The Overwhelmed Brain | Stress | Anxiety | Relationship | Critical Thinking | Emotional Intelligence | Emotional Abuse

Comparing yourself to other people is the fastest way to low self-worth and self-esteem. And why do we always compare ourselves to people that are better looking, wealthier, healthier and have more success in areas of life that we are still working on? It seems like a black hole of misery that will never end.   In segment one, I talk about one of my good friends who is self-employed and wondering why she isn't succeeding after a few months of what I see has been a very successful time for her. She is comparing her success to those that have been in the business for a long time and it is making her feel down. This segment is for you if you are feeling inferior or less-than someone you know and you're not sure how to get out of that rut.   In segment two, I address the concerns of a woman who's boyfriend has a controlling mother that doesn't like her. On top of that, her boyfriend will never let anyone get in between his mother and him. There may be some unhealthy attachment going on here. If his girlfriend c

How do you handle negative feedback? There's a golden opportunity to sink or swim when someone puts you down. Their comments don't have to equal pain and a hit on your self-worth or self-esteem. In fact, maybe it's possible that the one person you remember putting you down is the very impetus you needed to improve something about yourself. It's not fun getting criticized, but it's not always a bad thing either.   In segment two, I talk about worrying and overwhelm about everything. Just how much do you worry? Do you feel like you can never get ahead because all the plates are spinning and you really can't find a way to stop them? You might even be getting more plates added to your act. It can be stressful and even downright terrifying… it's time to get out of the overwhelm.   In segment three, I talk about the important subject of enabling. Enabling is helping a toxic person stay toxic by behaving in a way that removes their accountability. If they never feel accountable, they continue to stay toxic to them

When someone expresses themselves to you, do you cringe at the thought of you doing the same? Does the idea of sharing what they're sharing make you feel uncomfortable? Does it stop you from living life the way you want with authenticity and confidence?   If you feel uncomfortable or shy when someone shares something vulnerable with you, that may be a sign that something could use some healing in you, if you want to explore it. It's a great way to tell just what you need to work on in yourself. Full expression can make you feel lighter and stronger at the same time, but it isn't always easy to show up that authentically. In the second segment, I read a letter from someone I call Larry. He said he can't get his girlfriend's two-night stand out of his head. It's a relationship that began and end way before they met but he still has an issue with it. There are some factors involved in thinking about your ex's past and getting jealous or angry or feeling other negative emotions. Those factors are images and thou

How do you go about rekindling with toxic and / or dysfunctional family members? Is it worth "going home" and starting up those old, dysfunctional, family get-togethers again? Is it possible to avoid the toxicity of family past? There is a way to return to a toxic environment but it's going to take some courage to be the person you want to be with the people that have always treated you the way you don't want to be treated. I talk about that in segment one.   In segment two, I read a message from someone who shares what it's like honoring yourself. Joshua shares that he's been taking steps to stand up for himself and express his truths to people that he never has before. He is showing up as that authentic person he's always wanted to be and things are happening for him in a way that never have before.   I also share what happens when you choose not to express yourself and instead repress what's going on in you instead. I'll give you a hint… it's depression.   In segment three I talk about what your respons

How can you possibly forget an ex that "wasted" years of your life? How can you possibly forgive them either?   In this first segment, I read a letter from someone who married a big problem, and now she is upset at him for "stealing" so many years of her life. She wants to forgive and move on but can't seem to do it. I offer a suggestion that she may not have considered on forgiveness.   In segment two, what can you do if you want your ex back but they keep you at arm's length. They want to be with you, but they don't want to BE with you. It's a place of no closure and it can be full of anxiety and lots and lots of waiting with no possible end. Don't waste your life waiting - listen to this segment!   During the close of the show, the subject of inner peace comes up. What's it like? Is it in you? Many people think it isn't. There's a stream of negative thoughts and emotions that can flow through you and it can seem like there's no peace, joy or happiness whatsoever. You can feel like life is not going to

Your sense of self and identity can dissolve or even be rewritten over years of trau Your sense of self and identity can dissolve or even be rewritten over years of trauma, abuse, and / or dysfunction. Dis-integration can happen after a lifetime of challenges that you haven't healed from, causing you to feel scattered and feel like you have no purpose.   When you don't have a strong emotional foundation, the hard times are harder and you feel beat up and burnt out almost all the time. It's important to establish who you are. You do this by honoring yourself, honoring your boundaries and showing up as authentically you.   But how do you do that? That's what segment one is about. It's time to create, or recreate who you are.   In segment two, I read a letter from "Mary" who is feeling guilt for leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She knows leaving is the right step, but she wants to know how she can overcome the guilt that comes with it. An emotional abuser exploits your kindness, compassion and gener

What happens when you reach that age where you thought you would have accomplished certain things in life but are nowhere close to what you set out to do 10, 20, 30 or more years ago? Do you get depressed? Do you have a mid-life crisis? Or… maybe you see that there's a bigger plan in the works for your life.   If that's too spiritual a view for you, perhaps it's time to comes to terms with your fears and accept realities you don't want to accept. It sounds dismal and defeating thinking this way, but what if it's the path to the life you've always wanted? What if acceptance of what is awful is what gets you out of the rut? Lots to talk about in this first segment.   In segment two, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to walk the fine line between spouse and consoler. If you find yourself being a caretaker and therapist, along with loving partner, you may not know where to draw the line and at what point taking care of others is actually take care away from you.   There's a fine line and I at

When does sex really start? When you're taking off your clothes? The heated kissing or "petting" or… is there a lot more to it? If you are emotionally connected, you already know when sex starts - way before you ever step into the bedroom.   If you are somewhat detached from your emotions however, sex is probably, mainly a physical thing for you. Regardless of where you are on the spectrum of sexual intelligence, this segment is all about how to build it right so that it is as enjoyable as it can be. The buildup, the trust, the vulnerability, the attentiveness, the receptiveness, and a whole lot more can make or break sex.   If you want a healthy sex life, make everything else but sex as healthy and happy as possible. Where's your focus during sex? Segment one is dedicated to sex (it's clean, but still an adult subject matter, be advised!).   In segment two, a woman writes to me and asks how to achieve closure and feel better after her boyfriend dumped her. He promised he would treat her right and stay wit

Do you make decisions based on what's in alignment with the highest intention for yourself, or do you make them based on fear. One path almost always leads to turmoil, and the other leads to getting what you want out of life almost every time.   In segment two, what do you do when you start to have feelings for a good friend? And what if they don't have feelings back? Can you keep this kind of friendship or are you doomed for disappointment? I read a letter from someone going through this right now. It can be a huge challenge to have an authentic friendship when there's an underlying desire.   During the closing of the show, I share a little behind the scenes of how I succeed at The Overwhelmed Brain and still give away everything I know for free.   Today's episode is brought to you by . Access to quality attorneys anytime you need them for a monthly fee, not an hourly one!

What resentments or regrets are you holding on to? Sometimes years can go by while you keep a firm grasp of what causes you stress simply because you can't let go of the idea that you could have made different choices in life. Or, could you have made different choices or taken a different direction in your life? If so, why not?   In segment two, I talk about a healthy way to communicate with others - one that fosters positive relationships and productive communication. There's a big picture to keep in mind if you want to get along with almost everyone and it has to do with letting something important go: Your attachment to being right!   In segment three, I read a message from someone who is as low as it seems one can go. Depression, anxiety, stress, and years of family dysfunction. And the only thing she has to hold on to is a relationship that is perfect but she believes is doomed to fail if she can't figure herself out and get well. She's so focused on what she has to lose that she might actually create

Is it time to call it quits in your relationship? When do you know? Are there signs that you can look at and say, "Hey, that's happening to us! Maybe we should split up." Yes but it doesn't mean you have to split up. In fact, listen together if you think you may be experiencing relationship hiccups so that you can discuss what can be done instead of just giving in and giving up. In segment two I read a letter from a woman who just wants a normal sibling relationship with her brother, not a mother / son relationship which it's been up to this point. She feels a little taken advantage of and it's affecting her love and support for him. Soon she's going to be so burnt out that she may end up getting out of their relationship altogether. There is a way to wean family off of their dependencies on you. During the close of the show I talk about how you can define meaning and purpose in your life. Just what is the point of being here when you feel like there is no point being here? That's an important question to get

That person just keeps popping into your head - someone you don't like. They are a mind-nuisance and they just won't go away. It's bad enough you see them or hear about them, but why do you have to constantly think about them?   In segment one of today's show I read a letter from a woman who can't get her husband's ex-wife out of her mind. How do you get rid of a pervasive thought? How can you finally rid yourself of that one thing you just can't seem to eradicate from your mind's eye? I have a few suggestions.   In segment two, I read another email from someone I call, "Mary". She feels condemned by her husband's mom. His mom puts her down and emotionally abuses her. No matter what Mary does, his mom won't stop.   There's a solution to this and it probably involves some hard decisions and firm stands. His mom is probably not going to change so it's up to someone else to make the change happen. After all, your marriage is your foundation and if someone is attempting to shake or destroy that foundation, it

Guilt and shame are two battles in two different dimensions: Internal and external. Internally, you can feel guilt for something you've said or done. Externally, you can feel the shame by witnessing others judging and blaming you for what you've done. A listener asks me what the difference between the two are and I do my best to provide an answer that focuses on what you can do about both and not just one that highlights their relationship. After all, what's the point of talking about guilt and shame unless you know a way out? I also get into the ideas of self-worth and self-esteem and how they can play a role, along with complimentary dysfunctional relationships. This is packed segment that takes you for a visit to your ethical and moral compass. Are you ready to face those deep areas of your psyche? In segment two, someone asks me how to get over fear of rejection and abandonment. If you bring fear into your relationship, it can manifest into what you fear. In other words, insecurity can often manifest into

Suicidal thoughts aren't usually discussed out loud. They fester inside and sometimes the people around you have no clue what's going on until it's too late. However, I don't believe suicidal thoughts in themselves are necessarily unhealthy. In fact, they can be good way to let the brain consider all outcomes. But why stop at suicidal thoughts? Why not also think about what would happen if you did other things like give someone a hundred dollar bill? Or told someone how well they dressed? What if you chose to just add some other thoughts you don't normally have? What would happen if you chose to let go of your resistance to any bad thoughts? What you resist persists and amplifies, so it's not a matter of closing off suicidal thoughts. It's a matter of expressing them and talking them out with others. Some thoughts can feel obsessive and always present, so why not add other types of obsessive thoughts into the mix as well? What would happen if you chose to face what you didn't want to face? Sometimes we fear m

What if you're in a relationship where you need an emotional connection from someone else but they don't seem to be in the same space as you. Sometimes the one you love will come home after a long day and you just want to shower them with love, but they don't seem to want to shower you back. Is there something wrong with them? Is there something dysfunctional about you? If you are in a loving, supportive relationship, but can't seem to connect to your partner, maybe this segment will help you sort out what might be going on for you.   Sometimes your partner has reached their giving limit and it may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with how much energy they have left for themselves.   In segment two, I read a message from someone who shares her multiple traumas and how this show has helped her live a better life. But it's not just about this show, it's about you building a solid foundation inside yourself so that you will have a place to land when you fall. And you will fall! So keep that fo

What do you do when you face a challenge you believe you're prepared for, but you fail instead? The feelings of failure can be debilitating, especially when you've spent a lot of time and energy working on self-improvement. It can feel like you've taken 10 steps backwards. "Learning" comes with the challenge of applying what you've learned, so expect challenges to be just more than you think you're prepared for. When you have the tools, the challenge will come. I believed I knew how to honor my boundaries until I was tested with the right person. Always move forward and learn about yourself and work on yourself so that you will be as prepared as you can be. In segment two, I address the people's pleaser's role in becoming emotionally abused. People pleasers often have a big heart, compassion, generosity and are often kind and caring, which opens them up to abusive people unfortunately. If you're kind and compassionate but made to feel guilty by your partner often, then you're probably in an emotionally abusiv

Can you commit to a decision? How do you know if you're making the right decision? Follow your heart is great advice… if you even know what's in your heart. Segment 1 of this episode is all about making the decisions that work in your life without going down too many paths of failure. You have to make decisions to learn how to make good decisions, but sometimes that first decision is the hardest to make. Life is all about choice, so let's talk about what makes a good choice. I'll give you a hint, it has to do with knowing your ideals for any given situation. In segment 2, what do you do when you are always dealt a bad hand in life? Is there a psychological time bomb ticking away that is going to cause you to break down because you just can't get a break? How about chronic pain and suffering? There's a path out of suffering even when the pain is still there. You still seek treatment for the pain, but it's time to heal the emotional wounding that has taken place. In segment 3, I read a message from someone aski

In crisis, is there anything you can do to bring you into a calmer, more peaceful place? Actually, not usually. In fact, you may have to experience the full impact of the crisis before any calm or comfort can be had. However, you may be able to prepare for crisis so it doesn't completely debilitate you. It involves creating a belief system or philosophy that serves you during this most crucial time so that you aren't so blindsided and devastated. Then, when you lose your job, get dumped, betrayed, or even if someone you love passes on, you have some tools to work with to get you through it. In this first segment, I share 10 beliefs and principles you can adopt to get you through crisis mode. In segment 2, I address a letter from a man who was kicked out of his home at 17 years old for being gay. He grew up, got married, and now his husband is looking at other guy's profiles online threatening the stability home and relationship. The letter writer doesn't want to be alone but he doesn't want his husband lookin

A career can take up over half your life, so why would you settle for one that makes you miserable? I've settled a lot over the years and I got so burnt out. I didn't realize there was a formula to finding something I'd like and that might even pay well, if not more than I've ever made. Scott Barlow with Happen To Your Career joins me to talk about what it takes to be happy in a career and even make more money doing so. You don't want to miss this one. Visit to get your free Ultimate Strenths Guide so that you can learn just exactly where you excel and what careers you'd be best at.

Are you walking around with an undertone of fear, anxiety, panic, or nervousness? What do you feel when nothing in general is happening in your life? What's your balance point or "homeostatic state"? When an uncomfortable or sad cloud follows you around all the time, it's hard to enjoy life. Especially because all the decisions you make are based on a foundation of this uncomfortableness. Many of us make decisions based on how the toxic people in our life will respond. If we know they'll respond negatively, we'll make a decision so that behavior isn't triggered. However, this choice may not be the best one for us. We make it to avoid conflict or confrontation, and that is a recipe for an unhappy life. I talk about "taking the bullet" and making the hard decisions during critical moments that will either exacerbate and extend miserableness or stop it in its tracks. It's a matter of shifting what you focus on and protecting yourself, not enabling others. This might not be easy to do, but it's a life changer. In