Delight Your Marriage

You may be on a journey to get a better marriage...  But do you know where you are right now?    The trouble is when people with a 9/10 marriage give advice to someone with a 2/10 marriage...  It doesn't make sense. AND a left turn at the WRONG TIME could lead to disaster. That is why we developed the Marital Health Assessment, a tool you can use to determine if you're on track in your marriage.    Or if you need a left turn now or to stay straight for another 37 exits :)   I invite you to take this free Marital Health Assessment to determine where you are now so you can wisely choose your next steps! Delightyourmarriage.com/health

Roy was married 25 years with 5 kids. And they had a good marriage. They love the Lord and seek to serve Him with all. Intimacy was tough though. And every time he brought it up, she would get defensive, or feel like she wasn't good enough, or like he'll never be satisfied. Anyone else feel that way?  He had heard about Masculinity Reclaimed for a couple of years and finally decided it was time.  He kept hitting a wall.    And if you're in that place, I want you to know... It's legitimate that issues around intimacy hurt. They hurt deeply.    But Roy got to a place where trying to change her wasn't working.    And so, he decided it was time to look at himself.    He knew going into the program if he let his wife know, in the beginning, she would put many, many more walls up...  So, he decided to go forward without her knowing. Because, as he said, this was a coaching program FOR HIM. He had to talk to someone.  It was either therapy or a coaching program. (And he said she doesn't really like therapy either).

Is what you're doing in your marriage right now working for you?    Do you feel hopeless?   Are you lonely in your marriage?    If you believed that your actions alone could make a difference, if you knew the tools to use to make a difference in your marriage, would you be willing to use them?   Tom's story is inspiring and is not unique to graduates of Delight Your Marriage programs.   Praise God, the tools given to married individuals through our programs have moved so many marriages into places of hope, joy, and a much greater degree of the abundant life that God wants for us to live out as His people.   It is not easy. It requires us to have humility, faith in what God can do with a yielded obedient heart, perseverance, and a desire to please our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.   If any of this resonates with you, we invite you to sign up for a free Clarity Call right here.   We hope that Tom's story gives you hope that marriage could be more and motivates you to a willingness to do the work of building a

Is there dignity in humility?  Is there dignity in humiliation?  Initially, you might think not.    But then we have to take a moment to consider the cross. An excruciating death, reserved not for Roman citizens, but for rebels and slaves...  because it was SO  SO humiliating.   And yet, the God of glory, the One who DESERVES all glory and honor...  HUMILIATED Himself not only to come as a baby, giving up His power, constraining himself to human form, and giving up his rights in an infinite number of ways...   to then suffer the humiliation, the pain...  for the joy set before Him.    Not because we deserved it, ...but because it is a testament to HIS surrender to the Father's will that he endured the cross.    This is why you are humble and a servant to your spouse, ...because humility is the VERY dignity of Jesus.    Humility is what Jesus Himself modeled.    Why do you close your mouth when you want to criticize your spouse? Why do you pause instead of, "let them have it," when they deserve to be dressed d

"It's my spouse who needs to change."   If you've said this or thought this...you are right.    So now, no need to listen to anything because there's nothing for you to do but wait around in a grumpy mood 'til your spouse decides to do something.    :)   Maybe there's another opportunity here.    Maybe we can be (as our team member Kyle says) "playfully curious" about this response.    Why do we assume it's all on our spouse?  What questions are we...  a-refusing to ask b-unaware that we need to be asking c-too distracted to think about it :) (Oh, was that your email/TikTok/IG/Facebook/text message notification that just went off? :P )   Today's episode is to help you honestly look at where your marriage is, and discern if and how your partner is the issue.   And, if and how, with playful curiosity, you might have an opportunity in your situation, as well!   Love & Blessings, Belah   PS If you want to see if we can help you in your marriage and honestly evaluate where you can work in your marriage, we inv

  This episode was back from the very beginning of 2019. Wow! It's STILL relevant. And even when I re-listened, I was struck by a specific exercise that put life in great perspective. I encourage you to do the same -- for God's glory to ultimately be experienced in your marriage, family, and life! In the long view of your 100 years on earth, what is going to matter in THIS season? I had an abrupt and unsettling realization when I had a parent-teacher conference a few weeks ago. Though I believe I was discerning God’s will and way for my life, I don’t believe I was pursuing it in God’s timing. And that is one of the central themes around today’s podcast. What is your season (mine is a quarter inch) in the grand scheme of life? And what matters most right now? From there, what do you do with that understanding? How does it become practical and lived out? Blessings, Belah PS If you’d like to see if we can help you in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call here. From a Masculinit

This was meant to be a light & encouraging holiday podcast episode.    Then, it turned into a heavy and warning-type episode.    You'll be around souls this holiday.    Souls, that maybe you don't feel fully at peace with. Souls, that maybe you have been wronged by. Souls, that maybe you still feel the sting of the pain they inflicted on you.   This is spoken for no specific person...except, definitely for me. Also, maybe for all of those I work with. And maybe every person who has ever told me about their marriage struggles. And maybe everyone else I know, too.   So, yeah... take this one personally.   May God stir His truth in you.   This is the good news: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."   This is the terrifying truth... "But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."  Jesus said this in the gospel of Matthew 6:15 (NIV).   Here's the deal...   I follow Jesus and need Him to save me. I NEED him

This was originally published a while back--but we highly recommend you listen again as you're praying through and discerning what God has for you in the new season of 2023. … I love New Years because everything feels fresh and energized. Even though, practically speaking, it's the same as every other day, you just have to start training yourself to use a new number at the end of your dates. But I am all about using whatever energy there is to increase my chances of growth and change--in God's will.  So, that's what today's podcast is about--becoming stronger in your vision. It's about realizing that you're going to stand before Jesus and He'll be curious what you did with your days…which lead to weeks…which lead to years, and then decades. We must be cautious about how we spend our time and spend it in priority to God's will.  I will show you the specific document I have used since 2013 and review at least quarterly to align my life with how I perceive God wants me to live.  I will also discuss the process I

This is the next part of Communication Secrets and I think it's an important addendum.    We talk about what to do when you're disappointed with your spouse.  When you want them to change.  When you feel they were irresponsible.   I have two examples for you:  1 - When a friend was irresponsible and God brought conviction even when He kept me from saying anything. 2 - When I was irresponsible (I know---unbelievable!) and God brought conviction even when my husband didn't say anything.   I hope this brings you encouragement, direction, and skills as you attempt to live God's way in your marriage.   Love,  Belah   PS - If you’d like to see if our programs would be a good fit for you in helping you grow in your marriage, we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call.   From a Masculinity Reclaimed graduate:  “For the first time EVER we had whole-hearted sexual intimacy, 2 or 3 times total. This was something that I had no idea even existed and it was barely believable. It was so amazing.  We haven't argued in mo

… So much stress revolves around communication. I've been there! My husband and I have miscommunications everyday. Today, for example, I was telling him about a sore in my mouth and he was sure I was talking about Europe.  That is silly and allowed for laughter. But what about when someone is lost and just hoping for the other to quickly look up directions. Or, when you're in a stressful situation, and one of you is incomprehensible (to you).  Well, I want to invite you to reframe what good communication is.  I want to invite you to consider what really matters in communication with your spouse.  I try to debunk some unhelpful cliches: "Your spouse should be your best friend," or "You have to be compatible with someone to be happy," or "If you don't connect on common interests, you'll die a miserable, lonely, painful death.” Alright, that last one isn't a cliche I've heard! (but maybe have felt?) Let's get some fun back in our lives and let miscommunication be the fodder!   Blessings, Belah PS If you need imm

Since Thanksgiving is coming up and we’re around people we love, but sometimes have strained relationships. We wanted to repost this episode so you can apply it to your family relationships and your spouse.  We love you and wish you a peaceful and grateful-filled Thanksgiving!! … Sometimes we look at our blowups and wonder -- how did we even get here?  How did a wrong turn, an unpaid bill, an unwashed dish, or a burnt potholder... turn into World War III? What happened here? And why is this kind of nonsense tearing our family apart at its foundations? It's because you're not really fighting about a potholder.  You're fighting about all the unmet expectations from the years and years of pain you've experienced. And so is your spouse.  How do you get out of this cycle?  And more important: what does Jesus require of you in this cycle?  What does it matter in eternity whether or not you succumb to these kinds of blow ups? Well, my goal is to give you a bit of fear of the Lord to decide you are going to be a real

Often preparing for Thanksgiving is the real STRESS. So -- guess what!? Make love now, so you have a connected, peaceful, and truly enjoyable Thanksgiving next week. ... Duty sex…this is such a huge challenge for SO many couples - on both sides of the aisle!   Husbands and wives, how does our personal approach to sexual intimacy affect our spouse?    Does sexual intimacy within our marriage lead us toward one another or away from one another?   And if it often or sometimes leads us away from each other, is that our Creator’s intention? How do we fix this? Can it be fixed?   The fact of the matter is, the answers to these questions can be hard to come by! There just isn’t a lot of guidance out there for couples who want a God-honoring sexual relationship in their marriage!    If sexual intimacy is a gift from our Creator - and we know that ALL of His gifts are good - then why is this area of our lives so often filled with hurt and pain?   Does it really matter whose fault it is? Playing the blame game doesn’t

(Alliteration is such a... joy--isn't it? :) Hoping that gave you a needed chuckle...   But seriously... Mick's story is GREAT! He is a dynamic, charismatic, and tell-it-straight kinda guy. When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that seemed on target.  Well, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage. But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband. So... with lots of smiling he shared that they enjoyed (like never before...ever) "full-blown, wholehearted sexual intimacy...truly unbelievable." Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility. He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage. He was ready to do the work and take 100% responsibility AND accountability for himself. His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage.   Is there hope for you?  Y

If you've ever seen a headline (one of mine or someone else's), "They did [this] and got [this]" you may have experienced a "transactional trigger".  My motivation is to attract people who need transformation in their marriages.  What I call "missional marketing", some may call "bait and switch", which is kind of true, too. You may be someone who came for a certain outcome, but you listened and found out that to get that [thing], you have to change who you are - including your motivations. For many, it works (by God's grace).  But, initially, it may have triggered transactional thinking for you.  This can lead you to believe that you’re guaranteed a certain result if you do [X] for your spouse.    Here's what I hope for you.  I hope that you'll start your journey with an expectation of an incredible marriage and sex life and end your journey with a completely different set of motivations: to love your spouse the way Jesus loves them. Unconditionally.  Whether they do X or not, you get to love them the way Jes

I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it. Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral. Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good. My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean. Maybe it's our human nature? Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do... He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.    (We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader.   ​​And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.)   But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse...   I was doing everything and unless I

When I look back on my life — when I see what is currently unseen — when I see Jesus face to face — when all has been revealed… I am convinced I will be BLOWN AWAY by the love I never realized He truly had for me.  In the Bible, it says that God feeds the birds. (Mt 6:26) He FEEDS the birds.    I was observing birds yesterday in the park.  There are tons of them, flitting around, this way and that.  And yet the God of the universe cares about His creation, so much so, that He Himself feeds the birds!    He is intimately aware of your life and what you’re going through.  And He is feeding you. He is clothing you. He is giving you far more than just that. He wants you to realize that in every good AND in every suffering, He remains good.  There is SO much you (and I) cannot see.  He allows suffering for His reasons only He can see. But when you trust this truth that He is the one that gives everything that is right in your life — it allows you to see the suffering better. You can endure the suffering with a pea

Do you feel broken? Dirty? Ashamed? These are all normal feelings for a victim of sexual trauma.    Do you know what feelings Lisa now has? Freedom. Confidence. Trust. One in four, or even one in three women, have been victims of sexual abuse.  One in six men have been.    So, many of us need the HOPE for healing Lisa gives us.  Was it instant? Was it easy to confront? Was it comfortable to start this process? No.   She had to have courage to get out and join a healing process to get to the other side where God ultimately wanted her to be.    You will love her story and the encouragements she gives.  Especially the one and most important thing that she wants you to know, if you've been abused.    Love & Blessings, Belah   PS - If you'd like to get "vision", the opportunity for "intention" and the "means" to transformation (as Dallas Willard says)... I invite you to sign up for a Clarity Call. You'll work with a Clarity Advisor to discern that vision. delightyourmarriage.com/cc Looking forward to seeing ho

"Betrayal to a marriage is what dynamite is to a door" says Gary Thomas. Obliterating all trust, safety, dreams... Could there be hope? Could there be restoration? And... How could this have been prevented?    This is what we discuss on today's episode.    If these are your questions, Gary gives a lot of insight I think you'll want to listen in to. What can you do as a couple to right the ship? What can you as a couple do to come together and see how to build your marriage with strength and solidness -- keeping any explosives far, far away.  Check out Gary's work and his new book at garythomas.com -- (also he has many other books that you'll want to check out!) Love & Blessings, Belah   PS -- We'd love to help you heal your marriage no matter what the issue is, and if you're looking for a program to come alongside other men and/or women, I invite you to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to speak to a Clarity Advisor to see how we can support you.    PPS -- A recent grad wrote: "Massively improved our marr

Are you getting close to marriage and the looming thought of a healthy sex life gives anxiety? I invite you to listen in to these two women who were virgins when they got engaged (one is now married) and hear how they processed through the anxiety.  And now on the other side of the program, they have a confidence and a relaxed sense around something that used to be very difficult to even think about.    Maybe you or someone you know needs insights around marriage and intimacy before they start this journey.    I hope this conversation blesses and encourages you! Belah   PS -- If you want to see how we can serve you in your particular situation, sign up for a Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc     PPS - A woman in the Delighted Wife program shared this recently:  This programme is Christ-centred, led by an amazing loving, wise, compassionate, trustworthy team. They have all 'been there' in marriage challenges themselves so speak with humility and empathy. There's lots of laughter too which is so good.

Enrollment for the program closes tonight, Masculinity Reclaimed delightyourmarriage.com/minvite ----- Today's podcast episode... If perverted masculinity is overly aggressive or on the other side, overly passive... what is it actually SUPPOSED to look like?  What is a strong man?  What is a true man of God? What is the masculinity God desires of you?   That's the topic Kyle and I discuss today. Lots of really fresh ideas, insights, frameworks, and also very, very old ways of viewing the nature of how God designed men.  Kyle is super -- you're going to love his insights and heart after the Lord.  Gosh, I'm excited for you to hear what it's all about!   If you've been praying about our 3-month program, Masculinity Reclaimed... the program CLOSES TONIGHT, if you'd like to join, now is your time...  delightyourmarriage.com/minvite