Dad Starting Over Podcast

DSO tackles a sensitive and commonly encountered issue in many marriages: the dynamics of sexual desire and satisfaction. Delve into Daniel's story, a listener who, despite having worked on improving his relationship and experiencing an uptick in bedroom activity, is grappling with the feeling that his wife's participation may not stem from genuine desire.DSO, with his blend of straightforward advice and empathetic insight, dissects the complexity behind the listener's concerns, pointing out the multifaceted nature of sexual desire and the psychological impetus driving our expectations. He addresses the delicate balance between increased frequency and the authenticity of sexual encounters within a marriage. Through real-life examples and an understanding of human sexual behaviour, DSO provides a nuanced overview of why, even with positive changes, some men, like Daniel, yearn for a more spontaneous and voracious sexual connection.Key Takeaways:Sexual desire within a marriage can be complicated, affected by ch

I had the pleasure of sitting down for a nice chat with Carla Crivaro from the UK. From her website at carlacrivaro.com:"I started out as a sexually repressed, stay at home mother and wife with chronic anxiety, low self-worth and deep-rooted insecurities in all relationships from working to familial to romantic. I went on to experience a 'sexual awakening' which took me on a path of self-discovery. I consensually dabbled in play parties and dating while still married to my then husband and we have since transitioned into a co-parenting partnership.​I have learnt to ask for what I want in relationships, state my boundaries and maintain them and I continue to learn and grow. I'm now in a monogamous 'living together apart' relationship with my partner in what is considered a 'Power Couple' relationship."Carla and I chatted about one of her favorite subjects to tackle: The Forgotten Father.

DSO addresses a message from a listener who is experiencing a disparity in libido with his postmenopausal wife. The listener explains that his wife's libido has significantly decreased since entering menopause, while his own libido remains high. DSO discusses the complexities of menopause and its impact on women's libido and explores the listener's concerns about his wife's past sexual experiences and her lack of desire for sex. Additionally, DSO offers empathy and understanding to the listener, acknowledging the challenges of being in a relationship with mismatched libidos and suggests exploring therapy and potential hormone replacement therapy as possible solutions.Some key takeaways from the episode are:Menopause can significantly decrease a woman's libido, which can create a disparity in desire between partners.The listener's wife's past sexual experiences should not be a factor in their current sexual relationship.Alcohol can sometimes help reduce anxiety and increase desire in postmenopausal women.Open

In this episode, DSO responds to a letter from Nate, who is feeling drained and frustrated in his marriage. After a long military career, Nate has come to realize that his wife is lazy, unambitious, and constantly negative. He has recently started focusing on self-love and personal growth, but his wife's behavior is wearing him down mentally. DSO offers two options for Nate: either his wife needs to join him in his positive mindset and make an effort to improve the relationship, or Nate may need to consider moving on to a new chapter in his life without her.Key Takeaways:Military deployments can cause couples to grow apart, especially if one partner struggles to cope with the challenges of being left behind.Hyperachieving individuals often thrive as entrepreneurs and may struggle in traditional employment settings.Discarding negative influences from your life can lead to significant improvements in mental and physical health, as well as personal and professional success.Quotes:"You're Mr. Winner, and you're l

DSO discusses the statistic that married people have more sex than single people, and whether this means that single individuals should get married to improve their sex lives. He examines the reality of sex in marriages by looking at survey data, which shows that a significant percentage of married couples are in dead bedroom relationships. DSO also explores the societal benefits of marriage and how it can serve as a solution for men who are not having any sexual encounters or causing chaos in society. However, he emphasizes that marriage is not for everyone and that the idea of a hypersexual and fulfilling sex life in marriage is not applicable to the majority of couples.Key Takeaways:Statistically, married people have more sex than single people, but this does not mean that single individuals should rush into marriage for the sake of their sex lives.A significant percentage of married couples are in dead bedroom relationships, where they have infrequent or unsatisfying sex.Marriage serves a societal purpose

In this episode, DSO responds to a question from a listener named John Rambo, who is feeling anxious about his wife attending a bachelorette party in Vegas. John has been with his wife for almost 13 years and they have three children together. He describes his wife as beautiful and trustworthy, but he still has concerns about the party and worries about potential infidelity. DSO explores two possible explanations for John's anxiety: insecurity and a gut feeling that something is not right. He encourages John to examine his own behavior and communication patterns in the relationship, as well as his level of trust and security. DSO also suggests that John and his wife set clear boundaries and communicate openly about their concerns and expectations.Key Takeaways:Insecurity and anxious behavior can create tension in a relationship and lead to feelings of mistrust.Open communication and setting clear boundaries can help alleviate anxiety and build trust in a relationship.Trusting your partner and having a sense o

Karen and Catherine offer a service that they call "My Divorce Solution". It's an excellent method for gathering all pertinent information and uncovering all the facts you may need when going through a divorce. From their website at mydivorcesolution.com:"We specialize in supporting divorcing couples in effectively managing the division of their marital estate. We strive to demystify the complexities involved, ensuring our clients have a crystal-clear understanding of their financial situation. By providing comprehensive insights into the long-term impact of their choices, we empower individuals to make well-informed decisions that will shape their future and that of their family. Our goal is to help each client achieve the most favorable outcome, ensuring their financial security and peace of mind during this challenging time."

DSO addresses a common issue faced by many men in long-term relationships: feeling neglected and pushed to the back burner after having children. He explains that this shift in attention and priorities is a natural result of motherhood and the demands of raising children. However, he acknowledges the valid need for intimacy and connection in a relationship and offers advice on how to address this issue.DSO emphasizes the importance of understanding the biological and societal factors at play, such as hormonal changes and cultural expectations. He suggests that creating a supportive social circle and seeking outside influences that prioritize maintaining intimacy can be beneficial. DSO also highlights the need for open communication and a willingness to address the issue as a couple.He cautions against relying solely on time to resolve the issue, as the demands of parenting and life can continue to impact the relationship. Instead, he encourages taking proactive steps to bridge the gap and reconnect as a coupl

DSO responds to a question from a man named Nick who is frustrated with his wife's lack of contribution to household chores and responsibilities. Nick works long hours and comes home to clean, cook, and take care of their four children while his wife spends her time on the couch or surfing the web. DSO explains that this situation is not uncommon and suggests that Nick has inadvertently trained his wife to behave this way by not setting boundaries or demanding equal participation. He advises Nick to put his foot down and insist on change, as well as consider the possibility that his wife may be suffering from depression. DSO emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help and being patient throughout the process of addressing these issues.Key Takeaways:Lack of boundaries and inaction can lead to one partner taking on all household responsibilities.Depression may be a factor in a partner's lack of motivation and contribution.Seeking professional help and setting clear expectations are crucial for resolv

Lloyd is obviously not too happy with his love life to his wife of twenty years. He labels her as "avoidant", and their scheduled once-per-week intimacy sessions aren't panning out. What can he do?

A follower, JD, reaches out and shares a story that is, unfortunately, pretty common. His wife seems to have flipped out after enduring a pretty normal but negative life situation. Her father passed away. What does she do? She copes by getting attention and having sexual relations with people outside of the marriage. Not good! What JD does is a common thing: He frames the situation as, "Everything was fine up until the big life moment happened". With some honest reflection, he'll probably look back on their life together and uncover ALL KINDS of red flag moments throughout their history together. That's why JD needs to do the extra hard work of determining why he was initially attracted to and stayed attached to such a person. If he doesn't figure that out... he's going to do it again with the next one!

A follower shares the story of being stuck in a long-term dead bedroom relationship. He has worked on himself and tried like hell to repair the relationship, but the wife doesn't seem to care. And now, with this high status as a business owner/boss and with his newfound physical fitness, he has caught the eye of a younger woman. He's obviously already head over heels for the woman, but doesn't want to destroy his marriage. Or does he? Like most men in this situation, he is very conflicted.

A follower reaches out and tells the story of his wife who wants nothing more to do with him. It's time that he listens and stops hanging on...You can ask DSO a question by filling out the form here: https://dadstartingover.com/dear-dso

A follower asks if I have ever heard about an affair saving a marriage. "John" says that he has been in a dead bedroom relationship for a while, tried all kinds to rekindle his marriage, but it wasn't until he actually stepped outside of his marriage that things seem to improve. Interesting! Let's talk about it. You can submit your own question to Ralph/DSO here: https://dadstartingover.com/dear-dso

Something a little different for the Dad Starting Over world! I had the pleasure of chatting with one of my favorite business people, Daniel Priestley. Daniel is an entrepreneur, best-selling author and international speaker. Starting with nothing, he built successful multi-million dollar businesses in Australia, UK and Singapore.Daniel and I chat about entrepreneurship and all the opportunities that are available to men out there who are looking to start up their own business.Learn more about Daniel: https://danielpriestley.com/

It seems that everyone and their cousin has sent me the link to this video! This is a clip from a UK television show where a therapist sits down with a VERY typical dead bedroom couple. He wants more. She is too overwhelmed and busy with the new baby. As always, they both have a point. The man is completely clueless about how his old game plan for getting physical intimacy is done (just show up), and the wife doesn't realize that actual work is needed to stay connected as a couple. It's ok to prioritize your relationship.

As they often say, stereotypes don't just fall from the sky. The whole notion of "my wife changed as soon as we got married" is not the NORM, but it's certainly not unheard of.For most of the men that I talk to, their stories of "my wife completely changed" usually involves marriage, cohabitation, years together, kids, stress, jobs... you know, all the normal life stuff that can really CHANGE a person. BUT, for some guys and gals, their partner absolutely changed on the day of the wedding. As soon as things got "real", the person they know and loved just shut down completely. That's when they realized,  "Oh, this person was not marriage material." This person thrives in uncertainty and chaos. These are the women that jump from bad boy to bad boy. These are the guys that run to prostitutes and alcohol. Their childhood baggage is such that seeing "normal" scares the crap out of them.

With the loosening of social mores and a broader acceptance of casual physical intimacy, especially in younger adults, it's not a surprise that these relatively new worlds and opinions may collide with more "traditional" monogamous people. When those with "high body counts" try to enter into the world of strict monogamy, they are sometimes outright rejected because of their past behavior... and this hurts feelings! Is a high body count indicative of mental issues? Compulsive/impulsive tendencies? Does it have zero effect on their ability to maintain a marriage to one person for life?