Delight Your Marriage

This is part 2 with my husband where we're talking about what seduction means to men.  Husbands: I encourage you to "catch" my husband's heart. That's what's so attractive. That spirit is what encourages me to be generous in the ways my husband desires.  If you want more insight, on how to introduce your wife to my material, I have a special FREE Advice for Men To Invite Their Wives training.    Wives: If you're a wife and want to get access to a FREE training called Seductive Confidence Masterclass. I am excited to encourage more women to grow in their God-given right to be free, playful, and loving through intimacy!   Blessings, Belah

Hi there,    Today is extra special because I have on the most amazing man I've ever met. Ehemm... my husband. :) If you want to know why I am the way I am (well, regarding the generous things in intimacy), it's because this gentleman loved me really, really well and continues to every day.   It's not necessarily intuitive, but it is God's way.   This conversation will be instructive for wives -- who feel insecure and challenged by seduction -- and husbands -- who want to be pursued with playful and fierceness.   For men - You'll find out that gentleness and compassion are the keys to her heart as well as specifically what to say to her that makes her want to make you happy intimately.  For women - You'll hear from a really good man, what seduction means to him and why it's important.    If you'd like to get a free download of some of my favorite seduction tips, you can go to delightyourmarriage.com/tips and you'll be signed up for the Free Training on Seductive Confidence coming soon! Blessings,  Belah

As a wife, this is something I really struggled with.   Why would he want me to do such embarrassing things? Does it remind him of sin? I don't want to be associated with his past. Also, it's not my personality.  And in general, I'm not comfortable.    I had SO many more hang-ups around this.    But, one thing kept knawing at me. Why is this all over our society?   Specifically seduction. Yes, the act is in certain movies and x-rated things that I don't watch. But seduction is almost unavoidable (even in PG-13 movies). Whether it's a glance, a teasing, and revealing advertisement...it's everywhere and unavoidable.   It's in every culture all around the world.    Yesterday, I received an email that Delight Your Marriage is ranked as the #1 Podcast in the categories of Sexuality as well as the category of Health & Wellness in several African countries which (is really cool!) means that culture doesn't make a difference.   These philosophies go across cultures and all over the globe.   Why does seduction mat

If you're new to Delight Your Marriage, this is the first episode you should listen to.   Many people come to my resources with a question on how to make their marriage better but they really don't know where to start.    This is a rundown on the most important philosophical underpinnings of Delight Your Marriage.   This gives the best introduction to the foundational principles that I use with people from all over the world--by God's grace--to transform their marriages and families.   Just a few things included:  What a husband needs and what a wife needs to feel fulfilled in a marriage Why intimacy is so important to a husband and that's reflected in the brain's physiology  Why, I believe, God made men & women's drives so different The underlying reasons emotional and physical intimacy isn't strong in a marriage When people are struggling in their marriage they often get advice which makes it all worse. What's the missing piece? Strategy. Listen in and go to delightyourmarriage.com/resources to find o

So, today's a pretty important day. And you may listen to this in the future which will be relevant.    More than ever, our land is divided and we have strong convictions on right and wrong. In Jesus' day political issues based on power, oppression, greed, and con... plagued everyone he interacted with. They were impacted at a personal level.   Jesus' sights were different than those experiencing political suffering. He taught us how to love from our hearts. He brought enemies together to pursue God's kingdom over an earthly kingdom.    I don't know what is going to happen in this election. I know I voted according to my convictions.   More importantly, I know that if the other side wins, God is still my King. He is bigger than me. His timeline is far bigger than the number of years I am on this earth.    So, if the next 4 years needs to look different than I hoped, I will not take that out on God.   Because He knows better than I do. Instead, I will pray for those who I might consider enemies right now. I wi

Hi there!   I hope things are going well for you. I have an inspirational story to share with you today. It's a story of challenge and ultimately hope and healing.    Alexis and Justin (re-definingnormal.com) grew up in homes that had significant abuses, including sexual and drug abuse. By societal expectations, they wouldn't have gotten through that pain.   But God intervened. Both went through the foster care system and by God's grace, amazing things have changed for them. AND they're now founders of organizations that help others who have gone through similar challenges.   They've written a book about their story and today, we focus on how Justin helped his wife heal from her trauma by his reliance on the Lord.   My encouragement is to listen in and be encouraged and inspired to continue your journey. And I think it will encourage you that people like Justin and Alexis are doing amazing things for people---Jesus' hands in the earth.     Check out all the links we reference here!   Blessings, Belah   PS I

I'd like to give you a view of communication that isn't repressing feelings but also isn't open with all of them, at least not all at once. And when you are open slowly, you are in a way that encourages the good rather than discouraging everything. I think in our fast-paced society nowadays, we feel this inappropriate pressure to share all the feelings we have about a topic (sex is a big one!) with our spouse because we need to get that checked off of our mental burden list. Or we need to finally unload or get it off our chest. So we pile on all these painful complaints, criticisms, and unacknowledged feelings all at once. And it causes huge divisions between partners and can take years to heal, if at all. My encouragement in today's podcast is to think of your relationship not as a 30-minute conversation but as a 90-year conversation. There is no need to address everything right now. There is a need to be respectful, kind, gentle, grateful, and loving in all your communication with your spouse. When that is

Hi there,    This podcast is for men (or the women who want to peer inside of hearts of men) it's all about the specific Stages to Sexual Freedom that a husband can employ to transform his marriage---even if he's the only one doing the work.   If you're an action-taker once you know the process you're going to start and fix this once and for all, this is the podcast for you.   I believe that those who listen will feel empowered to do what God wants them to do in their marriage to truly transform it.    In the second half of the episode I'll be sharing more about the Masculinity Reclaimed: Be respected, enjoy fierce intimacy, and love being married again program.   We'll even hear from Vikas who went from a sex-starved frustrated marriage with a young child to a place where she often initiates 3+ times per week and she doesn't' even know he did the program.    To learn more about the program he went through, go to delightyourmarriage.com/mrsp    Blessings, Belah     Enrollment is open now but won't be open

This interview is with a man who had suffered in intimacy in his marriage for 14 years.  She had intense anxiety (I've been there!) and it made intimacy very difficult for both of them. Sex would happen maybe 1x a month, but it was never something they could talk about. And masturbation was something he turned to alleviate the loneliness.  Now they make love 3x per week--and she initiates 90% of the time! That is a manifestation of both of their courage and healing for both of them. What happened? Well, it all started with Steve the rooster. This is a good story. So... Step #1 - Buy a rooster Step #2 - Invite your mom over Step #3 - Just kidding... :P  But, there are fantastic keys in his story and the process they went through to get to the other side.   One important note I share at the end: If you are a husband and you want your marriage transformed like Captain's be sure you...  ...don't accidentally undermine your wife's confidence. That is exactly the topic I'll be speaking to

Hi there,   Not sure if it was for you... but for me it was a whirlwind of a weekend. I put on a church conference on Saturday (in Spanish--eek!) which was scary, but God came through in an awesome way, which was so cool!   Also, on Friday I had the chance to interview 3 different graduates from my Masculinity Reclaimed program. Today's podcast is of Charles.  His story is hard to believe---but one that will surely give you hope.    To be transparent, I have 2 ulterior motives for sharing his story:   1- To invite you to my Free & Live Men's Masterclass coming up really soon, sign up here: www.delightyourmarriage.com/menstraining My prayer is that men's lives are utterly and forever changed just by attending the Free Men's Masterclass Live.   And possibly, deciding after that training to enroll in the Masculinity Reclaimed program, which is what Charles went through.  But my plan on the Free Men's Masterclass is not going to  be a "hide-the-ball" presentation, but to genuinely help your marriage turn a

Hi there,    If you're going through hard times, this is particularly applicable because we need a lot of love right now. The right kind of compassion and care from our spouse and those around us.      The best way to encourage your spouse is to attract them. I find it clear in the Bible that people have to be attracted towards Jesus by us living like him. Jesus did miracles and was compassionate to people before he ever rebuked them.    Jesus dealt with people differently based on where they were spiritually. When someone was demon possessed he healed them and didn't rebuke them for dabbling in  whatever caused the possession. However, when the rich young ruler who practiced righteousness--and clearly was at a different place spiritually--came and asked about eternal life, Jesus let him know he needed to give all he had to the poor.    Jesus calls us higher, based on where we are right now. And it's unique to each individual. If he spoke to the demon-possessed man like he did the rich young ruler, the demon-

Hi there! Hoping your day is going well? There's a lot of difficulty you may be facing right now, and one of the best gifts I can give you is rest. Well, not me but God. It seems strange to think rest could help you cope with the intense struggle you're dealing with, but you may be quite surprised. I'd like to share a podcast episode that is dear to my heart and my growth. Why does rest matter to your life? Well, Jesus by no means hurried through life. He practiced Sabbath. He enjoyed His day to day life. Even children wanted to be around Him.   If we're stressed we don't spend the time to connect with our partner in a meaningful way, in or out of the bedroom. For women, usually stress kills her libido but can increase her need for emotional connection. For men, it often makes them crave the release sex brings but he has low capacity to be present to her emotions. How can any of us not stress? There are bills to be paid, kids to raise, food to prepare, chores to accomplish every single day.  Rest doesn

I'm excited to bring you an interview with a former student, Ben.   His upbringing was tense and he tried to stay away from home. His parents' relationship left a lot to be desired. His wife didn't have a man in the home to understand what marriage could look like.   Outwardly their marriage was very successful--but Ben knew that if he wanted his marriage to be passionate he was going to have to change. Which is what he did when he worked with me in my men's coaching program.    He made drastic changes to himself and it impacted his wife's response to him.    Both in their 70's is it really possible for them to have passionate intimacy -- physically speaking?   As a doctor of orthodontics, he knows the rigor of academic research. He has done quite a lot in this area and not only has implemented medical interventions but also natural lifestyle remedies that help both he and his postmenopausal wife.      This is part 1 of our interview where he shares his suggestions for passion even after 45 years of marriage!

With so much going on in the world, I think people are making big changes in their lives. Given that people are becoming more aware of their own mortality, I think its making them decide to take action. My encouragement in today's podcast: 256-How to Not Fail at Marriage, comes from a failure at marriage --ehemm --me! When my first marriage failed I blamed him. When my second marriage was on the rocks, I realized I was the common denominator. When I transformed myself, I witnessed this man change before my very eyes. Now, that I work with many men and women from around the world, I wish I understood these truths and the essential Framework a wife and husband needs to not fail at marriage. And in fact thrive. This episode is for you if your marriage isn't what you think it could be. I'd encourage you, if you know someone in that spot, this may be the perfect opportunity to send them insights that very well may transform their marriage. None of us know when it's our time and God calls us home. But right now, Go

Most people don't use that word anymore.  But I think "coveting" is still very relevant to our world today. And is still an egregious sin we need to take seriously for our benefit and God's Kingdom. When I look at the Ten Commandments, I used to think they weren't all that related to one another... and they didn't have much to do with marriage or sex.  1- But looking at them again, there's a thread that runs through them very beautifully: contentment with God's will for you.  2- Sex is even directly indicated. But the one about "do not covet your neighbor's wife," if taken seriously, guards against the "do not commit adultery" commandment. Coveting is actually a very important sin for men AND women. We each need to take it very seriously. It causes your sex life to dwindle if either partner is doing it.  Though men and women covet differently around sex, if given to that temptation, it has a huge impact on the bedroom.  God cares about our hearts. He cares about how we think and how we judge.

Have you been hurt? Have you been disappointed?  By your spouse. By those you love. By God.   I think the answer has to be yes. Disappointment is part of the human experience. Jesus was disappointed and hurt by those he loved. But he somehow put his disappointments in a category where it didn't slow down His mission to do God's will.   In this episode, I share how I felt disappointed by my husband and went about things the wrong way. And I share what I should have done (for your benefit :)   Yes, I'll share how to motivate your spouse to do what you want, but more importantly what to do if they don't. It's a perspective shift that's required if you're going to have a healthy and happy marriage.   But also I share how to have less disappointments and be less hurt by your spouse.  If you've been disappointed by God, I want to speak to that as well.    Especially as this pandemic is taking it's toll on so many in so many different ways, we can easily get disappointed at God. How could he do this? How could He al

Hi there, Hoping you're well? In challenges, my aim is to keep showing up and helping inspire and empower you to have a wonderful marriage and intimacy in it. To that end... This is Part 2 of my Interview with my husband about his perspectives on fatherhood (and why that makes me so attracted to him!) Is it his ripped abs and amazing biceps? ​ Well... let's just say he's got a very healthy "dad bod" going on right now. :) Truth is, the attraction may have started out physical, but became emotional. Because that emotional attraction is there, it flows back into a physical desire for intimacy. So, if you're concerned that the "Quarantine 15" (aka weight you put on because of being in the house all the time) has left you less attractive to your spouse, I'd say worry more about your character, which will attract her to you. To answer the question: what makes me so attracted to this man? His sincerity. Kindness. Genuine care for me and our family... that makes me want to love him in all the spicy ways possible. Ju

Like the title? LOL. I know, I know... I'm too much.  But it was intriguing right? If not... pretend it was something more mature like: "How to Be the Man Your Wife Is Attracted To, Hint: Fatherhood Matters."  That's what today's podcast is about. Here's a story that's not in the episode...   Last night, our just-turned-7-year-old insisted that we relax on the couch with our wine while he made us dinner.  He found a recipe for tacos in his school book and asked daddy to buy the right ingredients, so he could make it!   Then when the 5-year-old finished showering, he taught his younger brother how to scoop the salsa, avocados, beans and lettuce into the shells.   Between the two of them, about 1/8 of the ingredients landed on the floor...  But golly---we ate dinner and didn't have to make it! You better believe those boys got some serious compliments and encouragement for treating mom and dad to a "feast"! And because of our reaction I'm sure it won't be the last time! 

You have an Assignment (1 Cor 7:17). A plan a purpose God laid out for you to do. A set group of people He wants you to impact. Jesus didn't assign you to everyone.  He even had limits on himself.  Jesus himself limited his prayers: "I am not praying for the world, but for those whom you have given me" John 17:9   But  if we think that we're supposed to be doing everything, we'll miss who He is really assigning us to. Thus, His perfect plan doesn't go forward. This impacts your sex life, and is impacted by your sex life. Whether you're a woman or a man this has impact.    I think this allows us to all take a breath and say, "Lord help me to know who you have given me. Help me to be content with who you have given me. Help me to truly serve, love and impact only those you have given me". And if all of us did that... then the world would look a lot different, I think.  I share how I'm doing that in my life, with my family and in my current launch of the renewed Masculinity Reclaimed program right now. I share h