New Life Live With Steve Arterburn

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill shares about Jacob, who wrestled with God but ultimately surrendered. My daughter is in her 4os and is living with us. How do I deal with her hoarding? Do I tell my pastor I’m going to leave my church that I’ve gone to for 20 years? I feel judged by the pastor after I shared with him about getting a divorce. I’m 90, have lost a lot of people, and am going to see a counselor who does EMDR. What can I get from EMDR? How do I tell a family member who sexually abused me as a child that I’m not interested in helping him recover? How can I be Dad to an 11-year-old stepson when his mother says he doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Do I need to punish my 13-year-old son? He has been sexting a girl from school, and I’ve already taken away his phone. I’ve been married for over 41years and have a blended family, but my adult stepdaughter struggles to get along with me, even to the point of getting in my face and shouting. I’ve asked my 84-year-old mom, my only remaining family member, not to discuss certain things that are mentally difficult for me to handle, but she keeps doing it. Should I cut her off completely? I’m a counselor and just found out I might have PTSD. I think I might have anger issues but don’t show it. How can I be productive and help people if I need help myself? I’m one child in a blended family of 30; why did some of my brothers and sisters not want to know about each other?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Worry and anxiety can easily take over your life—but learning to identify your concerns is the first step toward healing. Becky reminds us that “life be life-ing, but God be God-ing!” My husband of nearly 50 years was involved with another woman and kissed her. He finally did a full disclosure. What do I need to focus on most? After struggling with sexual addiction years ago, my wife recently filed for divorce. She did this after getting upset that I didn’t tell her I was involved with another woman before we even met. After limiting your time with a jealous family member, what else can you do? What can you do if you’re the jealous one, or if someone is jealous of you?

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ shares a powerful story from the world of sports that reminds us that God is not only omnipotent but also a loving Father who deeply cares for us. Because of His love, we can bring our shortcomings to Him and trust that He listens. I’ve been in an avoidant relationship for 10 years. We’re both retired. But when I set a boundary with him, he broke up with me. What should I do? How do I manage my clutter? My mom struggled with clutter too. I’m not a hoarder, but as an adult I’m realizing these habits have followed me. How can I disconnect from my adult children’s drama? They ask me to hold them accountable, but they don’t listen—and I’m exhausted. I’ve been baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and also in the name of Jesus only; what’s the difference?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice shares two biblical promises that can carry you through pain: learning to be content and trusting that God works all things for the good. I’m 66 and feel like my heart has turned to stone. Why can’t I feel God anymore? My 45-year-old son and his wife cut me off after sending a letter saying they no longer celebrate Christmas. I haven’t seen them in 20 years—how do I cope with this kind of family estrangement? I was sexually abused by my father as a child. He told me he’d kill me if I ever told anyone, and even though he’s now dead, I’m still afraid. How can I heal from this fear and trauma?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jacqui discusses how reading helps your mental health. For example, literature can give us words for what we are feeling but don’t know how to express. Start by reading the Psalms, which provide language for our emotions and emotional health. Rather than telling men who look at sexually explicit materials that it is wrong, have you ever thought about telling them that it undermines safety in their marriage covenant? Can you give me guidance on a friendship with an unreliable woman? Last Friday, I was going to take her out for lunch on her birthday, but she was very late and didn’t take responsibility for it. Is EMDR giving over control to the therapist like hypnotherapy? My dad passed away when he was on a hunting trip, and I did EMDR therapy through a secular therapist.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc discusses statements that seem to show resilience but actually minimize the impact of trauma and past experiences. He explains two types of memories: implicit and explicit. Experiencing adverse childhood events isn’t about the severity of what happened—it’s about how we make sense of what we went through. I’ve been unemployed for two years and have depleted my savings. My husband has savings, but he won’t cover household expenses like food. I’ve told him I want to file for a legal separation. My husband did remodeling work for a widow in my Bible study, but she isn’t willing to pay him. I talked to our Bible study leader about it—what can I learn from this situation? The Bible says we have a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7), so why do so many Christians struggle with depression? I wasn’t in church for a year due to IBS, and it’s hard to get back into the groove.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jim shares practical ways he and his wife grow closer spiritually—through praying, reading the Bible, and meaningful conversations. You can connect with your spouse spiritually, even if it’s just 5 minutes a day. How do I respond when my husband has separated emotionally from me but still plays the role of a loving husband and dad? He has anger outbursts, and we have three children. I moved to a rural community in Kentucky, and people often get excluded from churches or groups due to politics and personal conflicts. How can I handle these local power struggles gracefully? How can I help my 20-year-old granddaughter who says she is ‘married’ to both a woman and a man? She has a history of childhood sexual abuse, and her mother died from a drug overdose.

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ discusses how we often waste energy focusing on past regrets, anxiety about the future, or trying to control everything around us—strategies that don’t work. He invites us to stop wasting energy on what we can’t fix and instead focus on what truly helps. Our 23-year-old son is bisexual and introduced us to his boyfriend last night. How do I navigate this? My daughter was sexually assaulted and had an abortion as a teen; how do I deal with my guilt that still affects our communication today? How can I support my 25-year-old son and his struggle with sexual integrity? He’s already been to Every Man’s Battle, but I recently saw something on his phone.

Caller Questions & Discussion: According to blended family expert Ron Deal, despite good intentions, most couples who bring children from previous relationships into marriage are not prepared to deal with them. The smarter you are, the better your family will be. I discovered my husband has been making a lot of phone calls to a female classmate from high school. To what extent should I insist on full disclosure? I’m a single mom to two teens and have been divorced for 2 years; how do I help them adjust to me dating again? I’m remarried, my husband’s adult son is in a wheelchair, and my husband and I don’t get to spend much time together. What is my role? What should I do?

Caller Questions & Discussion: I’ve been married for 53 years and we are both from alcoholic families. There’s no spiritual and emotional intimacy, and it has been hard for me to let him be physically intimate. My husband admitted to me that he’s taken a woman out twice and thinks that polygamy is in the Bible and he can have multiple wives. What can I do? Dr. John Townsend discusses the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling that he helps to lead at Concordia University. My adult son and I share a car; how do I approach him about paying for his fender bender damage? How did I get a phobia of getting sick, which is called hypochondriasis? How do I get over it? My 80-year-old husband fell and broke his hip; how do I place him into a board and care? My daughter and her husband are worried about their inheritance because I’m paying for it. My daughter is divorced because she found the person she wants to be with. She’s now living with him away from her five children in another state and says it

Caller Questions & Discussion: Our good friend Dr. John Townsend talks about his band with his sons, and the Institute he founded, Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling, at Concordia University. How do I continue to flourish in my job with a bipolar coworker who is aligned with our boss? It’s not a safe environment. I’m retired and do all the things around the house for my wife, but I love spending time alone. Am I on the autism spectrum if I don’t need people outside of my relationship with Christ? I’m a 65-year-old divorce attorney. How do I refresh myself if my work is going great but my daughter is going through a contentious divorce and my grandson wrote a suicide note? I’ve been in foster care, institutionalized, and in jail. I just found out that the pastor I’ve been following will be leaving my church, and I’m hurt. I’m recently retired and doing everything right, but I’m sad, lonely, and depressed since I started a confusing romantic relationship a year ago.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Sheri shares insights from her chapter in the book The Healing Church, where she explores the impact of sex addiction on the betrayed partner. Can Jesus lie? I feel like Jesus is speaking to me about things like not wearing earrings. I’m in recovery and have been a substance abuse counselor for a decade, but I still feel shame. How can I find balance when I feel like I’m an imposter? Did I do the right thing by protecting my mother from a will that was ill-conceived? My father was very sick when he gave his sister and me everything in his will, but it says he wasn’t married when he was. Last Wednesday, we had a blow-up with our 15-year-old foster daughter. Then she made false accusations against us. What do I do?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Chris shares how he has been working on his identity in Christ and journaling about how strong roots produce spiritual fruits. Even though it’s easy to get caught up in the outcome, Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3:18-19 reminds us to focus on deepening our roots in Christ. Are there any Christian spiritual resources my friend can use after her home was in a house fire? She’s going to have to live in a hotel for months. I was in a car accident 20 years ago when I was drinking, and the friend who was with me died. I’m struggling with survivor’s guilt, why God kept me alive, and whether I should stay in the relationship with the woman I’m dating. My husband was unfaithful for the first 25 years of our marriage. I recently confronted him about going to a birthday party for a family member connected to one of the women he had an affair with, and I feel triggered and violated again. I get anxious when I’m around my adult kids, and I had similar feelings around my mother.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Alice shares an experience with her son over the weekend that reminded her that boundaries don’t change the perpetrator, but they empower the person setting them. The way to establish healthy boundaries is to identify what you will not tolerate. My best friend’s son remarried, and his new wife has influenced him to leave Christianity and become a Jehovah’s Witness. What can I do to help her? I struggle with anxiety and feelings of not being good enough, especially when I start a new job, because my father’s critical voice is still in my head. How do I move beyond this? My wife of over 40 years has given me notice of legal separation and refuses to talk to me because I become angry at her, which reminds her of her father. How can I reverse this?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Dr. Jill discusses character development using habit stacking: identifying a habit you already do and adding another habit to it. I’m 32 and feel very insecure because I’m single, have no kids, and everyone around me is married with children. How do I stop being addicted to creativity? I have bipolar I, have been to the psych ward four times, and feel withdrawal when I don’t do art. How do I set boundaries with my husband of 10 years? He uses alcohol, watches porn, and won’t talk through conflicts with me. I’ve been divorced for 5 years and have been dating a woman exclusively for 2 months, but her actions don’t match her words. What should I do?

Caller Questions & Discussion: JJ shares how to break free from old habits, behaviors, and identity patterns that keep you stuck. It has been hard for me to find housing because of incorrect items reported on my credit report. I’ve gone through my savings and am now living in a shelter. If God can do all things, what will it take for me to move forward? If someone is viewing and downloading child pornography online, how could that person receive counseling? Would telling a therapist automatically be reported to authorities and likely result in arrest? Brian asks the hosts if Philippians 2:12 says to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, what is needed to work out a marriage?

Caller Questions & Discussion: Special guest and clinical psychologist Dr. John Townsend discusses the Townsend Institute at Concordia University Irvine. My ex-husband was emotionally abusive. Now my son is getting a master’s in counseling and tells me I need healing and I need to comfort him. How can I respond in love? How do I cope with vulnerability, loneliness, and feeling inferior after being bullied as a child and now being single? I recently fell victim to a scammer on a dating site. I’ve been married for more than 40 years, and my husband micromanages me. When he triggers me, how should I respond? Our 15-year-old grandson is transitioning to a girl. We were told not to discuss it and to use female pronouns. After I shared my concerns with my stepdaughter, the whole family cut me off.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Chris explains that our tendency to block, defend, and deny the truth about our brokenness keeps us from fully experiencing God’s goodness. What, if anything, should I do to intervene in my 81-year-old mother’s shopping addiction? She likely has borderline personality disorder and has spent tens of thousands of dollars. I’m 37 and live in India. I’ve struggled with years of sleeplessness and significant trauma. What should I do next? My friend is a Christian with a newborn and is living with her boyfriend. She recently discovered he has a sex addiction—what is the best way to advise her? I wanted to share what helps me fall back asleep: a therapist once told me to say the Lord’s Prayer ten times. Start at a normal pace, then gradually slow down.

Caller Questions & Discussion: Marc discusses the three essential steps a partner who has betrayed trust must take to begin restoring it in a marriage or relationship. I went to Every Man’s Battle and Intimacy in Marriage, but I have a big problem with lying, and my wife can’t believe a word that I say. Our 51-year-old son lives with us, and he drinks twice a week to the point that he blacks out. I can’t seem to handle the demons that come out when he drinks; how do I respond? After I discovered that my husband has inappropriate pictures of women on his phone, he said I invaded his privacy, and he doesn’t seem remorseful; are there any books you’d recommend?