Savage Lovecast

A happily married trans man came out to his mom. She didn’t take it well. She told him that if he changed his name it would kill her. Then she died. Now he is faced with a choice- should he use his former name at the funeral gathering, or use his true, current name?  A married woman enjoys animalistic, primal, rough sex. Her husband is also gentle and sweet and affectionate. She loves both, but has a hard time transitioning from one style to the other.  On the Magnum, Dan brings on Dr. Debby Herbenick to discuss the ubiquity of choking in sex. Making the leap from porn to real bedrooms, it is often poorly communicated about beforehand.  And, speaking of poor communication, hear the terrible tale of a New Years Eve polyamorous debacle.  [email protected]     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep-the best mattress for your individualized comfort. Right now, get up to $200 off ALL mattress orders at HelixSleep.com/SAVAGE. Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company w

Let us start the New Year with…blackmail! A woman’s boyfriend got ensnarled by an extortionist on a kink website who sent private sexual photos to her family. Now she has to work through her anger and worry around sex and kink. Yuk, right? But then! You can hear the triumphant story of a man who batted away an aspiring blackmailer by telling her to go ahead and send out his pics “but be sure to use a filter to make my eyes look pretty.”  A woman in poly relationships has gained a lot of weight after having a child. Her tertiary partners are no longer attracted to her. Should she try to persuade them to love her new bigger body, or find some other folks who will worship her for who she is now. Dan brings on Leah Carey host of “Good Girls Talk About Sex,” to help the caller grapple with her body image issues.  On the Magnum, we have a “What You Got” by James Mackay, about hypnosis and pornography in a cultural history of the two genres.  And finally, a woman has flashbacks after she has sex, in which her recoll

Happy New Year?  Boy oh boy, Dan tells a lot of people to break up on this episode. There’s the gay man with an older boyfriend who might want to go poly despite his boyfriend’s commitment to monogamy. There’s the woman who is finally in a healthy, caring relationship, but it’s booooring. And, there’s the woman whose boyfriend emotionally abuses her and refuses to go to therapy, insisting he will never treat her better. Out with the old, people! Let’s all treat ourselves right in 2022! On the Magnum, Dan interviews Dr. Daniel Grossman- a professor of obstetrics and gynecology about abortion medication. He explains how the drugs work, the legal situation should Roe V. Wade be struck down and crucially, teaches Dan how to pronounce “ mifepristone.” Please go to https://abortionfunds.org/ and make a donation this instant.  And, a masc lesbian would like some lessons on how to properly dominate her girlfriend the way she wants it. The problem is she’s too polite! How can she pretend to be a big mean Dom, when it

Happy Solstice everyone, who’s up for some label salad? A cassgendered (look it up- we did,) demi, pan person has a partner who was assigned male at birth but is taking hormones to be more feminine. The partner feels non-gendered, and enjoys having both a penis and breasts. But they feel they have to present as male because they live in a conservative area. They are only attracted to women, and wonders what label to use when filling out dating profiles.  A bi woman met a man on an app, who lives in another town. He came to visit, and brought a woman with him so they could all have a three-way. It went great, but the caller grooved with the woman much more than the man. Tragically, she failed to get her contact info. When they parted the man cut off all contact and is effectively twat-blocking the caller from reaching out to the gal. It’s an outrage! No one can bring the holiday cheer quite like our favorite dominatrix, Mistress Matisse! She is on to answer questions from listeners who are considering getting

Why was he such a bad lover? A woman hooked up with a younger man, and endured mediocre sex. He didn’t reciprocate oral, for instance. She blew him off, and when he reached out to her, she was honest about his lack of skill. Later, he drunk-dialed her and confessed that it had been his first time. Now she feels guilty and wishes she had been more compassionate, knowing what she now knows. Does she owe him anything?  A woman has discovered that her new boyfriend follows porny, blonde bimbo types on Insta. She is dark complected and looks nothing like these women. She doesn’t want to sex-shame him, but his taste seems really thoughtless and basic to her. Is it a red flag? Should she confront him?  On the Magnum, it’s time to shop baby! Boost that economy with the gift of sex toys. Our beloved regular guest Erika Moen (of “Oh Joy Sex Toy,” and “Let’s Talk About It”) is on to offer recommendations so you can stuff the right stockings.  And, ladies/vag-havers: how do you dispose of the jizz that comes a’tricking o

CLEAN MY HOUSE. A woman has been seeing her new boyfriend for a few months. He is kinkier than she’s ever been, but she’s willing to try his things. A dom friend of his has commanded him to clean her house as a service sub. Suddenly the caller feels jealous. Also, if he’s going to clean anything, it should be his own damn house.  A woman drunkenly made up a project she was working on in order to entice a former teacher of hers on LinkedIn. He responded right away, offering to help. Now what? Should she prolong the lie? Or come clean? On the Magnum, a man’s father has Peyronie’s disease. His penis curves painfully and he hasn’t had a comfortable erection in a year. Is there something that can be done? And is it hereditable? Dan brings on the comforting urologist, Dr. Ashley Winter to do a deep dive on this condition, which is more common than you might think.  “I no longer find you attractive.” Ouch! Those are the words we all dread, whether we have to say them or hear them. A gay caller now has to live with t

It’s a sexcess story...sort of! A woman tells us about how she relieved a 32 year-old man of his virginity. She recommends it! A woman had a wonderful hook-up with her neighbor. The next morning they made plans to have dinner that night, but she never heard from him again, in what turned out to be a literal ghosting. He died that day. Now she feels heartsick and guilty that she is grieving such a short relationship. Dan counsels her on the phone as only Dan can.  On the Magnum, it’s a “What You Got?” With Professor Lloyd Johnston who studies the epidemiology of drug use as well as AIDS. He and Dan discuss the state of HIV in the United States, and how sexual abstinence is on the rise among young men.  And, a woman’s 13 year old nephew might be gay. At a family gathering, she found his door locked, and when she knocked he emerged with an older teenaged friend of his. What were they doing in there? Should the caller tell his mom?  [email protected]    206-302-2064 Today’s Lovecast is brought to you

Happy Thanksgiving, and welcome to the homo takeover! We’re focusing on queers exclusively this week, so MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, breeders.  A newly sober lesbian wonders if it’s normal to get SUPER-HORNY when you quit booze. Or is she #blessed? How are you supposed to live your life when you are an ex-marine, macho, rural, hunter bro and also…bisexual? He knows he should be out, but worries he won’t be able to find women to date who would be cool with it.  Next, we crank the queer dial up to a billion with our guests Alaska & Willam from RuPaul’s Drag Race. Their podcast, Race Chaser and the Savage Lovecast were made to smash together in this unholy alliance. The queens answer some listeners' questions, and generally dish it up.  On the Magnum, some people of a certain age have a bad reaction to the word “queer.” This gay man was tormented by the word when he was growing up. Dan chats with him in a deep dive convo about the history of the words we use for “gay,” how they change over the years, and how LGBTQ folk

A group of friends get together regularly and do molly together. But there’s one dude in the group who gets a little too touchy feely with the women, asking if can touch them in…intimate ways. How can they tell him to knock it off without ruining the groovy vibe? A bisexual teenaged boy can’t come during sex. He can get there when he masturbates. But for some reason he can’t close the deal with others. Why? What can he do? On the Magnum, Dan and comedian Judy Gold from the Kill Me Now podcast answer some questions together. They discuss the faces we make during sex, finding your large girlfriend unattractive, and what to do when you’re jealous of your inconsiderate roommate, who also happens to be your ex. Thorny problems all! And speaking of roommates, a woman has moved in with her wonderful, perfect-in-every-way boyfriend. Except! He also lives with his unpleasant, difficult mother. It’s a package deal, and the caller is miserable. Must she move out?  Yes, she really must. 206-302-2064. voicemail@savagelov

Do you have queer imposter syndrome? This woman thinks she does. Now that she has her first girlfriend, a little, mean voice in her head tells her she faking it.  A woman has started dating a really great guy. The hitch? He's into making people throw up. So. Can she go there for him, or is this a Fetish Too Far?  On the Magnum, a woman gets aroused when she has to pee. But is it dangerous to hold it just to get that good feeling? Dan brings on a urogynecologist to help answer this one, because Dan knows all sorts of people.  Finally, a man is in a polyamorous relationship with his girlfriend. Her other partner loves to mark her with hickeys. The caller hates it, it but is loathe to ask them to stop. [email protected] 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Pill Club: the birth control subscription that is delivered right to your door. Get a special care package with your first delivery. Go to www.thepillclub.com/Savage. The Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Dame Products: a woman-founded

A woman in an open relationship with her bi husband, will sometimes indulge in threeways with men. But these men almost always ask to film the fun. Isn't this just asking for free porn? It makes the caller feel like an unpaid sex worker.  A trans man wants to start hooking up with men. But he remembers how dangerous and fraught this was before he transitioned, and wants to make sure he's safe and in control this time. Dan calls him up and you get to listen in. On the Magnum, Dan brings back STI researcher Ina Park, to talk about STI risks, stigmas and how to protect yourself.  And, in this installment of "What's My Label?" a neurodivergent, spanko, straight man wonders what to call himself.  This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. The Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Dame Products: a woman-founded sex toy company. Visit DameProdu

A woman and her husband recently had their wedding celebration. She gave him the full hall pass to go party down with his pals and bring in some sex workers. She stayed home with her gal pals. Now, she wants to exact SEX REVENGE, and have a dalliance herself. Is this so wrong?  A newly out lesbian wants to get a dyke haircut. But she doesn't want to be a walking lesbian cliche´. Walking lesbian cliche´ Tracey Cataldo, a.k.a. Dan's "Mean Lesbian Boss" (and we really mean it, you should see her on her motorcycle,) is on to talk this lady into chopping those locks. Own it girl!  On the Magnum, a caller answered an ad from someone who wants to be trained as a dog. The fearless caller is game, but has only trained 4 legged dogs, never the human kind. Dan brings on Amp from the Watt's the Safeword YouTube channel, to explain the joy of puppy play. A delight!  And, hi neighbor! A woman has just built a house right next to a gay couple. Her 5 year-old's room offers a clear view of the neighbors' hot tub, complete wit

Our opening "Sexcess" story features a woman who discovered she's natural born pegger. After some initial reticence, now her man begs for it.  A gay man has a fraught relationship with his parents. He visits them, but they don't visit him. He learned recently that he has Aspergers Syndrome, and also that his family thinks he's an asshole. So, with his newly understood diagnosis, does he owe them an apology? Or are his parents the assholes here?  On the Magnum, Dan interviews one of our favorite guests, Dr. Justin Lehmiller about how sexual behaviors have changed during the pandemic. Covid's silver lining? Americans are trying butt stuff! And, after a blindfolded anonymous scene from an app hook-up, the caller realized that he recognized his lover as an acquaintance. Now what? Should he tell him? 206-302-2064  [email protected] This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code

Ok, exactly how many people need to be involved for it to be called an orgy?  A woman has been mulling over something that happened 20 years ago between her and her brother-in-law. When she was 19, and her sister was away, her sister's husband put on some porn, and asked her a bunch of wildly inappropriate sex questions. Then he asked her to keep their conversation secret. Unsurprisingly, they are now divorced. The caller never told her sister about this. Should she tell her now?  On the Magnum version of the show, Dan gets a Second Opinion from Alexander Cheves, a sex columnist for Out Magazine. They discuss hooking up with Trump voters, how desire for kink emerges early in life, and whether it Is "urbanist" to advise rural gay folks to move to cities. And, a man has been with his wife for 20 years. She is done with sex, and he very much wants it. He likes to smoke pot in moderation. She insists that so long as he smokes pot, she will never have sex with him. Should he fully quit in hopes that she comes thro

"Wait. Where did that flared base, glass butt plug go? Oh, that's right! It's still up my butt!" The caller tried to do everything right. But she might need surgery to get it out. A woman's boyfriend cheated on her with a sex worker... who also happens to be her own damn hairdresser! Dan and the caller have a conversation, and you get to listen in.  On the Magnum version of the show, Dan FINALLY interviews the wise and prolific Drs John and Julie Gottman. These two have conducted more than 40 years of research on what makes relationships work or fail, and their insights are spot on. If you've never heard of them, we humbly invite you to the Gottman-o-sphere. And, choices, choices. A gay man is peacefully dating his boyfriend but they don't have sex. But there's a foxy younger guy who the caller has sex with. Should he stick with the meaningful but sexless relationship, or the scorching hot sex dude?  206-302-2064 [email protected] Check out The Abstinence Project. This episode is brought to you

Wedding drama ahoy! A man's dad had a fight with his sister. Years later, the sister got married, and at her wedding, her dad orchestrated a big walk-out of many of the family, leaving the bride in tears. (That's some stone cold revenge right there.) Should the caller break off contact with his dad over this?  A 44 year-old married woman with 2 kids wants to be open-minded about her husband's request to bang a 25 year old gal. But when he tells her that this new woman is "magical" and that he's "never felt this way before," it's hard to feel groovy about the whole situation.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Adam Zmith, author of "Deep Sniff: A History of Poppers and Queer Futures." They talk about the fascinating origins of poppers use and how they have been helping gay men have a whole lot of fun ever since. And, after 5 years together, and many conversations about whether kids are in their future, the man announces that he does NOT in fact want kids. 2 WEEKS BEFORE THEIR WEDDING. The bride-to-be is NOT happy.

It's the sight that strikes fear in everyone's hearts: WHITE DREADS. One of his lovers has them, and just doesn't wanna cut them off. His other partners are offended. Should he keep seeing this woman? Is she oblivious to the connotations, or a bit of a troll?  A gay man's boyfriend is a very kinky lad. He loves to be denigrated and roughly used. But the tender-hearted caller loves him so much that he feels uncomfortable treating him that way.  On both the Micro and the Magnum, Dan chats with Leigh Cowart about their book Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose. They talk about how the pleasure derived from pain is as old as the hills, isn't always sexual and is often unfairly misunderstood. If you just don't understand what all this S&M business is about, this is the show for you.  And, a couple are "butting" heads over toilet paper. When he gets a prostate massage, he wants the softest toilet paper, like the kind he has at his house. She stocks her home with eco-friendly bamboo-based toilet

A woman had sex with her super-hot neighbor. Then she found out that not only is he unvaccinated, but uses a fake vax card. Should she continue to share her body with this monster?  A young gay man wants to be able to both top and bottom. But when he's topping his gets so in his head that he loses his erection. Dan Savage! Help this man keep a rock hard boner! On the Magnum, a caller who escaped her family's cult when she was a teen has been invited to her sister's wedding. But their abusive cult leader father will be there. Should she skip the whole thing? Dan brings on Amanda Montell author of "Cultish" to talk about cults and how they control their followers.  And, a man wonders if there are any resources or support for people who want to try the exotic practice of monogamy.  206-302-2064 [email protected] Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief

Have you ever lost a dildo up your butt? This man has, but somehow the tale ends up as our opening "sexcess" story.  A 51 year-old woman is seeing a 33 year-old man. It's fantastic, but how long can it last?  On the Magnum, Dan brings back Lina Dune, from "Ask a Sub" to talk about some subby listener questions and her new podcast.  Finally, a couple won't watch porn for ethical reasons. And he doesn't want to be poly or open. She wonders...how can they have any fun?! 206-302-2064 [email protected] This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep-the best mattress for your individualized comfort. Right now, get up to $200 off ALL mattress orders at HelixSleep.com/SAVAGE. This episode is brought to you by Pill Club: the birth control subscription that is delivered right to your door. Get a special care package with your first delivery. Go to www.thepillclub.com/Savage. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage a

A man's randy co-worker has slept with the wives of other workers and tons of women on the job. He nearly got fired for it, but he's back. Should the caller confront this man and tell him to knock it off? Warn all the females on staff? If someone you were chatting with from an app told you that his previous relationship was with his own therapist, would you consider this a red flag? Would you meet him anyway? On the Magnum, great news! Apple is installing mass surveillance on the iPhone. Just kidding- this is terrible news. Corynne McSherry from the Electronic Frontier Foundation is on to discuss just what this all really means. And, a gay caller asks an age old question: "Is my dick racist?"