Savage Lovecast

Happy birthday America, damn you’re kinky! This week’s show features a ton of calls by the kinky, those who love them, or those who are considering becoming them. Let’s dive in.  A woman and her bestie are no longer speaking to each other. Why? Because she refuses to help change out the caller’s labia piercing jewelry.  A switch woman (she can either be the dom or sub,) isn’t into humiliation. But all her partners assume she is or try to push her into it. How can she be clear about this simple hard no?  On the Magnum, it’s Mollena a.k.a “the Perverted Negress” or “The Kink Doula.” She and Dan talk about how to get started with S&M gradually, how doms have feelings too, and the rookie mistake of assuming your sub is willing to be a 24/7 slave. Until you do some planning and negotiation, you don’t just get a free laundress.  A woman lives in a community that has a lot of traumatized war veterans and refugees. She is into varsity level rough sex. She recently demanded that her lover hit her harder even though sh

A woman and her husband have quit drinking. Hooray! But now that he’s sober he no longer feels comfortable getting pegged. Boo! How can he lower his inhibitions without the liquid courage? Dan chats with a woman who finally convinced her boyfriend to tell her about his secret, deep, dark, unrealizable fantasy. She and Dan problem-solve how to make it all work for him. Lucky lad… On the Magnum, just when you thought Pride month couldn’t get any gayer, Dan chats with Manuel Betancourt, author of The Male Gazed. They talk about the lasting impact of hiding your sexuality when you most want to express it, performing masculinity, wrestling singlets and a ton more.  A transman has fallen in love with his best friend- a tranwoman. They had great sex, but the friend isn’t ready to be in a sexual relationship with the caller. How can he get over his heartbreak? He feels like she is the only one who truly understands him.  We understand.  [email protected]    206-302-2064

Ah. The old jiz-on-the-couch problem. This time it’s a 13 year-old boy just learning about the wonders of his youthful body. His mother wishes he would learn about socks and tissues.  We’ve been hearing the word “narcissistic” hurled at exes a lot these days. But it is a genuine psychiatric disorder, and a rare one. Dan chats with Rebecca Fishbein who wrote an article in Bustle about therapy-speak and how it’s been weaponized lately.  On the Magnum, Dan brings back sociology professor Dr. Kelsy Burke to talk about her new book- The Pornography Wars. They talk about the many enemies arrayed against porn throughout history, how porn and porn addiction get defined, and they advise a caller on whether he should tell his jealous girlfriend that he occasionally watches homemade porn of his exes.  And, somehow a gay man in the South doesn’t know if there are apps that help people in open relationships meet and get laid.  [email protected]. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep-the best mattress f

They are a butch, gender-queer AFAB, kinky pervert. As such, they love going to sex parties. Their boyfriend meanwhile, is straight, vanilla and family oriented. Their relationship is open, and he’s found a lass he wants to bone down with. But the caller doesn’t want him to! It’s a complicated situation, and Dan is here to help.  Next up, Dan chats with a caller whose new dom demands that she shave off all her body hair for an erotic “inspection.” But she’s a feminist and has issues with this request. Should she do it? Did she do it? Hear their convo and find out.  On the Magnum, have you heard of “compersion?” Our spell check program sure hasn’t! It comes to us straight from poly-land. It’s “the positive emotion one feels when one sees their partner with another person.” Our guest this week is Dr. Marie Thouin, an expert on the concept. She and Dan discuss how compersion and jealousy can coexist, how it differs from cuckolding, and how long until San Fransisco is one giant polycule? Finally, a woman is in th

A straight man detests condoms with all his heart. Even the thought of putting on one of those rubbers makes him deflate like the ears on a 2-day-old balloon rabbit. Is this a fetish of some kind? It prevents him from having sex and it’s bumming him out.  There seems to be a fair bit of confusion about silicone sex toys and lube. Can silicone lube harm silicone sex toys? Or do they love each other so much? Dan hops on the phone with Searah Deysach from Chicago’s Early to Bed sex toy store, to set the record straight.  On the Magnum, things get heavy with a slew of questions concerning sexual abuse and trauma. Consider yourself trigger-warned. Dan brings on Dr. Leila Wood, a researcher and social worker at Austin’s Center for Sexual Violence Prevention. They talk about how to support a friend in an abusive relationship, the difficulty partners can have in playing the “villain” in erotic contexts and how kinky sex can be profoundly healing.  Finally, why all the hate for Mother’s Day? Can’t we all just get alon

A woman feels guilty that she’s only interested in tall men. How can she weed out the little fellas?  Our guest this week is author Matt Baume, to discuss his fantastic book “Hi Honey, I’m Homo,” which looks at queer history through the lens of old TV shows. Shows like Soap, Bewitched and All in the Family grappled with gayness in secret and overt ways that reflect the historical context of when they aired. And because this is the Savage Lovecast, Dan makes Matt answer a question about fucking trees. Some of the convo is on the Micro and all of it is on the Magnum.  A man plans to propose to his girlfriend. His mom died when he was very young, leaving behind a diamond in his dad’s care. His dad really wants him to give this diamond to his fiancé, but the caller doesn’t want to. What should he do?  And, a woman is begging you. Please, please, please, if you have a penis, can wash it before you plan to use it? And wash your underpants too?  Sure you can!  [email protected] 206-302-2064 This episode is brough

A gay man is simultaneously weirded out and turned on by using the word “daddy” with his boyfriend. Should he stop immediately?  A woman’s husband cheated on her and it breaks her heart. She can’t divorce him because she would get deported. How can she stay married and stay sane for the next three years when she can become a legal citizen?  On the Magnum, we take a deep dive into the freaky, freaky world of the animal kingdom with zoologist and best-selling author Lucy Cooke. Her book “Bitch: On the Female of the Species” offers plenty of Lovecast fodder. She and Dan discuss the blurry, complicated connection between sex & gender, how science is riddled with cultural bias, and a ton of animal fun facts. (Some of you sub fellas are going to want to be reincarnated as an angler fish.)  And, a woman new to her very small town just ended a 2 month relationship. Her ex’s best friend swooped in and invited her to join him in a threesome. She wants to! The couple is hot! But would this make her a bad ex? Would it ma

A small time influencer has just been propositioned by an aspiring “pay pig” asking her to be his findom. He backed up this offer with $5 for coffee. Enticing! Should she do it? And if so, what are the rules in keeping the relationship lucrative and ethical?  The other day? This guy was wanking? And guess what came out of his wiener along with the usual stuff…Blood! This call is disgusting. But Dan answers it, and manages to make it even grosser.  On the Magnum, uh oh! It’s time for a Second Opinion. Meredith Goldstein is a good one to consult, as she hosts the Love Letters podcast, and writes an advice column for The Boston Globe. She and Dan talk about how hard it is when one person in a relationship wants kids and the other doesn’t, the grief of breaking up, and (ulp!) keeping fit for your partner.  And, a lad with a charming Irish accent asks if the camming he’s been doing on and off for eight years is a form of cheating on his long term partner.  We like your questions very much. Send them in!  Q@Savage

A woman suddenly started having orgasms while using the elliptical machine at the gym. To help explain this potentially embarrassing phenomenon, Dan brings on Dr. Debby Herbenick, author of The Coregasm Workout: The Revolutionary Method for Better Sex Through Exercise. And you now have a new goal. A dom woman and her bi male sub are having a trouble trying to find a male unicorn. They have time constraints, and they live in a suburb, not a city. The guys they meet either can’t get it up, or ghost them. He is impatient to enjoy some male attention. How can they find the man of their three-way dreams? On the Magnum, Dan brings on author and comedian Jolenta Greenberg. Jolenta co-hosts: How to be Fine, which analyzes self-help and wellness culture. They talk about how men are getting bamboozled into this genre as well as women, and you’ll enjoy a lengthy discussion about stinky dicks. And for you who insist on watching television, a discussion on how to pretend you’re familiar with something called “Real Housewi

A very vanilla woman is so vanilla that she “doesn’t know what a kink is.” That’s really vanilla! Here’s a complicated three-way situation: He is the top with his husband. But he is the sub for his Dom boyfriend. When the three get together, who does what? On the Magnum we welcome back Dr. Carlton Thomas, the intrepid gastroenterologist who fears no anal sex question. Example! One caller wants his butt to feel raw from rough use. Then, a woman wants to stretch her asshole for her boyfriend and wonders if it will snap back. They talk about giant sex toys, sex toys getting lost up there, Bengay as lube and more! Listen in!  And, more tamely, a woman worries that her boyfriend’s halitosis bodes ill for oral sex. Could she get an infection from his stinky spit?  Send us your Qs. Dan will give you an A [email protected] 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for

A gay man living in the south is having a heckuva time trying to find a trans man to hook up with. Also he doesn’t want to come across as a chaser… Hear the unpleasant tale of the careless, selfish dom who boxed his lover on the ears twice (after being told not to) and took some non-consensual pics as well. You hate to see it.  On the Magnum, Dan brings on non-binary the comedian Mae Martin. They talk about “the gender thing” - gender fluidity, top surgery, the difference between sex and gender, neo-pronouns and the freedom to pursue who you are. Martin is a delight, as is their comedy special on Netflix.  And, a woman and her boyfriend want him locked up in a chastity cage. But how can she keep his “beautiful dick” safe? [email protected]     206-302-2064 Foria Wellness Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CBD to effectively enhance intimacy, sexual pleasure, daily wellbeing, and relief from discomfort. Get 20% off your first order by v

Is it feasible to start your pro-Domme career at age 43? This married woman with kids wants to get back in the life.  A lesbian is married to a woman with a Catholic upbringing and actively religious family. They live in a country where they have to pay dues to the church. When her wife goes to Catholic ceremonies like baptisms and funerals, the caller feels white hot fury. Should she let her wife go with the conservative flow, or fight it? Dan’s answer…may shock you.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with comedian and writer Zach Zimmerman about threesomes as gay privilege, sleeping (or flirting) with your landlord and whether posthumous outing is ok.  Also, you Magnum subs will learn a little something VERY personal about Dan Savage.  [email protected]     206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you b

A theme emerges! Sadly, the theme is seeing your dad’s dick. Would you be able to pick out your dad’s dick in a dick line-up? No, you would not.  A woman’s brother is about to do time for pedophilia. Compounding the tragedies here, the caller has lost all sense of her own sexuality due to her brother’s crimes. How can she get back to herself?  On the Magnum, Dan chats with artist, writer and gay activist Leo Herrera on gay men using words like “pussy” and “mangina” to refer to their butts. They also get into how the concept of “breeding” came to be used as a sexual term.  And, a straight man wonders why he feels so much better after having partnered sex, as opposed to masturbation. [email protected].  206-302-2064 Get your M n’ Ms: www.PlanCpills.org This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseastories.com/savage.  This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that m

Have you ever been to a terribly complicated orgy? This one promises to be epic. Hear about the game they invented called “Spin the Bottom.”  A trans woman has started feeling claustrophobic when she goes down on either her male or female partner. Oral is her favorite! What gives?  On the Magnum and the Micro, Dan welcomes professor and sex researcher Dr. Lori Botto to talk about the nature of asexuality. Is it mutable? Can you be in a relationship if you’re ace?  On the Magnum, Mistress Matisse is back to help answer some general sex worker questions: a woman is planning a three-way with a sex worker. Should she warn the sex worker that she’s a big ole squirter? A man with sex work in his past isn’t sure how to roll this history out to potential partners. And, how can you achieve poppin’ nips like the strippers have? Matisse handles it all with eloquence and grace.  [email protected]   206-302-2064 Foria is an all natural health & sexual wellness company with product lines using the power of plant actives & CB

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A couple with adult children want to start using apps together. The kids know their mom is bi, but they don’t know about the open relationship. What happens if their kid sees them on one of the apps?  Some people need sexy costumes for their scene. Some people need toys or bondage gear. This lady needs a large quantity of blood.  On the Magnum, have you ever thought about how awkward it would be to have to act in a sex scene? Dan brings on Intimacy Coordinator Jessica Steinrock to explain her profession, how she ensures safety for the actors, and keeps the steamy sex scenes you love ethical. Is the TV/Film industry actually getting its shit together? Probably not! But this is a step in the right direction.  And a lesbian wonders if her relationships always go down in flames because she is *too* understanding and non-judgmental.  [email protected]. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by the Meridian Trimmer, the very best tool to trim your body hair. Go to MeridianGrooming.com and use the code SAVAGE for

What is up with using the word “cuck” as an insult? Has it replaced “faggot” as the slur of choice? A man has been dating a woman for a few months. He feels they could have long term potential, even with the possibility of children. But! He doesn’t feel a chemical attraction to her pussy like he does with other women. How ill does this bode?  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Paul Scheer- actor, comedian and host of the film podcast Unspooled, about the Oscars, belly fetishes, noisy sex and what it’s like to be inundated by the Star Trek fandom.  And, if you use a nipple suction toy, you just might get more than you bargained for… [email protected]. 206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by the Meridian Trimmer, the very best tool to trim your body hair. Go to MeridianGrooming.com and use the code SAVAGE for an exclusive 15% off.  This episode is brought to you by Dipsea: an app full of hundreds of short, sexy audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30 day free trial when you go to dipseast

For the stout of heart, if you dare, hear the tale of shibari bondage gone wrong.  A woman had a nice date with a man she suspects is very short. Then he kind of ghosted her. Should she tell him that she doesn’t care about his height?  Drag mega-star Jinkx Monsoon joins Dan in a righteous rant against red state politicians’ cynical attacks on drag performance and trans people. And they call out the silence from high profile “straight allies” who have been profiting off drag for years. Some of this fiery conversation is on the Micro and all of it is on the Magnum.  Finally, more than a few of you will smugly smile when you hear about the cheating man, who dates a cheating woman and they are each mad at each other about all the cheating.  [email protected]. 206-302-2064 Talkspace This episode is brought to you by Talkspace- online therapy that makes it easy to get extra mental health support. For $100 off your first month, go to Talkspace.com and use the offer code Savage. Meridian Grooming This episode is brough

A woman masturbates in her sleep. Although she’s currently single, she worries about times when she has to share a room with family or friends. Should she warn them?  A woman’s sister plans to gallivant off to Texas to meet an online lover for the first time, on his rural cattle ranch, for some no-strings-attached BDSM sex. What could go wrong? The caller plans to slip an air tag in her luggage, and hope for the best.  On the Magnum, Dan brings back anal surgeon Dr. Evan Goldstein. In his practice at Bespoke Surgical, he sees it all: Fistulas. Glands. Fissures. And now you get to hear all about it! Too many doctors dismiss medical problems associated with anal sex, so Dan and the good doctor discuss ways to validate anal health practices. He and Dan both frown on numbing lubes. And the debate is on: spit or lube?  A man has been married for 20 years. Both he and his wife are bi, but she is no longer interested in sex with him. She has a girlfriend, he has a boyfriend. She has suggested he move in to his boyfr

Ok, let’s say you don’t drink alcohol. But you do drink piss, right? If your lover drank a bunch of beer and then you drank his piss, did you just drink alcohol?  A woman had an affair with a man she had been very close friends with. His wife found out, and it all blew up. He asked to cut off all contact while he fixed things with his wife. She just learned that he has cancer, and the caller wonders if she can reach out to him now. Heart-breaking! On the Magnum, Dan enlists the help of sex and culture writer Magdalene Taylor to talk about why people are not having enough sex. Her piece in the New York Times paints a very grim picture indeed. Even in Berlin this is happening! Also, the son of a co-worker is spouting some incel ideology online. Should the caller say something to the mom?  And, a woman keeps dating men who look alike! She just started dating a man who looks so much like her nasty ex, that she’s worried people will comment on it. It’s embarrassing, but is it a deal-breaker? [email protected]. 206-302