We Hate Movies

Our #WHMSpooktacular2014 rolls on with the totally pointless teen horror snore-quel, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer! Why does Freddie insist on going to that terrifying clam bake? Who thought up this Jack Black character? And who was asking for all this obnoxious Mekhi Phifer sex talk? PLUS: Can we finally see someone painting a threat in blood? I Still Know What You Did Last Summer stars Jennifer Love Hewitt, Freddie Prinze, Jr., Brandy, Mekhi Phifer and Muse Watson; directed by Danny Cannon. And be sure to grab your marathon passes to the Jacob Burns Film Center's After Dark Halloween Marathon where we'll be performing live! A trip to Muldoon's may follow! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this month's WHM Mail Bag, the gang chats about awkward encounters with angry dads, day jobs for retired Transformers, and their own personal werewolf preferences. If you'd like to hear your weird stories and questions for the gang read on the air, write in to the WHM Mail Bag: [email protected]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

The #WHMSpooktacular2014 rolls on with a trip back to Crystal Lake in the insanely stupid sequel, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday! Why did they think this body swapping thing was a good idea? Where did Creighton Duke learn all this stuff about the supposed Voorhees mythology? And why, oh why, do we need more drama from Crystal Lake townies? PLUS: The leather bondage shaving scene you didn't know you'd get in a Friday the 13th film! Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday stars John D. LeMay, Kane Hodder, Steven Williams, Steven Culp, Kari Keegan, Richard Grant and Erin Gray; directed by Adam Marcus. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

The gang welcomes back comedian and friend Justin J. Case to help kick off the sequel-centric #WHMSpooktacular2014 with the genre-flopping, C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D.! What would happen if E.T. went to high school? How did Brian Robbins keep that mullet in check? And do we compensate the widows of C.H.U.D. soldiers? PLUS: We don't give you the fake C.H.U.D. box set you deserve, but we give you the fake C.H.U.D. box set you need. C.H.U.D. II: Bud the C.H.U.D. stars Brian Robbins, Bill Calvert, Tricia Leigh Fisher, Gerrit Graham and Robert Vaughn; directed by David Irving. And be sure to catch us on Halloween, 10/31, at the Jacob Burns Film Center's After Dark Halloween Marathon doing a live commentary to a cult classic we're very familiar with! Get tickets here and bring your friends! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the gang calls an audible in order to tackle the wretched video game adaptation, Double Dragon! Why in the world would you put Scott Wolf in this role? What is with that fat monster? And is Robert Patrick's villain a racist? PLUS: The mystery of which Bruce Steve was thinking of! Double Dragon stars Scott Wolf, Mark Dacascos, Robert Patrick, Alyssa Milano and Julia Nickson; directed by James Yukich. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang finally works up the courage to tackle the incredibly stupid Stephen King adaptation, Secret Window! Why did they think casting John Turturro as a menacing Mississippian was a good idea? What's with all the Dorita-chips and Mountain Dew? And did we really need to see that dead dog puppet? PLUS: This fall on TNT, from the minds of Lunch Room comes, Hutton & Dutton! Secret Window stars Johnny Depp, John Turturro, Maria Bello, Timothy Hutton and Charles S. Dutton; directed by David Koepp. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this episode, the gang celebrates the 20th anniversary of the legendary Timecop! Why did they need those rocket cars to time travel? Why is Ron Silver carrying out this ridiculous time robbery scheme? And how are they not recognizing their one-decade-older selves? PLUS: A twenty year mystery is solved. Timecop stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, Ron Silver, Mia Sara, Bruce McGill and Gloria Reuben; directed by Peter Hyams. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the season premiere of We Hate Movies, the gang heads back to school with Tom Berenger and Marc Anthony in The Substitute! Why does this movie spend so much time on the botched Cuba mission? Why did Berenger's resume need to be that padded? And what on Earth is up with that bathing suit? PLUS: I'mgonnakillherI'mgonnakillherI'mgonnakillher! The Substitute stars Tom Berenger, Ernie Hudson, Raymond Cruz, William Forsythe, Luis Guzmán and Diane Venora; directed by Robert Mandel. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. On the final WHM Summer Rerun of 2014, the guys look back at one of the all-time fan favorite episodes on Ewoks: The Battle for Endor! This show marks the first appearance of Wilford Brimley on WHM and is the second of three times the guys have ventured into the Star Wars universe. Brimley hates that rabbit. The rabbit hates Brimley. The guys don't entirely hate the movie. Ewoks: The Battle for Endor stars Wilford Brimley, Warwick Davis, Aubree Miller, Siân Phillips, Carel Struycken and Paul Gleason; directed by Jim & Ken Wheat. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this WHM Summer Rerun, the gang looks back at the time they got in the ring with Rocky IV! Everyone agrees that Paulie is Cinema's Greatest Loser. Rocky is out of control arrogant in this movie. And the stones on Stallone to have his titular pugilist essentially end the Cold War by giving a sappy end-of-match speech! Rocky IV stars Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Talia Shire, Carl Weathers, Burt Young, Tony Burton, Brigitte Nielsen; directed by Sylvester Stallone. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: 2/12/13 On this WHM Summer Rerun, the gang reminisces about one of their absolute favorite films from the WHM catalog, Tuff Turf! Steve wonders how James Spader's possible Back to the Future audition went. Andrew impersonates Jim Carroll delivering dialog on heroin. And Chris butchers up the "80s Teen Dramedy" cow. PLUS: Two words - Jack. Mack. Tuff Turf stars James Spader, Kim Richards, Paul Mones, Robert Downey Jr., Matt Clark, Jim Carroll and Jack Mack & the Heart Attack; directed by Fritz Kiersch. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: 9/4/12 On the first WHM Summer Rerun, the gang looks back at the batshit classic, Invisible Child! Andrew explains how he'd handle someone thinking they had an invisible child, Steve rags on the secret society of English nannies and Eric guesses why Victor Garber would make a whole pizza in the middle of the night. His theory? To curb horny behavior! Fan Favorite Line: "I mean, you're in a hot tub, baby, you're either getting physical therapy or you're fucking!" Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the WHM Summer Finale, the #SBE2014 comes to an end when the gang chats about the incredibly annoying and sadly family friendly Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze! Why didn't they put Bebop and Rocksteady in this movie? Is Splinter chasing the dragon through this whole thing? And what is with no one at the Vanilla Ice warehouse concert being terrified by a group of fighting monsters? PLUS: They're BABIES! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze stars Paige Turco, David Warner, Ernie Reyes Jr., François Chau and Kevin Nash; directed by Michael Pressman. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang rides the rails with Steven Seagal and Eric Bogosian in the train hijacking sequel, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory! Why do we need Seagal microwaving a cake? Did Bogosian have to do that Rod Serling impression? And is Seagal really getting foiled by a Newton and a clogged fax line? PLUS: We all better go talk to the Captain. Under Siege 2: Dark Territory stars Steven Seagal, Eric Bogosian, Everett McGill, Morris Chestnut, Peter Greene and Katherine Heigl; directed by Geoff Murphy. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In the July Mailbag, Andrew, Eric and Chris talk about naked old fellas, Charles Manson, bad celebrity impressions and more! Have something for the Mailbag? Get at us to be featured in the August episode! Write the WHM Mailbag today: [email protected]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the gang bundles up with the ultra boring disaster dud, The Day After Tomorrow! How 'bout those CGI wolves, huh? Why did they think hiding in a library would be exciting? And just how useless is Sela Ward in this movie? PLUS: This Fall, Louie Anderson returns to a lot of NBC. The Day After Tomorrow stars Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emmy Rossum, Sela Ward, Dash Mihok, Jay O. Sanders and Ian Holm; directed by Roland Emmerich. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the gang enters the back half of their Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza with Tim Burton's depressingly terrible Planet of the Apes! Why not hire anybody besides Mark Wahlberg? Why are we still sending chimps into space in 2029? And what kind of a trampoline budget were they working with here? PLUS: Twilight Zone's greatest "secret robot" scenarios. Planet of the Apes stars Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan, Paul Giamatti, Estella Warren, Kris Kristofferson and Charlton Heston; directed by Tim Burton. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the gang tackles a sweaty ass Burt Reynolds' movie with the pretty silly, Stroker Ace! Is Stroker an immortal god who has lived through Prohibition and the sweaty 1980s? Is Ned Beatty's character really just Otis from Superman on the run from Mr. Luthor? And how many prehistoric jokes can we fit into one movie? PLUS: Eric mildly enjoys Tom Jones, Andrew does not. Different opinions on We Hate Movies! Stroker Ace stars Burt Reynolds, Jim Nabors, Ned Beatty, Loni Anderson and Parker Stevenson; directed by Hal Needham. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this edition of Animation Damnation, the guys are ragging on an episode of the Star Trek cartoon entitled, "The Magicks of Megas-Tu"! While possibly being a huge commercial for their all-new, hilarious, Trekmentary: Nemesis track, the guys also spend some time pondering George Lucas on 'ludes, Kirk being okay with Satan and whether or not Bones was a Confederate racist. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

In this week's episode, the 4th annual Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza continues as the gang tackles the Gotham-less, action-less, interest-less Catwoman! Why is this movie not set in Gotham? Is Benjamin Bratt's character really named Tom Lone? And why on Earth does this version of Catwoman need magical cat powers? PLUS: The guys take a trip to Michael Massee's Garbage Island. Catwoman stars Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone, Lambert Wilson, Frances Conroy, Alex Borstein and Michael Massee; directed by Pitof. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies