Help Me Be Me

What is love bombing? It’s a term used to describe the initial phase of a relationship when someone is trying to “seal the deal” with intoxicating affection. The person connects quick and hard, often validating you in ways you have craved your whole life; saying all the things you want to hear, treating you like you have dreamed of being treated. They make you feel seen and adored, which is why it’s so confusing and painful when it ends.   A lot of people ask me, what happened to that person? Was it not real? It was real for you in your personal experience – however the person who enacted it was not portraying their true self. A person like this usually collects fans. They collect adorers, and they get off on the feeling of control. So I describe it often as a person with a different kind of brain. More on this plus some tools in this episode. This is for one person in particular but also meant for anyone who has fallen for a person who immediately disposed of you after you thought they were the one. And i

Are you being loving or are you enabling someone to remain dysfunctional? How do you tell? If you are a person who finds you are enraged and triggered by a relationship in your life and you feel powerless, this episode is about imbalanced relationships where one person is overactive and another person is underactive and how that “sick system” self-perpetuates despite everyone having good intentions. If you are unsure whether or not you are codependent, ask yourself – do you obsess about the way another person lives their life and does it make you miserable? Are you finding yourself being put in compromising situations because of that person? This episode might be a helpful starting point. Also here are a few must-reads! Codependent No More https://amzn.to/4ooLFfW Courage to Change https://amzn.to/3HgpAzC The Dance of Anger https://amzn.to/45kZlQj Sponsors: Chewy: chewy.com/podhelpmebeme to save $20 on your first order with free shipping  BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/helpmebeme to get 10% off your first

The alt name for this episode was “Ask More of Yourself” but that felt kind of agro. A lot of success in life happens in tiny micro changes. This episode is to help you curate the mindset of “I got this” as you move through your day. This is about building agency and momentum via seeing success as something small. Keeping a perspective of our own ability, sense of agency, and curating a feeling of “I got this” as we move through challenging times or new, fear-inducing territory. Stick around for the tools in this one! This has tips for staying in the channel of focus on what you’re doing right. Appreciating life in the exertion periods and giving yourself an awareness snap of, “Oh, wow, it’s actually not so hard, and I can do this” We can get that snap of clarity when we can look at a loved one from a generation past or the long hours demanded of an Olympic athlete. That concept of empowered endurance and self-motivation is a reset for our day to day toils. Sending love… you are so much stronger than you th

If you’re struggling with trying to keep a handle on your own beliefs in the face of a person with a strong ego, as in a romantic relationship or parental relationship where they talk you out of your feelings or tell you that you’re wrong, this is for you! A lot of people struggle to self-validate. You might defer to another person’s opinion or have a person in your life who talks you out of your beliefs, even if you feel strongly about them the moment you have them. When we are feeling insecure and second guessing ourselves, we are looking for grounding. In the spin – as I call it. We cannot discern the truth – it is illusive to us. We keep thinking “I feel this way! Am I wrong?” What we need to recognize in that moment of that feeling is that we need to back up from the issue and get a wider perspective. The issue is co-created by us and another person and the solution is a longer but accessible one.  This episode is about creating a dose of perspective with context and tools. Often what this comes down to

This is about expanding your consciousness using moments of emptiness and dissatisfaction as a starting point. I will invite you to widen your capacity and open your energy to a higher level by “using the material” that is the dissatisfaction.  Lots of tools in this one. If you feel like you’ve been living loops of stagnation and have been unable to see what is blocking your happiness – like “I am doing all the right things, why do I feel empty?” Feeling that something is missing, that we need something to fix us or fill the void…Or being spiritually starved by your environment…Or the intimate relationships never pan out or become what we had hoped. A lot of this comes into play when we are following a bunk map – we set a goal that is a 2D snapshot and think “I just need this and then I am done!” But happiness is about growing in three dimensions, inwardly. So where to go from here?  Lean into your humanity and set the goal to go deeper. We need our humanity and connection to others on an authentic level. We

If you’ve been unable to let go of a relationship or a part of you feels tethered to it, it could be in part the longing for the feeling of completeness. Breakups are also losses of routine and a feeling that we are not alone in the world. A lot of the loss is that concept of our life, not the person we are partnered with and who they are in reality. One thing we can move through as we process a breakup is the loss of that ideal: what we wanted the relationship to be, wished it would become, visualized it would be in the future. Separate from that we can respect the real reasons the relationship ended: who the other person was and why it was not sustainable. That’s what this episode is about: negotiating the two sides to a loss of a partner: the loss of the idea – the mirror we saw of ourselves. And then the loss of the other person. I think in the mourning/healing process we get confused about which feelings are coming from where, which can make closure difficult. You might have had a really bad relationship

There comes a time when we take stock of our lives and ask whether or not it’s still working for us. That might be our self-definition, our career, our relationship, or all of the above. You might arrive at this by accident, as in a health issue that forces the wake up, or you might simply recognize the feeling and ask, “Why am I so numb and unfulfilled?” This is an episode to help you look at whatever value system you have gotten lost within so you can set better boundaries around it. Often times we get seduced by external definitions of a path and we pour ourselves into it, never stopping to question whether or not it’s really rewarding for us. Other times we just grow out of it and we need to stop and reassess if a change is needed. Sending love!   Sponsors: Chewy: chewy.com/podhelpmebeme to save $20 on your first order and get free shipping.  Mint Mobile: mintmobile.com/helpmebeme - get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans Indeed: Indeed.com/HELPMEBEME for a $75 sponsored job credit W

This is for complicated relationships with complicated boundaries, for example when you are stuck in a relationship you dislike, or you are dating but have gone through a life shift, so you fear choosing the wrong person. The reason I chose this topic is often when we are not fully activating our boundaries around the concepts of what we want and what rewards us, we allow a situation or another person to decide our future, for us. So something external will push us into a long-term situation that we never actively wanted or designed. When we are not fully solved as individuals, we may not know why we are not happy, what is not sitting right, and whether or not that’s “valid” for us to feel what we feel. In other words – there is a vagueness to our own feelings and we question ourselves, which keeps us more stuck in a situation. We may be emotionally ambivalent or have opposite feelings in a relationship, like dating when you are a single parent: any new relationship might bring up opposing priorities that n

Are you feeling anxious, overwhelmed and insecure? This is full of tools for creating an inner sense of sanctuary: a clarity and calm. This is designed for artists and sensitive types who are more open and therefore porous to the world. We take in a lot, feel a lot, and can become inundated with “feedback” which can be heavy to say the least. It’s important to cleanse your energy periodically: to tune your focus and reaffirm a helpful, positive reality versus a negative one. I offer tools and reflections for how to recalibrate your energy toward positivity. So zhuzhing up the inside through manual practices. Sending love! Here are the spiritual books I referenced and if they trigger you in any way, skip them and forget I brought them up! There’s a lot of “new” thinking in these… E Squared Inner Work You Are Psychic The Seat of the Soul Many Lives, Many Masters Notes to George: The Whisper   Sponsors: Chewy: chewy.com/podhelpmebeme to save $20 on your first order and get free shipping.  Gabb: gabb.co

We often get decision paralysis or feel intense anxiety around actions that need to be taken, especially when we perceive the stakes to be high. Even if you feel like the answer is obvious it can be really hard to trust yourself, which leads many to ask others to make the decisions for them. What we often feel is a dominant fear of hurting someone else or letting go of something familiar. This intense resistance is another shape of codependency or the group of traits associated with being parentified at a young age. This is an episode to help you move through difficult, anxiety provoking decisions even when you feel intensely ambivalent and fear mis stepping. The trick is to make decisions despite the feeling in your body – to make moves strategically based on what you conceptually KNOW is the next best thing to do.  Feeling afraid if often just our body saying “this is going to cost me a lot of energy and I don’t want to go through it.” It’s an energy-saving resistance and not reflective of the actual pain

How to ensure your life is conducive to empowerment and love. It can all end tomorrow – how are you living, today? If you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed, this is for cleansing and correcting your energy – becoming more deliberate in that embodiment. The goal for me in this episode is to remind you that you have a hand in resetting your focus and your energy and that that presence/how you show up absolutely affects the world around you. Is your life set up for your nervous system? Remember to be responsible in setting boundaries that honor you in your life. Only take in what keeps you active and powerful and channeling your energy toward the good. Today I know what activates me/what I can take in, and I also respect what overwhelms me to the point of incapacitation/what I cannot take in. Be very deliberate in how you welcome things into your psyche: watch what does good and what does not. I also want to remind you to have hope and to remain open to possibilities: we cannot see the future, from today rig

This is about how we can come to a sense of comfort in our bodies and psyche, feel more aligned and at home in our life, versus at the mercy of it. It’s really easy to set up systems in our lives that betray our truest wishes for our souls. You might find that the life you have set up brings tons of stress to your body, makes you feel overwhelmed for a large majority of your week, or takes you out of quality time with your loved ones. I think we only get glimpses of this truth when we are having a panic attack, or almost done with vacation, or have the Sunday scaries: it’s that looking down the barrel of the future feeling where you think, “When will all the overwhelm end??” The things we do to ourselves can be abusive, to say the least. For you that betrayal might be in the area of peace, self-respect, bodily peace, or simply a calm mind and nervous system. In this episode I am offering you a reflection and reset for You on You. Reframing the way you move through your life can be simple: it comes down to ac

This episode is all about knowing how to reward your inner self as you move through the world. It's about having a sense of our own spiritual and egoic priorities and ensuring we respect that truth at all times. If we don't do this, we end up feeling anxious, empty, numb, disconnected, and not liking ourselves. As we advance through life stages, our needs change, and we need to tune in to see what is true for us, then take steps to honor that truth.   We need to stay present and fulfilled, remaining conscious in the creation of our life. This requires us to stay really aware of old coping skills and know when we are near a personal danger zone. If you are in a place where you feel anxious, empty, numb, disconnected, and not liking yourself, know that the path to renewal, growth, and energy is actually tapping into the underbelly of what you have pushed down. Ask yourself, "What am I hiding from? What am I not listening to?" We need to make contact again so we can restore that connection. If we don't, it grows

Even if you’ve done a lot of work on yourself, feel confident and seated in yourself, there can be new situations when you recon with an unexpected and uncomfortable need to please or be liked by others that even if you disagree with it logically– can betray your intellect. This is a response that is often triggered by new social situations or conditions that remove you from your definition of self. It might happen when you’re entering a tightknit group that is not based in “who you are” or grow slowly in a situation where you are not aligned with the core group. Regardless it feels disconcerting and can catch you off-guard asking “What is happening??” I’ll call it 'the pleasing trigger.’ The feeling that we have to fit in and be liked can be intense and desperate, one that is triggered at any age– often when we are in a new forced social situation like a new professional sphere. Know that if this is happening to you it’s not because you are weak or unevolved, it’s because you are wired the way all humans ar

I think one primal fear inherent in ego is that we are somehow inadequate, that we are unworthy and need to stave off this possible truth. The other side of this coin is an expectation that we can and should be perfect. Which is not only impossible and false, but also a harmful ideal even if it were attainable. It’s based in a belief that perfect is good. That fear of being inadequate is also the hidden truth that causes a lot of reactivity, judginess, defensiveness, and also increases our need for “stuff” – the drive of materialism is often a belief that we need something to feel whole, powerful and better than.  This is an episode about working with that in particular.   When we work with this block of unworthiness– by looking into it, we get a bit closer to ourselves and we grow in our personal experience of wholeness, peace, joy, love and connection to others. Our love reservoir grows more expansive. Support this week’s sponsors!   Chewy Right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping

If you woke up one day and feel like “I don’t really like myself,” this is for you. Self-respect is not just about having an air of confidence as you interact with others, it’s also being respectful to yourself, internally. As a means to get to this place, I wanted to offer you a simple prescription: think of your body and what I’ll call your dominant thought narrative as being a wise, second self. A friendly and compassionate voice. This second self can aid you and ground you as you move through the chatter that is your anxiety or perhaps at times negative chatter and self-analysis. We have to learn how to become a consistent friend to ourselves and that is how we start to really like who we are, regardless of the external. Like meeting a new friend, this can start at any time in your life – it just requires a commitment.   This episode is also about when we cannot get to a particular behavior change – seeing that there is a block behind that: a blindness to a lie we are believing. These “feelings stones” cr

Ready to take a fresh path to self-discovery? Every Monday, Jemma of “The Psychology of your 20s” brings you a new mantra, breaking it down to show you how you can apply it to your own life. Whether you’re facing a major transition or looking to evolve your everyday routine, Mantra is the podcast for you. Join Jemma every week for reflections, practical tips, and personal insights that’ll inspire you to live with intention and unlock your true potential. Follow Mantra with Jemma Sbeg wherever you get your podcasts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

‘Easy does it’ is a pretty great Alanon slogan, best used in times of stress or overwhelm when we find ourselves on the backfoot or grasping for control. What is most challenging about moving through any state of disaster (natural or personal) is the lack of ability to think– often when we are being faced with so much information, so quickly. ‘Easy does it’ is a path back to feeling grounded and safe in self. If you are suffering right now – from the loss of your home or from the loss of a partner or something else, this is a reminder that we can only take on as much as we can handle and sometimes the best thing we can do is slow down and take some of the pressure off of ourselves so we can return to the situation from a more resourced position. When we get into that energy of forcing solutions, that’s a little flag reminding us we need to come home to our breathing and be extra kind and gentle with ourselves. We may not be able to solve every problem in the time we wish to solve it in and some problems are n

Hi friends! Happy new year! This is a clips show with some inspirational vibes for you to kick off your year– it includes excerpts from the following episodes. Enjoy xo 192  Changing your life: remembering a sense of possibility https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-192-changing-your-life-remembering-a-sense/id895918183?i=1000602016701 193 Getting in the energy path of change https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/help-me-be-me/id895918183?i=1000602016701 201 Working with the energy of scarcity – choosing fulfilment https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/help-me-be-me/id895918183?i=1000619419445 185 Getting out of your own way https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/help-me-be-me/id895918183?i=1000587178584 200 Getting back into the energy of limitlessness https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/help-me-be-me/id895918183?i=1000617776780 Smile! And visit YayWithMe.com for more of my work Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is all tools for stepping back from the process of negative rumination and choosing a different path: awareness, neutrality and openness. A lot of what we live through is created in our mind, and thoughts catalyze more similar thoughts. When it comes to negative rumination, a lot of these thought sequences are based in old, strong emotional imprints from long ago that are triggered in the present. When we get into a negative thought loop, a sequence of feelings is created by an initial thought. For example, “I am sad because I am alone tonight, and this person didn’t call me back.” Which catalyzes, “Where am I in my life?” Which catalyzes, “Now I feel emotionally low” which triggers the brain’s desire to double down on this feeling and wallow in this rapidly increasing feeling of sadness. This catalyzes the next thought and the next one and the next one after that. I am doing something super simple in this episode: I am writing directions for how to dismantle these kinds of thought sequences. W