We Hate Movies

On this episode, the gang takes apart the dull-as-dirt Michael Keaton ghost movie, White Noise! How famous does an author have to be before getting their disappearance covered on national news? Why doesn't Michael Keaton's character immediately call the cops on this EVP "expert"? And were they serious with that construction worker? PLUS: A major show development is revealed! White Noise stars Michael Keaton, Ian McNeice, Deborah Kara Unger and Chandra West; directed by Geoffrey Sax. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this month's WHM Mail Bag, the gang reads letters from fans who flipped the "What Are YOU Watching?" trope on its head, got sent to the library basement with a Russian war films on VHS and who once had a history teacher conduct a very inappropriate "contest" in class. If you want your hilarious, weird or socially awkward story read on the air, write in to the WHM Mail Bag: [email protected]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang breaks the infamous Ten Year Rule to dissect the delayed, but insane, Seventh Son! Julianne Moore as a witch, or whatever? Jeff Bridges as a witch slayer, or whatever? And what's with Jon Snow at the beginning? PLUS: He was The Dude, goddammit! Seventh Son stars Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, Ben Barnes, Olivia Williams and Kit Harington -- briefly; directed by Sergey Bodrov. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this episode of Animation Damnation, the guys tackle an episode of Captain N: The Game Master entitled, "Happy Birthday, Megaman". Why does Megaman look and sound like a talking garbage can? Why is Simon Belmont acting like a snooty Johnny Bravo? And who is that Princess? PLUS: Welcome to The Pleasure Zone! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang gets all Father Merrin as they attempt to exorcise the silly Exorcist wannabe, Stigmata! Well before her Boyhood nomination, Patricia Arquette starred in a film with music by Billy Corgan and wardrobe by Jellies! What's with all the freaking out here? Why is Gabriel Byrne's character such a jerk? And how close is too close before you're ripping off a cinematic classic? PLUS: Eric reveals the best kept secret of the popular computer game, Diablo! Stigmata stars Patricia Arquette, Gabriel Byrne, Jonathan Pryce, Nia Long, Enrico Colantoni and the great Rade Serbedzija; directed by Rupert Wainwright. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang kick off Oscar Month with the ridiculous serial killer snooze, Taking Lives! Sure, he's nominated for Best Supporting Actor this year, but back in 2004, Boyhood was still a decade off and Ethan Hawke had to keep the lights on somehow! How did they think they could cover up that Hawke is the killer? How are there no Canadian accents in this French-Canadian thriller? And why did Gena Rowlands bother keeping that little murderer's bedroom in such great shape? PLUS: That old guy that will evaluate your artistic ability via the mail really, really likes Kiefer Sutherland. Taking Lives stars Angelina Jolie, Ethan Hawke, Gena Rowlands, Kiefer Sutherland, Olivier Martinez, Paul Dano and Tchéky Karyo; directed by D.J. Caruso. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

This month on the WHM Mail Bag, the gang read letters involving awkward dad screenings, a love that was never meant to be, and some of the absolute worst teachers in the country that were somehow all situated in one, single high school. PLUS: World renowned script doctor, Eric Movie, drops by to get in on the mail bag fun!   If you want your weird, movie-related stories read on the air, write in to the WHM Mail Bag - [email protected]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode the gang goes undercover with Arnold and the rest of his crummy DEA friends in the super embarrassing, pee-smelling crime drama, Sabotage! What is with all these ridiculous nicknames? We're looking at you, Monster! How hilarious is it when Arnold tells off that fat guy? And what on the planet Earth is with Olivia Williams' accent? PLUS: Indy got in the fridge for feminism! Sabotage stars Olivia Williams, Harold Perrineau and The Team: Arnold Schwarzenegger as "Breacher", Sam Worthington as "Monster", Joe Manganiello as "Grinder", Josh Holloway as "Neck", Terrence Howard as "Sugar", Max Martini as "Pyro", Kevin Vance as "Tripod", Mark Schlegel as "Smoke" Jennings and Mireille Enos as... Lizzy; directed by David Ayer. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this episode, the gang starts finding a pattern in the worst films of 2014 as they tackle another demon/monster movie with Dracula Untold! Why try to make the audience sympathize with a notorious mass murderer? Why did we need Vampire Cam? And why did Dracula need to have a Spider-man-esque "finding my powers" sequence? PLUS: Let the games being! (At least according to Charles Dance...) Dracula Untold stars Luke Evans, Sarah Gadon, Dominic Cooper and Charles Dance; directed by Gary Shore. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies 

On this week's episode, the gang tackles what Andrew swears is "one of the worst films" he's ever seen. It's the magical, flying horse, angry demon epic, Winter's Tale! How is someone sneaking into the attic of Grand Central Terminal in 2014? Why did the horse's wings have to look that terrible? And who on Earth taught Russell Crowe that Irish accent? PLUS: Peter Falk criticizes other people's decisions. DOUBLE PLUS: Eric proposes a new Olympic event! Winter's Tale stars Jessica Brown Findlay, Colin Farrell, Russell Crowe, William Hurt, Graham Greene, Jennifer Connelly and... Will Smith; directed by Akiva Goldsman. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

We're back! Kicking off 2015 with the Worst of 2014, the gang tackles one of the biggest, most useless stinkers in show history, I, Frankenstein! How many times can you use the world gargoyle before going insane? Is Adam Frankenstein sterile? And why on planet Earth would you try to wrap this into Underworld Marvel-style? PLUS: Everyone gets Monster Mash-ed! It's good to be back! I, Frankenstein stars Aaron Eckhart, Yvonne Strahovski, Miranda Otto, Bill Nighy, Jai Courtney, Bruce Spence and Kevin Grevioux; directed by Stuart Beattie. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this Animation Damnation, the gang takes a terrifying look at the Life with Louie Christmas special, "A Christmas Surprise for Mrs. Stillman"! Caution: Impressions of both Louie Anderson and Roseanne Barr abound!  Okay, now this is really all the material we have for 2014. Have a fantastic holiday season and we'll see you all in 2015. Thanks so much for listening this year! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the final episode of 2014, the gang talks about the ridiculous, Christmas-set sequel, Look Who's Talking Now! Why exactly is this woman chasing after John Travolta? Why are these dogs and babies born knowing everything? And just how close does Kirstie Alley's character get to a complete nervous breakdown? PLUS: Our Sucker Punchmentary is available now! Look Who's Talking Now stars John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Diane Keaton and Danny DeVito; directed by Tom Ropelewski. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this month's WHM Mail Bag, the guys chat about hamster disposal, boring Hobbit movies, terrible movies parents bring kids to and more! How did your parents get rid of dead pets? Are you catching that third Hobbit film? And where should parents draw the line with bringing kids to films?   If you want your questions, stories or strange movie-going experiences read on the air, write into the Mail Bag: [email protected]! No one wants to see this third Hobbit movie, right? Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this very special WHM On-Screen, the guys chat about the controversy over the new Rogen/Franco film, The Interview! Plus: We get exclusive details about the film from one of the few people in the world to have seen it: our very own Chris Cabin! We set out to discuss the film and the Sony Pictures controversy behind it, but somehow managed to also come up with an even better idea for a film, a futuristic horror thriller tentatively titled Hitlergeist. The Interview stars Seth Rogen, James Franco, Lizzy Caplan and Randall Park; directed by Evan Goldberg & Seth Rogen. Hitlergeist will (hopefully) star Craig T. Nelson. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In the second-to-last episode of 2014, the gang tackles the oft-requested, yet never recorded, Super Mario Bros.! Why do we need all this life-of-a-plumber back story before we get to Koopaland? Did the cast really get drunk on the set to cope with making such an obviously terrible movie? And we finally discuss the cockiest, most awkward sequel set-up in film history. PLUS: Our depressing, "Dark Knight Returns" inspired ending to an aging Mario Mario. Super Mario Bros. stars Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Samantha Mathis, Fisher Stevens, Richard Edson, Fiona Shaw and, yes, Lance Henriksen; directed by Annabel Jankel & Rocky Morton. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this episode, the gang celebrates their fourth anniversary on the air by breaking the Ten Year Rule to discuss the ridiculous fake-sequel, Jingle All the Way 2! What kind of Christmas film would Steve star in? How does Larry build that Christmas tree from car parts? And why does Werner Herzog love calling in to The Morning Zoo? PLUS: So many Stone Cold Stunners. Jingle All the Way 2 stars Larry the Cable Guy, Kennedi Clements, Brian Stepanek, Kirsten Robek and Anthony "Santino Marella" Carelli; directed by Alex Zamm. And a huge thanks for four great years of listening to us talk about bad movies! Here's to four more! Hey kewl! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang cracks a horrendous 1980's sex cult with the ridiculous comedy, Three Men and a Baby! Just how large is this New York City apartment? Why do these guys try to play hardball with serious drug dealers? And was that really Wilson from Home Improvement? PLUS: We look inside a seedy, 1980's Manhattan sex cult through the eyes of one tortured doorman! Three Men and a Baby stars Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, Steve Guttenberg, Nancy Travis, Margaret Colin, Philip Bosco and Earl Hindman; directed by Star Trek's Leonard Nimoy. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

A perfect treat to download before your drive home from what was surely a wholesome family gathering! On this WHM Mailbag, we chat about awkward Ninja Scroll screenings, terrible, yet amazing Jason Goes to Hell audiences, and we also mention some of our favorite films, both new and old!  If you have a ridiculous WHM-relate story or have a question for the gang, be sure to email us at [email protected]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the latest #WHMLRM comes to an end as the guys discuss the totally insane Frank Darabont thriller, Buried Alive! What is with that guitar twang? Did that sheriff just ask Tim Matheson out on a date? And what is William Atherton doing to those fish? PLUS: Coming this summer - Fat Inception. Buried Alive stars Tim Matheson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, William Atherton and Hoyt Axton; directed by Frank Darabont. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies