We Hate Movies

On this spooktacular edition of On-Screen, the gang ranks the entire Friday the 13th franchise from best to worst! Going off of Chris Cabin's column on Collider, Andrew, Steve, and Eric go through their favorite entries and most hated sequels one by one! When trying to sum up some of these films, Steve puts it best with, "It's like, oh, would you rather eat dog shit or cow shit?" Find out which shit sequels we find most delicious! And be sure to check back with Collider.com for more Chris Cabin dispatches! Happy Halloween, gang! Stay safe out there! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this episode of Animation Damnation, the gang keeps things spooktacular as they rip into the terribly ill-conceived cartoon adaptation, Beetlejuice! The episode in question is entitled, "Laugh of the Party", which originally aired October 7th, 1989. Why is Beetlejuice flying everywhere? What's with setting up this preteen girl with a monster? And will this be the only time Jeffrey Jones is turned into a cartoon? PLUS: The guys weigh in on the probability of Beetlejuice 2 being terrible. Short answer? Just see Michael Keaton in Spotlight. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this episode, the 2015 Halloween Spooktacular wraps up as the gang takes a bite out of the lame Stephen King (or should we say Richard Bachman?) adaptation, Thinner! Why wasn't Stephen King's character cursed as well? We get the motivation for the Thinner curse, but what inspired Lizard? And why did we need that dream sequence? PLUS: The gang gets ripped at a New Jersey Medieval Times. Thinner stars Robert John Burke, Joe Mantegna, Kari Wuhrer, and Lucinda Jenney; directed by Tom Holland. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this edition of WHM Mail Bag, the gang makes contact with long lost co-host, Chris Cabin, to talk about strange New York City stories, pervs hanging around libraries, and different movie advertisements that freaked us out. PLUS: Eric vs. Al Roker in a Loser Leaves Town Match! If you'd like your strange stories told on the air, or have burning questions for the guys you need answered, write in to the Mail Bag: [email protected]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

This week on the 2015 WHM Spooktacular, it's Franchise Time as the gang heads to Crystal Lake by way of Springwood to challenge the long awaited 2003 monster team-up, Freddy vs. Jason! Why do they insist on reminding us about Freddy and Jason's backstories? How do they not capitalize on any previously existing supporting characters in either franchise? And how do you have the audacity to recast Kane Hodder? PLUS: That sure is a whole lot of homophobia and racism, screenplay! Freddy vs. Jason stars Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Monica Keena, Jason Ritter, Kelly Rowland, Katharine Isabelle and Lochlyn Munro; directed by Ronny Yu. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, our Halloween Spooktacular turn steps, hop turns and high kicks into week two with the totally sleazy Killer Workout! Are there secret deleted porn scenes from this film? How did Rhonda's Workout not get shut down by the police? And why was there never a Chuck Dawson prequel film franchise? PLUS: It's a sheets-up kind of aerobics studio! Killer Workout stars Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews, Teresa Van der Woude and Ted Prior; directed by David A. Prior. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, the 2015 Halloween Spooktacular kicks off in rare form as the WHM gang tackles Brainscan! Did they really think Trickster was going to be the next Freddy or Pinhead? Why do the rules of this game change every time Furlong plays? And had he lived, would Kyle have been Michael's best bud for life? PLUS: That fat guy was definitely not a foot tattoo guy! Brainscan stars Edward Furlong, Frank Langella, Amy Hargreaves, Jamie Marsh, and T. Ryder Smith; directed by John Flynn.  Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the second and final episode of September's all-request Animation Damnation, the guys head back to Joe Town with an episode of G.I. Joe that explores the exciting highs and tragic lows of Cobra's financial woes! The episode in question is "Cold Slither" which originally aired December 2nd, 1985. Why is Cobra Commander getting financial advice from those weird twins? Did the entire Cobra army think it was a good idea to hit the unemployment line at the same time? And we'll be damned if that terrible song isn't catchy! PLUS: Eric pulls a pod & ditch! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, Listener Request Month comes to a close as the gang makes a deal with the world's shortest Satan -- it's The Devil's Advocate! Why does the movie bother having a big reveal scene at the end when we know the entire time that Pacino is the Devil? What is up with Keanu's southern accent? And were all those "paint brush wipe" transitions really necessary? PLUS: Yes, in the late 90s we all thought this film had Oscar-caliber performances in it! The Devil's Advocate stars Keanu Reeves, Al Pacino, Charlize Theron, Connie Nielsen, Craig T. Nelson, Chris Bauer, Tamara Tunie, and a pre-The Troubles Jeffrey Jones; directed by Taylor Hackford. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

This month on the WHM Mail Bag, we chat about some of the worst jobs we've ever had, what some of our favorite moments from The Simpsons are, and one listener writes in to tell us about the most extreme way to avoid admitting you cried during a crappy movie!  If you want your questions answered or weird stories read on the air, write in to the Mail Bag: [email protected]! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On this week's episode, Listener Request Month rolls on as the gang takes a trip to foggy San Francisco for a ride along with Dirty Harry Callahan in the super silly, super murder-y The Dead Pool! What's with the useless C-grade mafia story line? Has there ever been another instance of a ponytail being used as a red herring? And were they really trying to tell us that Johnny Squares wrote "Welcome to the Jungle" and sang exactly like Axl Rose? PLUS: Dirty Harry fights zombies, joking robots and negligent salad bar attendants! The Dead Pool stars Clint Eastwood, Patricia Clarkson, Liam Neeson, Evan C. Kim, David Hunt and James Carrey; directed by Buddy Van Horn. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

As the new Listener Request Month rolls on, the gang heads to the Land of Made for Television to discuss the totally creepy, porn panic Lifetime Movie, Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life! What's with starting this film like it's Sunset Boulevard? How does Justin forget to close that door multiple times? And what's with that porno party? PLUS: Someone saying, "Green Day rules," in 2005? Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life stars Jeremy Sumpter, Kelly Lynch, Lyndsy Fonseca, John Robinson and Nicole Dicker; directed by Tom McLoughlin. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the season premiere of Animation Damnation, the gang takes a look at an off-the-wall episode of Speed Racer where a grown man rides around on horseback whipping cars in his town. The episode in question is "The Car Hater" which originally aired December 15th, 1967. Why are these hillbillies immediately ready to murder Speed and Trixie? What good does this horse-riding lunatic think he's doing? And where are the triple life sentences for all of these criminals by the end of this rampage? PLUS: The guys all realize that this is pretty great cartoon. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

On the season six premiere of We Hate Movies, the gang kicks off an all-new Listener Request Month with a title that is, in the loosest sense of the word, a movie - Mortal Kombat: Annihilation! What is with the instant Johnny Cage murder? How did the producer's let Christopher Lambert get away? And why, oh why, did we need these robots running around? PLUS: Your mom's new boyfriend would be real creepy if he was played by James Remar. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation stars Robin Shou, Talisa Soto, James Remar, Sandra Hess, Brian Thompson and Litefoot; directed by John R. Leonetti. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: February 7th, 2012 What the gang thought of the film: "I convinced myself I liked this movie for five years." - Steve Sajdak "We just watched it…I can’t tell you what this movie’s about!" - Andrew Jupin "He’s nothing but goddamn sight gags. He’s always just falling over himself. How is that a leader?" - Eric Szyszka on Jar Jar Binks' unearned promotion at the end of the film. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace stars Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd, Ian McDiarmid, Terence Stamp, Ray Park and Samuel L. Jackson; directed by George Lucas. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: December 11th, 2012 What the gang thought of the film: "If you're Jewish, run from this film... Run screaming!" - Chris Cabin "Why just play one role in a movie, Adam Sandler, when you can play several roles in a movie?" - Andrew Jupin "It's just a bunch of shit jokes." - Steve Sajdak Eight Crazy Nights stars Adam Sandler, Kevin Nealon, Jon Lovitz, Austin Stout, Jackie Sandler and Sweet Robbie Schneider; directed by Seth Kearsley. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: November 8th, 2011 What the gang thought of the film: "He’s just a big turd in this movie" - Steve Sajdak, on Rob Schneider's presence in the film. "It’s the biggest codpiece I’ve ever seen!" - Andrew Jupin, on, well, Stallone's codpiece. "It’s on them when I empty my bowels as I’m hung. Load me up with Taco Bell? I win!" - Eric Szyszka, on being executed in the Demolition Man future. Judge Dredd stars Sylvester Stallone, Rob Schneider, Diane Lane, Armand Assante, Jürgen Prochnow, Joan Chen, and Max von Sydow; directed by Danny Cannon. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: December 4th, 2012 What the gang thought of the film: "If anyone can handle a Fuck You, it's George Lucas." - Andrew Jupin "They should've just... Not done it." Eric Szyszka "It's definitely The Gobbler who's to blame for this, I feel." - Chris Cabin "What happened? Did life get in the way?" - Steve Sajdak on why they didn't crank out five Indy films in the 80s as originally planned. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull stars Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, Shia LaBeouf, Ray Winstone, John Hurt and Jim Broadbent; directed by Steven Spielberg. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: May 14th, 2014  What the gang thought of this cartoon episode: "You wanna give Ed Harris a heart attack, this is how you do it." - Chris Cabin "There's no fat G.I. Joes, huh?" - Steve Sajdak "Uh, it takes place in America!" - Andrew Jupin Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies

Original Air Date: May 22nd, 2012 What the gang thought of the film: "This movie is about an ice cream fight!" - Steve Sajdak "That means this pain in the ass kid is officially homeless, which means it's either the orphanage or the fucking gas chamber!" - Andrew Jupin "I'm sure, at the very least, that pirate hasn't been paying taxes!" - Eric Szyszka The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking stars Tami Erin, David Seaman, Cory Crow, Eileen Brennan, Dennis Dugan, George DiCenzo, and Dick Van Patten; directed by Ken Annakin. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies