They understand if you judge others, you're going to judge them the same way.  And judging outside of the bedroom means judging inside of the bedroom. A judging mindset doesn't stop when you get in the sheets -- and your spouse knows it. And specifically, women, can't feel safe and free if she knows she's sharing a mattress with a meany.    Then, Jesus has some pretty scary things to say about our words: "But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken." Yikes!    Who needs to go delete a few social media posts (or doze

Jfyi, I recorded all of this episode (except for the very last portion) about 11 weeks ago, so for those currently in DYM programs -- take it personally -- but not because I recorded it thinking of you specifically :)    What is masculinity?  What our society says it is? Powerful, rich, authority, direct, right, muscular, able and willing to kill, tough, deep, deep voice, no emotion, immovable, winner in every arena, sexually desired, admired by all... Do you feel you have to always have the last word or you're considered weak? Do you feel you have to fight to preserve your "manhood"? Do you feel you have to have sex in a certain way/frequency/variety/engagement/enthusiasm from her, for you to feel like a man? Do you feel your wife has to treat you with respect for you to feel like you're masculine?   I get how it is confusing based on the poor role modeling we get in our SERIOUSLY backward society.   The problem is...  A mature woman scarcely gives a crumb about the aforementioned descriptions.  An

Do you have your goals for 2022? Do you have your goals for Q1 of 2022? I don't just mean business/work goals. I mean goals that help align your life with God's will. Do you have a system for discerning God's will? Well, in this episode I give you my system for discerning God's will and writing goals accordingly. It's thorough, comprehensive, "begins with the end in mind", and keeps an eye to meeting Jesus central. Too often people fail to consider the big picture so the small picture seems like it doesn't matter. Well, I want to give you a serious kick in the motivation and "you can do it!" through this episode. Because -- through Christ -- you following God's will, can be super practical and doable! Here's my system. The beginning of January is when everyone is excited about goals, so I suggest you use that momentum to set your own goals for the next 3 months (Not year, 3 months -- you'll hear why). Now is the best time to discern and commit to those goals. --- Also, if marriage is on that list...we can

Oh, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and we wish you fear-free Christmas, and we wish you a faith-filled Christmas, and from all of us at D-Y-M!   That's just one example of why my kids drown out my singing when I make up words to popular tunes.    Regardless of my kids, here's another one I'm proud of... ---ehemm--- Let it go.  Let it go.  Don't worry 'bout it anymore-- Let it go.  Let it go --- Just wait to see what's in store.  We don't know, what God has planned.  But if we trust in Him --  He'll give us the strength to stand.  ---*bow*--- I am proud of that one. They... are not.    (I promise I sang neither of those on today's podcast episode.)   But today's conversation is about faith. Faith is what we celebrate at Christmas.   The faith we have in Jesus being brought into the world for us. And this is the faith I want to remind you of during this season that often can get crowded up with all the holiday festivities.   I want to talk about how vital faith is for the miracle you're looking for in your marr