Brazen Hearts, Fresh, On Sticks

"Lupo's on Cherry Street is your standard tavern. The ale's flat, but at least the serving wenches have thick heads of foam. If you hold still at the bar long enough, you'll get propositioned by some group of adventurers who just met each other for the first time. They'll invite you along to raid the Tombs of Atuan or the Lost Caverns of Tsojcanth. I turn 'em down politely. Then I send word by carrier pigeon to my old friend Sally who lives in the Lost Caverns. Let her know a fresh bunch of humanoids is on its way. "Even though it's in the human settlement of Korndale, Lupo's is the kind of place where a legless, shrivelled goblin witch can pull herself through the doorway hand over fist, and not really stand out in the crowd. That would be me, the goblin witch, Sadie. . . ." Aunt Sadie tells about confronting her ancient rival, an unspeakable force of bitchiness named Francine. Hilarity and hijinx and bloodloss are sure to follow in Aunt Sadie's Greens. [Run time: 13 minutes, 41 seconds. The link above po

"I drew my knife, lunged to the side of the bed and pressed it against his neck. 'Feel this blade? I will have you or no one will!'" Josie finally reaches SreHAAg, only to see him arrested and carried away to stand trial. What crime could be so horrible that even hobgoblins would outlaw it? Click here to download Chapter Ten: His Terrible Secret.[Run time: 5 minutes, 17 seconds. The link above points to a VBR (hi-fi), 5.1 MB mp3 file. Click here to see other file formats for downloading or streaming.]

"The good news is your crush finally speaks to you. And it's not just hi. He actually knows your name and he starts the conversation."The bad news is: he's dangling from the claws of a gargoyle at the time, being flown West to stand trial as a treasonous vegecarrion organizer. And then all he says to you is, 'Josie, save me!'"What chance does Josie have of rescuing her hunky hobgoblin from an ampitheater overflowing with hundreds of his kin, as they debate which method would be most amusing to dispatch him? Click here to download Chapter Eleven: The Emperor's Bib.Warning: This chapter is pretty gory. You might not want to play it at work, or around kids, or for yourself. For everyone else, enjoy. I don't have a good sense of where they draw the lines for movies or video games, but I would personally rate this as PG-13 or maybe Rated R.[Run time: 15 minutes, 42 seconds. The link above points to a VBR (hi-fi), 15.1 MB mp3 file. Click here to see other file formats for downloading or streaming.]Featuring Melinda

"Oooo! Why are you so mean to me? We used to be best friends! I used to sleepover at your mom’s pit all the time, and we’d stay up all night braiding bones into each other’s hair, making humans sing their funny dirges for us, talking about boys. I looked up to you like an older sister. You were always so stylish and brash and sassy. Mom wouldn’t let me dress provocatively like you did, wearing eyeballs pinned to your frocks, because she said the smell of them rotting would turn on the boys too much. You kissed your first boy before I did, and killed your first boy before I did. You learned to drive before me. I mean, drive slaves to the market. "What happened? Why did it all have to change?" On her way to seduce SreHAAg in the Cathouse Dinner Theatre, Josie is confronted by Nadia. They have a tiff. Nadia expresses herself in song.[Run time: 12 minutes, 7 seconds. The link above points to 128kbps, 11.6 MB mp3 file. Click here to see other file formats for downloading or streaming.]

I've launched a Dungeons & Dayjobs podcast to spread the stories in different format and maybe rustle up some new paying customers for the paper version. First up is "Almost Always, Somebody Lost an Eye." There's even a promo from the old Dungeons & Dayjobs cartoon, circa 1983!

Have you heard of the Cathouse Dinner Theatre? You go in there, see a show, have a bite to eat, or you can get up on stage and become part of the show, or eat the show. Or if you don't get eaten, you can get a room to continue with your eating or your performance. It's kind of weird because some of the species on stage are there to perform and some are there to be eaten. That's part of the variety. Whichever you want to perform on, there you go. Whichever ones you want to eat, you can butcher them yourself and have it cooked to order.Josie slips into the Cathouse Dinner Theatre where she hopes to catch the eye of that hobgoblin she has a crush on. Or catch his tusk or anything else. First she'll have to get past the Madame and Chango the bouncer.[Run time: 9 minutes, 19 seconds. The link above points to 128kbps, 9 MB mp3 file. Click here to see other file formats for downloading or streaming.]

Chapter 7: Trapped in The GapJosie and a faerie both want the same tanktop at the mall. While they struggle inside, goblin forces attack the faerie mall from outside with catapults and magical artillery. How will they escape the crumbling dressing rooms? Who will come out on top with the tanktop? Find out in Chapter 7: Trapped in The Gap.[Run time: 7 minutes, 37 seconds. The link above points to 128kbps, 7.3 MB mp3 file. Click here to see other file formats for downloading or streaming.]

Chapter Six: Even Werewolves Love to DishIn a very special "Brazen Hearts, Fresh, On Sticks," Josie drags Chunky up to the kitchen, telling how she rescued Rico and won the hearts of her new werewolf friends. Oh, and the special part is how she dispells some painful stereotypes about werewolves. This is Josie of the Clan Froschmauskrieg comin at you with music and fun. And if you're not careful, you may learn something before it's done![Run time: 12 minutes, 20 sec. The link above points to 128kbps, 11.8 MB mp3 file. Click here to see other file formats for downloading or streaming.]

Chapter Five: Werewolves at Rico's ThroatRico attempts to rescue Josie from the werewolves, but more importantly, did he tell you about the boy he met? His name is Beretta and he has the most gorgeous green eyes....Featuring muffled grunts and background voices by Melinda Ann Smith.[Run time: 11 minutes, 58 sec. The link above points to 128kbps, 11.5 MB mp3 file. Click here to see other file formats for downloading or streaming.]

Chapter Four: Human BootsRico asks a human for feedback on his new advertising jingle, "Human Boots." It's got a good beat, and you can strip flesh off warm corpses to it. Josie seems to be indisposed this week; maybe Rico will mention something about that.Featuring Melinda Ann Smith as the gagged human "Chunky"![Run time: 6 minutes, 30 sec. The link above points to 128kbps, 6.3 Mb mp3 file. Click here to see other file formats and sizes for downloading or streaming.]