Help Me Be Me

A lot of people fall in love with a person they see another person COULD be and not who they currently are. I was this way for a long time and yet I couldn’t see the pattern in my choices. Often we become so attached to a person after seeing their awesome potential and we hold on, despite bad behavior, for that person to reappear. We over-function to help them get somewhere new, thinking we are helping and changing something when we are not.   Often that means living through months or years of bad treatment when the other person is not capable of being kind, loving, receptive, or present with us. Maybe they are in their own world and we are left confused as to why our requests are so unreasonable. You might start to feel like you are crazy, like you are being too demanding, or that is what they make you feel.   It really doesn’t matter what they are really doing or thinking – you may be fixated on that. The most important info is that they are unavailable, not capable, not consistent and you have to accept th

This is for breaking out of cycles caused by vulnerability and anxiety – whether that’s your own mind or a common interaction with a loved one. What I am talking about are moments when you take another person’s feelings, personally. When we get triggered by their emotional response, we get defensive which creates distance and or hurt. That sequence is what I am creating an intervention around with this episode. This is also about reseating yourself in what I would call neutrality and openness: restoring faith in what is possible for you especially in the face of negative thoughts about yourself and your life. It’s really about redirection after you have what I would call an old record that gets put on the record player that is your mind. What we tend to do is that old dance of pain that takes us to this next emotion, and this next belief, and this next one. Like being in a haunted waltz with a zombie who won’t let go.   So if you have a predictable set of hopeless conversations with a spouse – OR you have a p

Guilt is like a gut punch that doesn’t stop. The loss of meaning is like a thick layer of glass in front of your eyes. It’s like a constant reminder that you are not who you aspire to be. Something is not aligned in who you are. There’s also the kind of guilt you feel when you know rationally that you should not feel guilty – like you are betraying a part of yourself that is real and cannot sever an old allegiance.   In this episode, I am going to try and open up some air around the source of your guilt. I cover different kinds of guilt – the kind that results from shame over something you did and also the kind that “doesn’t belong to you” (as with severing unhealthy family relationships). My goal with this episode is for you to be able to see it as an external object–or a symptom, and not identify with it, in the hopes that you can move through it despite the intensity of the pain. My goal for you is to create change in your life and to find meaning. The path back to light and joy or at the very least progre

This is about growing your soul by doing the real work that will advance you. Seeing the muscle that needs work. I’m inviting you to choose to work on a coping mechanism that hurts you. To see around it – separate it from your person, and take apart its inner workings.   I think a lot of people keep themselves small or keep themselves occupied in things like relationships as a means to stave of feelings of pain. The pain results from an original wound that feels so vague and powerful that we stop to look at it. If you have a loop in your life, you might think it’s just “you.” You may have accepted it. But that is because you’re still in it and blinded by it. In order to change, we have to step back and start to work on it in very specific ways. This episode has tools for fostering that. So that we can follow our purest dreams, not the loop of what’s in front of us. To donate to the amazing charity I mentioned and save some lives of foster kids, visit TheTeenProject.com xo!   Support this week’s sponsors! Hiy

Have you lost a bit of shine and joy? This is a path back to gratitude and hope. This is an energy tuning episode all about restoring limitlessness and optimism on a mindset level but it also relates to being a good person, friend and parent. It’s about being conscious and responsible with your energy and tuning it to support openness and rationality. Never forget: Energy is a chain reaction: what we put out changes others, and also changes what comes our way. Think of yourself like a tuning fork. You resonate with the world around you in whatever way you are filtering your thinking. Let’s be careful and conscious about that – starting right now!   To support this week’s sponsors, head to:   Dr Marty’s Pets: Excellent dog food that makes my dogs feel great! Go to DrMartyPets.com/HELPMEBEME for up to 54% OFF Nature’s Blend and get a free bag of Cod Crispies, their bestselling wild-caught cod skin treats. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you move through life? Is it with a sense of “time unfolds for me” or is it more “Hurry! I need to catch up!” Let’s curate more joy in the world around ourselves and change our perspective toward “life is happening for me, there is enough, no need to hurry.” Another name for this episode was 'a thousand points of light' because we can affect our sum with small tweaks and additions. When we draw boundaries around our time and step back from mentally being two places at once, our entire experience of life changes.   This episode was inspired by my vacation. It’s for enhancing calmness and beauty. My most important observation: how you relate to time has a creative effect on your life and how you experience its sum. Without being half-working on my phone or intensely guided by efficiency, my day has grown years longer.   When we are “in a rush” for a long time– scheduling everything down to the minute and seeing how much we can accomplish in a day, it is a life designed at the cost of yourself. The casu

The inner committee is what I am focusing on in this episode. By that I mean the cast of characters in your mind that voice fears, judgements, criticisms, rules for what you can and will do, and generally limit your beliefs about your life. I sometimes refer to our mind as a stage on which actors perform scenes. “You” – the holistic, reflective self, are not your thoughts but rather a wiser presence. I sometimes refer to this as “the silent watcher” or “inner child.” That awareness takes in all this happening in your body and experiences the blips of energy created by your thoughts. One important note I want to call out – “You” might want something different for your life than your thoughts promote to you. And this episode is about being capable of guiding your life despite the chatter of the mind. Taking steps to move forward, despite them.  The inner committee can be incredibly powerful and fear-inducing. We react to them, which can hinder a lot of change, including positive change. This is about revoking

If you are feeling pissed off, having angry outbursts, trending toward negativity, and feeling a sense of doom, there’s a likelihood that you are burned out. This is an episode inviting you to step back and recalibrate when “the pot is full,” so to speak. This isn’t about dismantling what’s working if you are currently high functioning and getting shit done. It’s about creating some air or wiggle room in the face of that burned-outness, and with that shifting your direction toward health and positivity. This has tools for focus cleansing and putting our thoughts and reactions in perspective. Some specific tools for codependent friends as well. Sending much love! If you want to check out the book I mentioned you can head here: https://amzn.to/4cugoll   Support this week’s sponsors!   BetterHelp Stop comparing and start focusing, with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/helpmebeme today to get 10% off your first month.   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a conversation with Zak Rosen of “The Best Advice Show” all about how small acts make massive waves of change outwards. This is a feel-good show all about changes that affect the arc of life: the small, conscious tweaks we make change our trajectory in terms of happiness and overall quality of life. And the advice you hear in this episode is not necessarily what you’d expect–it’s grounded, simple, and life-altering. If you guys want to hear the episode mentioned when Zak interviewed me on his show, check out the link below: https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/expecting-the-opposite-with-sarah-may-b/id1507811918?i=1000485483262   Support this week’s sponsors!   Gabb is the leader in safe, smart phones and watches for kids, teens, and tweens.   Right now, Gabb is offering $25 off any device to new customers—with no contract required! That’s $25 off any Gabb smartphone or smart watch. Just go to GABB.com/HELPMEBEME—that’s where you’ll get the best deal. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphon

This is about escaping a relationship that you cannot seem to leave but you know 1000% that you are extremely unhappy staying in it. When we watch ourselves in a state of inaction, we assume it to be your truth. Ambivalence, rumination and a state of paralysis when it comes to a relationship–that you are clearly unhappy in– are very common. This is what I would call an invisible wall made up of the old rules, fears and traumas of your upbringing. Often the ambivalence is rooted in an inability to accept a truth – that we do not align with our cultural upbringing, our parents values, or we have undealt with pain that rests deep within ourselves. When we process these old feelings and separate them from our current wants and values, we can move through them knowing where our hearts truly lie. So if you find that you are spinning and rethinking what is negative about changing, but you are also fully aware that you are totally unhappy in this current relationship – this is an episode for you. Support this week’s

This is for seeing a wall or a low point as an opportunity for transformation. This is an episode for moving out of a state of woe. When we surrender and deliberately hold ourselves as we “pass” the pain, this is when new doors open and we grow amazing new capacities. The aim of this episode is to start floating atop top the water versus fighting it, when you’re in a place of resistance and suffering. Other names for this episode were ‘Being happy when others in your life aren’t’ and ‘Welcoming synchronicity and grace.’ And that is because when we surrender and accept powerlessness, signs begin to come in. I hope this helps you! Let us all let go. Welcome what is. Hold ourselves through where we are. And with that, allow in the flow of love and trust. Sending love... The two books I mention in this episode are here: https://amzn.to/4bQwC7H https://amzn.to/4bsBNLb Support this week’s sponsors: Fearless Finance - Visit FearlessFinance.com today. You can chat with a planner for free to make sure it’s a good fit,

This episode is about taking stock of a relationship and deciding how you feel about it in an honest way. Maybe you’re considering a breakup, or you don’t know that just yet but you’re not happy with how things are. One way to tell how we feel about someone is to examine our own behavior: the things we are doing on a loop. When we can see a fight loop, we can see perhaps we are not accepting the truth of who someone is, or we can see our own unmet needs arising. This is how we move forward and grow up in a sense – by becoming aware. This for knowing where you stand instead of fighting what is. When we can move from what is, we can honor ourselves AND our relationship! And in some cases that means coming out of the closet on what we truly want. Nothing bad about that – it just is. Accept and welcome it. When we draw boundaries around that concept, we create a life that rewards us. Caveat: You can’t decide something based on another person’s advice. If you’re not ready for action, simply processing feelings is

This episode marks 10 years of Help Me Be Me! This is about knowing thyself and feeling grounded and resourced in that self. Being guided by and making decisions from your values, not your weaknesses.   It’s all about “coming home to yourself” as a means to feel grounded: what that means to me, plus tools for that in the face of social pressures and relationships. In moments when you feel hurt, unpopular, clingy or less-than, come back home to a wisdom of self: what do YOU hold to be sacred, cool and interesting? What do you hold to be important in terms of values? Resuming this core relieves us in moments we feel a need to please others or we are changing ourselves out of fear.   I feel the greatest gift you can give yourself is a friendship and bond with yourself. If you’re not there yet, take heart. Sometimes we need some processing of past conflicts for all of us to arrive at action. If something isn’t happening for you, there might be a part of you that has yet to fully arrive. It’s apt that this episod

We all grow, mature and become different people, however sometimes we cannot see that change or those around us cannot see it. This is about redefining yourself to yourself. Allowing room to witness yourself, anew. Especially in the face of people who treat us based off an old identity. This episode has exercises to help you see where you are headed and mark the change you’ve made over the past year. It’s also for examining your actions as a means to map out your internal allegiances. Often we cannot see how we truly feel because we get lost in the day-to-day content of powerful or repetitive emotions. The goal for me coming out of this episode is for you to feel as if you were given a new awareness of yourself. One that is positive, clear, and empowered. And that you can see the conscious change you have made in your life.   If you want to know who you are, just look at your physical actions. They are a map to our truth: what we believe, what we are working on, and also how we feel about ourselves. They tell

Think of this episode as a memory to be conjured. A memory of the truth of yourself: your power and goodness, and that you feel more present on the ride that is your life. It’s easy to live out a perspective fixated on what you haven’t done right or what is just out of reach. To reduce life to transactions versus a felt sense of magic. This episode is kind of “hippy” in that it’s got some guided imageries. Reason being, a lot of us don’t see the greatness in ourselves unless we are given a powerful mirror. Someone who has witnessed the path we have walked and all that we have grown to become. Often it takes an experience with this kind of person or getting outside of our bubble, to jog this deeper memory of self. A compliment from the right person has the power to inspire us and move us. Through these glimpses, we see a different truth and a more positive version of the world. I wanted to try some visualizations with you today that tap into that knowing, deliberately. Unless we curate a deeper perspective of

This is about having a loving mindset as we move through our life. What does that mean? It means feeling complete and having an inner sense of safety. From here we do not feel lack when we interact with others. Nothing is “at us” and even when someone does mean us harm, it does not land. This is the energetic state where we can be the most effective, creative, wise. So really the question becomes – how do we deliberately CURATE this state in our lives? I have some tuning exercises for this in particular as well as some reflection exercises. When we can embody love and kindness, we can light up the world, we can create limitlessly, we can see all potential. In this episode, I’m going to be talking about these two things that seem in opposition: coming from an energy of wholeness and fullness–tuning yourself to that. And then also shoring up what I call the holes in the boat, or checking what might need boundary work in your life. In other words, making sure you are being deliberate in designing a life that is

There are many phases to a long-term partnership – many moons. When it comes to long-term partnerships, we are traveling through a human existence which includes dealing with that pain of our own identity. That pain then interacts and affects our partner, which can define the kinds of conflicts we perceive are happening.   This is about how to humanely deal with the pain of miscommunication and unmet needs in long-term, intimate relationships. Many relationship issues don’t have “correct” solutions. They result from being different people with different needs and different styles of communication. The goal then becomes to act humanely as we deal with that fact – including toward ourselves. This episode is about having that goal of doing no harm and also being able to step back from our own programming. Whereas when we are choosing a partner we must be incredibly stringent in our standards, once we have chosen one, we can become accountable enough to challenge ourselves. We can practice acceptance of who the o

So much of our ability to enjoy and live a rich life comes down to our frame: how we interpret the ingredients and recognize “what is.” We also expect a TON from ourselves: We are constantly lamenting what we didn’t do, the thing that we failed at, how we fucked up this or that thing in our life, where we are still falling short. We have a very inhumane set of expectations around what we ask of ourselves: I am talking about overworking, overscheduling, overdemanding. At the cost of…happiness.   A lot of people believe they are supposed to continue to chase and muscle through work all the time. And that work will always come first and SHOULD always come first. Like everything else should be scheduled in between all that striving and it will always come at a much lower priority. Work-first is a cultural norm that many have unconsciously accepted without considering whether or not that supports your truest goals. This is an episode aimed at asking what your authentic hierarchy is and then placing time and emphas

If you have a sense of ambivalence or blah–like you’re staring at a white wall, but on an emotional or spiritual level. I wanted to write an episode that reminds us all of our humanity and what that feels like and looks like. This is about regrowing and regenerating our vitality by listening inward and channeling our creative, original voices. Allowing yourself to be “original” and not what everyone else wants you to be. Often we lose sight of who that person is, as we grow into adults and we do all the things we “should” for a very long time.   I think a lot of us either grow numb or we feel a pervasive sense of dread and exhaustion when we move through a routine set of adult functions, day after day. It can start to feel like we just need to be better at swallowing it or medicating it versus tuning in to see what is starving us. I am really talking to my type-A friends out there and also my creative friends out there.   Something I notice is that many of us feel a sense of anxiety over all that we have on o

This is for anyone who is feeling professionally or creatively stuck, like you have no prospects and like you don’t have anything going for you. It’s also for if you don’t feel mentally or emotionally shiny which adds to a sense of inaction. This episode is mostly tools for kicking off a change in that mental state. Maybe you’ve been laid off and you are feeling the lack of traction/prospects as a reflection of your talents/merits. If that’s true for you, know that a lot of people are looking for work right now and there are lots of weird effects from the pandemic and also the strikes. This is really about creating an energy shift – a way to change your relationship to life and all that’s in it. This is how we can see the same room anew. Doors and windows open all the time based on our energy. So how do we get the ball rolling on all that energy shifting? Especially when we are in a rut. Sending energy and love!! Support this week’s sponsors! Better Help This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online