Delight Your Marriage

This interview is with a man who had suffered in intimacy in his marriage for 14 years.  She had intense anxiety (I've been there!) and it made intimacy very difficult for both of them. Sex would happen maybe 1x a month, but it was never something they could talk about. And masturbation was something he turned to alleviate the loneliness.  Now they make love 3x per week--and she initiates 90% of the time! That is a manifestation of both of their courage and healing for both of them. What happened? Well, it all started with Steve the rooster. This is a good story. So... Step #1 - Buy a rooster Step #2 - Invite your mom over Step #3 - Just kidding... :P  But, there are fantastic keys in his story and the process they went through to get to the other side.   One important note I share at the end: If you are a husband and you want your marriage transformed like Captain's be sure you...  ...don't accidentally undermine your wife's confidence. That is exactly the topic I'll be speaking to

Hi there,   Not sure if it was for you... but for me it was a whirlwind of a weekend. I put on a church conference on Saturday (in Spanish--eek!) which was scary, but God came through in an awesome way, which was so cool!   Also, on Friday I had the chance to interview 3 different graduates from my Masculinity Reclaimed program. Today's podcast is of Charles.  His story is hard to believe---but one that will surely give you hope.    To be transparent, I have 2 ulterior motives for sharing his story:   1- To invite you to my Free & Live Men's Masterclass coming up really soon, sign up here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining My prayer is that men's lives are utterly and forever changed just by attending the Free Men's Masterclass Live.   And possibly, deciding after that training to enroll in the Masculinity Reclaimed program, which is what Charles went through.  But my plan on the Free Men's Masterclass is not going to  be a "hide-the-ball" presentation, but to genuinely help your marriage turn a

Hi there,    If you're going through hard times, this is particularly applicable because we need a lot of love right now. The right kind of compassion and care from our spouse and those around us.      The best way to encourage your spouse is to attract them. I find it clear in the Bible that people have to be attracted towards Jesus by us living like him. Jesus did miracles and was compassionate to people before he ever rebuked them.    Jesus dealt with people differently based on where they were spiritually. When someone was demon possessed he healed them and didn't rebuke them for dabbling in  whatever caused the possession. However, when the rich young ruler who practiced righteousness--and clearly was at a different place spiritually--came and asked about eternal life, Jesus let him know he needed to give all he had to the poor.    Jesus calls us higher, based on where we are right now. And it's unique to each individual. If he spoke to the demon-possessed man like he did the rich young ruler, the demon-

Hi there! Hoping your day is going well? There's a lot of difficulty you may be facing right now, and one of the best gifts I can give you is rest. Well, not me but God. It seems strange to think rest could help you cope with the intense struggle you're dealing with, but you may be quite surprised. I'd like to share a podcast episode that is dear to my heart and my growth. Why does rest matter to your life? Well, Jesus by no means hurried through life. He practiced Sabbath. He enjoyed His day to day life. Even children wanted to be around Him.   If we're stressed we don't spend the time to connect with our partner in a meaningful way, in or out of the bedroom. For women, usually stress kills her libido but can increase her need for emotional connection. For men, it often makes them crave the release sex brings but he has low capacity to be present to her emotions. How can any of us not stress? There are bills to be paid, kids to raise, food to prepare, chores to accomplish every single day.  Rest doesn

I'm excited to bring you an interview with a former student, Ben.   His upbringing was tense and he tried to stay away from home. His parents' relationship left a lot to be desired. His wife didn't have a man in the home to understand what marriage could look like.   Outwardly their marriage was very successful--but Ben knew that if he wanted his marriage to be passionate he was going to have to change. Which is what he did when he worked with me in my men's coaching program.    He made drastic changes to himself and it impacted his wife's response to him.    Both in their 70's is it really possible for them to have passionate intimacy -- physically speaking?   As a doctor of orthodontics, he knows the rigor of academic research. He has done quite a lot in this area and not only has implemented medical interventions but also natural lifestyle remedies that help both he and his postmenopausal wife.      This is part 1 of our interview where he shares his suggestions for passion even after 45 years of marriage!

With so much going on in the world, I think people are making big changes in their lives. Given that people are becoming more aware of their own mortality, I think its making them decide to take action. My encouragement in today's podcast: 256-How to Not Fail at Marriage, comes from a failure at marriage --ehemm --me! When my first marriage failed I blamed him. When my second marriage was on the rocks, I realized I was the common denominator. When I transformed myself, I witnessed this man change before my very eyes. Now, that I work with many men and women from around the world, I wish I understood these truths and the essential Framework a wife and husband needs to not fail at marriage. And in fact thrive. This episode is for you if your marriage isn't what you think it could be. I'd encourage you, if you know someone in that spot, this may be the perfect opportunity to send them insights that very well may transform their marriage. None of us know when it's our time and God calls us home. But right now, Go

Most people don't use that word anymore.  But I think "coveting" is still very relevant to our world today. And is still an egregious sin we need to take seriously for our benefit and God's Kingdom. When I look at the Ten Commandments, I used to think they weren't all that related to one another... and they didn't have much to do with marriage or sex.  1- But looking at them again, there's a thread that runs through them very beautifully: contentment with God's will for you.  2- Sex is even directly indicated. But the one about "do not covet your neighbor's wife," if taken seriously, guards against the "do not commit adultery" commandment. Coveting is actually a very important sin for men AND women. We each need to take it very seriously. It causes your sex life to dwindle if either partner is doing it.  Though men and women covet differently around sex, if given to that temptation, it has a huge impact on the bedroom.  God cares about our hearts. He cares about how we think and how we judge.

Have you been hurt? Have you been disappointed?  By your spouse. By those you love. By God.   I think the answer has to be yes. Disappointment is part of the human experience. Jesus was disappointed and hurt by those he loved. But he somehow put his disappointments in a category where it didn't slow down His mission to do God's will.   In this episode, I share how I felt disappointed by my husband and went about things the wrong way. And I share what I should have done (for your benefit :)   Yes, I'll share how to motivate your spouse to do what you want, but more importantly what to do if they don't. It's a perspective shift that's required if you're going to have a healthy and happy marriage.   But also I share how to have less disappointments and be less hurt by your spouse.  If you've been disappointed by God, I want to speak to that as well.    Especially as this pandemic is taking it's toll on so many in so many different ways, we can easily get disappointed at God. How could he do this? How could He al

Hi there, Hoping you're well? In challenges, my aim is to keep showing up and helping inspire and empower you to have a wonderful marriage and intimacy in it. To that end... This is Part 2 of my Interview with my husband about his perspectives on fatherhood (and why that makes me so attracted to him!) Is it his ripped abs and amazing biceps? ​ Well... let's just say he's got a very healthy "dad bod" going on right now. :) Truth is, the attraction may have started out physical, but became emotional. Because that emotional attraction is there, it flows back into a physical desire for intimacy. So, if you're concerned that the "Quarantine 15" (aka weight you put on because of being in the house all the time) has left you less attractive to your spouse, I'd say worry more about your character, which will attract her to you. To answer the question: what makes me so attracted to this man? His sincerity. Kindness. Genuine care for me and our family... that makes me want to love him in all the spicy ways possible. Ju

Like the title? LOL. I know, I know... I'm too much.  But it was intriguing right? If not... pretend it was something more mature like: "How to Be the Man Your Wife Is Attracted To, Hint: Fatherhood Matters."  That's what today's podcast is about. Here's a story that's not in the episode...   Last night, our just-turned-7-year-old insisted that we relax on the couch with our wine while he made us dinner.  He found a recipe for tacos in his school book and asked daddy to buy the right ingredients, so he could make it!   Then when the 5-year-old finished showering, he taught his younger brother how to scoop the salsa, avocados, beans and lettuce into the shells.   Between the two of them, about 1/8 of the ingredients landed on the floor...  But golly---we ate dinner and didn't have to make it! You better believe those boys got some serious compliments and encouragement for treating mom and dad to a "feast"! And because of our reaction I'm sure it won't be the last time! 

You have an Assignment (1 Cor 7:17). A plan a purpose God laid out for you to do. A set group of people He wants you to impact. Jesus didn't assign you to everyone.  He even had limits on himself.  Jesus himself limited his prayers: "I am not praying for the world, but for those whom you have given me" John 17:9   But  if we think that we're supposed to be doing everything, we'll miss who He is really assigning us to. Thus, His perfect plan doesn't go forward. This impacts your sex life, and is impacted by your sex life. Whether you're a woman or a man this has impact.    I think this allows us to all take a breath and say, "Lord help me to know who you have given me. Help me to be content with who you have given me. Help me to truly serve, love and impact only those you have given me". And if all of us did that... then the world would look a lot different, I think.  I share how I'm doing that in my life, with my family and in my current launch of the renewed Masculinity Reclaimed program right now. I share h

This is probably THE question I hear in one way or another over and over again. Lights off, sheets up and "vanilla" sex is the refrain that is very frequent.  Why is she like this? How can this change? What about specific things she's squeamish about like "intimate photos of us", anal sex, and mirrors? If you'd like more insight on anal sex: delightyourmarriage.com/sod All that is covered in our conversation! Especially for men, but helpful for women!  --- In the Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy and love being married again! You'll learn how to strategically transform your marriage so she WANTS to enjoy sex with many new positions, visuals and variety... ...a 92% success rate! We are launching very soon (and won't be opening up the doors til next year!) so go to delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining to get all the details!

To my beloved listener, I want to encourage your heart in trying to understand what’s happening and why. I know you’re doing hard work to figure out what your role is and should be in all of this. And I commend that so much.

Playfulness doesn't seem important now that life is so busy and stressful, but it's actually central to a good marriage and a PASSIONATE marriage.   When you think about what your relationship was at first, it probably was full of laughter. Right? The value of playfulness- Laughter makes you smarter Makes you more creative Improves your immune systems The JOY of the Lord is our strength Rejoice... is a constant refrain in the Bible even in the WORST circumstances, we are invited to rejoice in the Lord.   There is power in joy.   Sex can be awkward, uncomfortable, and embarrassing just to name a few.   And if there's a playful culture in your marriage, it causes laughter. If there's not, it causes distance because you both are trying to look better than you feel.   For both parties, they're insecure around sex, so if your marriage is more playful...   You're not trying to be perfect in front of the other. You're not trying to compete with the other. You're not trying to change the other. You're staying present

As a husband, maybe you're wondering where the passionate nights went from your first months or years.  Your wife may be wondering where the romantic DAYS went. But, maybe you're stuck at home and it feels like you're not able to do any kind of romance given the circumstances.  I hear you... I will add that I live in NYC, in a 1 bedroom apartment with two sons (age 5 & 6) during quarantine. Which means we've probably left our physical apartment 5 times in the last 7 weeks...  ...and I'm here to tell you, you can DEFINITELY have a Wild Romance even during this season. (You'll understand more on this show).  I want to gift (for FREE) two valuable resources from a $297 course that I have only offered to my current students... Because it's almost Mother's Day & I think you need to understand the template on How To Be Romantic while at home... And this will help you forever understand what your wife wants when she says she wants to be "wooed".   There's a catch.   I give you a behind-the-scenes-look at how

So, what I’ve noticed is that all of us are insecure. For some of us it’s more obvious than others.   It shows up in life, and it shows up in the bedroom.   I want to talk to you about what men are insecure about around intimacy and I want to talk about what women are insecure about around intimacy.   We have the opportunity to help our spouse feel more secure.   But how do we help our spouse when we ourselves are struggling with fear of judgment, rejection and body image (to name a few)?   Well, I think we need to understand where that fear is coming from.   And that’s what we explore together on today’s show.   Do you feel worthy? Do you treat your spouse like they are worthy? How can you help your spouse not be so insecure... -around sex, -around professional things, -around the ways that they are in the world?   Hint: it’s different for men and women. (To understand more about this framework, and get a free PDF download go to delightyourmarriage.com/framework )   So, on today’s show I want to tell you abo

Addiction runs rampant... for most of us. Myself included.  Especially when we're facing tough things: anxiety, pain, loneliness, vulnerability, identity, significance. During a stressful time we are trying to avoid the pain... so we move towards the pleasure of distraction, entertainment, alcohol, gossip, food, video games, cigarettes...   God has specific insight into what to do on a consistent basis to bring us to PEACE.   Specifically, I'm thinking about this scripture... Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him". That makes me what to squirm and run away and pretend I didn't read it and that it's not in the Bible. If I'm really honest my response is "but I'm too important to wait" or "there's too much to do to wait" or "waiting is not going to help anything" Waiting feels like facing the tiger that's chasing me. The truth is when I wait, when I'm patient, when I am still... I discover over and over again that it's a paper tiger.   Is meditation new age / non-Christian? I talk ab

I'm very excited to share this interview with Dr. Kahn a renowned cardiologist (seen on Dr. Phil and The Doctors tv series among other great accolaides). This is my second time having him on the podcast and you're in for a treat! What you put in your mouth affects your intimacy. (And I mean outside of the bedroom! :) From libido to sexual response, our diet helps or hurts. We also talk about COVID health and how the studies are showing there are specific things you can do to help your immune system (and of course be very focused on prevention). On our last podcast I shared what I'm doing health-wise and how I think those things helped my health when fighting COVID -- some of those things Dr. Kahn encouraged (and some of them he DIScouraged!) I encourage you to listen in to discover what may be most helpful for your intimate-life and your overall health.  You can find more about Dr. Kahn's work at drjoelkahn.com Check out some of his books: Vegan Sex, The Plant-Based Solution, and his newest one Lipoprotein(a)

Hi there,  Happy Good Friday. It feels a bit strange going to service online, but the beautiful thing about Jesus is we get to meet Him anywhere because of what He did for us on this day so long ago. I am curious how you're doing? I've been praying for you and hope you're doing ok.  We haven't chatted for a while because I've been a bit behind. My husband and I got COVID. The real one.  You probably have heard of plenty of really sad stories. I wanted to share ours to hopefully encourage you and add one story to the "FAITH pile" in your heart. How do we know we got it? Well after a grocery store cashier sneezed on my husband a few days later we got flu-like symptoms and then we both lost our taste and smell!  ​​(JFYI it's SO weird to not be able to taste or smell anything). For me, I had super mild symptoms (thanking God!) and my husband has fairly mild symptoms though he's yet to be 100%. When she found out me, my husband or my 2 sons (ages 5 and 6) hadn't crossed the threshold of our cozy NYC apartm